I hit a funk low tonight. My pain has decided to scrape along every nerve my skin is on fire. I've slept on and off for three or four days and nights.... My life is nothing but pain pills and sleep. I have no idea why my bf is even still with me, I bring NOTHING to the table, but my illness and my inability to do anything. What happened to my life? I'm only 43 years old. I know there are those in here who are so young and that should make me feel better, but it makes me feel worse! And then to be treated like a criminal by doctors and ppl in charge like I ASKED to be this way. I am hanging by a stupid thread and wondering why I even bother to hold on. I'm too much of a coward to let go, but what good am I just dangling to my sanity.... I find myself wondering things that I shouldn't, things that would cause more pain to those around me but omg I'm so freaking tired and I don't know where to turn or what do. I'm not looking for sympathy or pity or even help, I just needed an outlet. Why does it have to hurt so much just to breathe and be conscious?