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27 with oa and no job

Nov 02, 2014 1:51 AM

I don't want to be a burden on society. where do I go from here? even with my cane and meds, I seem to have been struck too early with this disease. will it get worse and worse until I die? how do I resign myself to that fate? I don't want to go on disability, since my mom pays for my medical care. meanwhile I am 27 and marrying my love....everything is almost perfect in my life except for the oa.

but this one little thing, the oa ( I got it by having eds, a genetic syndrome). makes my life hell. not a day goes by that I don't think of ending it all, though I'd never do that to my fiancé.

that's enough to survive, but is it enough to really live? my body is a cage.....that song sounds like my life. I hurt in the knees mostly, so I can't walk or stand without pain.

I feel like I am trapped and being tortured every day by my body. I dream of being tortured and wake to it again.

Nov 02, 2014 8:40 AM

Just know that you are not alone in the fight to over come daily pain, I hurt every where also. Thought of how I could take my own life and still mKe it into Haven, if there is such a place, I do find joy in so of the small stuff life has to offer. Now I set on the side of my bed, plant my feet firm on the floor . Thanking God for another beautiful day to live , laugh and love with my family and friends. I dont always like the choices I make in that day, But its never to late to start over, and Love this beautiful gift ive been giving called. ME. I for you what id pray for myself (freedom of pain, and lots of joy)

Nov 02, 2014 1:01 PM

thank you. I'm a practicing Buddhist and do find a lot of help from my spiritual practices. May you be blessed in all ways.

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