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A little more than slightly frustrated

May 04, 2016 11:45 AM

That is actually an understatement. Trying to stay positive, and focus on the present, but I am frustrated with myself. I am taking another day off of work for a while now. A good thing is I am not going to lose my job over it, since me and my husband are self employed, but it is becoming really hard to keep up on our finances when I can only work 1-2 days per week. I don't even have the energy to keep up on the little bit of paperwork... I enjoyed biking with some friends on Sunday, but I am in so much pain compared to even a month ago after hiking. I feel like I am in a downslide right now. It is hard to keep negative thoughts out of my head, like about losing our house etc. I think I need to consider a different line of work. I need to seriously pursue getting a diagnosis, or some help, because if not, I am afraid I won't be able to work at all soon. And that is scary. I have worked for my money since I was 10 years old, and I love to work, I live to help people with things. My hobbies are sports mainly. This is quite the adjustment. But at least now I am trying to get the rest I need to enjoy the rest of my life somewhat. I am still trying to open up to my family about how much pain I am in. They don't understand, but that is because I am too embarrassed to explain it to them.

May 04, 2016 7:50 PM

Asus, I'm sorry you are struggling between taking care of yourself and doing what needs to be done in y'all's business. Chronic pain is definitely a life style changer! Would it be possible for you to go in a fewer hours every day, so that you don't feel overwhelmed in getting behind? Maybe you could go in late and get off a little early, and then when having a really bad flare day you could take off. I've never owned a business so I can't really understand the stress that alone must be causing. Just know you aren't alone. Others on here also work for their own business. Hopefully they can respond with ideas that have worked for them. You're in my prayers. Hugs!! 🙂💕🙏🌼

May 04, 2016 9:35 PM

Asia, I understand where you are coming from. Poor health is very much like death. In a way you go through the steps of grieving what you had in good health and the things you use to do. I use to love going to work. Some suggest that it must be nice not to have to work anymore. I would love to slap them in the face. Work was a part of who I was. It defined me. I miss it so much. So I am sorry that you are suffering some of the losses of your old life. I don't know if you said this is a perm ant problem. I hope not.

It is good you are able to get some exercise. They say that really helps people deal with pain. It is hard to run your own business. It is gratifying. But it is no walk in the park. You have everything to do that is normally taken care of for you at a regular place of employment. You know that though. It must be difficult to do on those days you just feel lousy and you feel zapped. I hope you and your husband can come up with a solution to your problem that works out for you both.

You said you need to consider a different line of work. Have you considered doing some data entry for some companies where you can work at home at your own pace. My daughter is applying for a job. You have to get certified first. It wasn't very expensive. She teaches proper English to people of other countries. I think it cost her a hundred dollars to get certified. She will make fifteen dollars an hour. She just needs to use her computer. There business is high in demand. They are always looking for someone. I just thought I would pass that on. My best wishes to you Asia. I hope your evening gets better. 😀✌️

May 04, 2016 10:27 PM

Asia,
I am truly sorry that you are suffering so. It's a blessing that you and your hubby are self employed. Can you do your work from home so that you don't have the stress of going to the office? I understand pain taking away all of your energy and when you're an active person with an athletic background it's very difficult to lose your physicality. I always worked with horses from the time I was 8 years old. I started volunteer work on weekends and summer vacations and got to go horseback riding for free!! Finally at the age of 27, I was able to get my own horse. I was working through horrible pain, had already had 4 surgeries and it was getting harder and harder. It took a very long time of finding doctors and having painful tests to get a diagnosis. Well, over the years my list has grown so large with so many autoimmune diseases and other issues (anxiety and depression), that I finally wasn't able to work any longer and have been on disability for 10 years. I am now 50 years old. I hope that you get the assistance you need in getting a diagnosis. Also, please don't be embarrassed about telling your family exactly what kind and how much pain you are in. You didn't ask for this to happen to you and you certainly don't want to suffer. They may not understand the pain because they don't live it but if you explain it to them, in sure you'll have the support that you need from your family to get through this. I wish you all the very best and send you gentle {{{Hugs}}} and prayers for a better tomorrow. 💕🙏🏻🌻😊

May 04, 2016 11:25 PM

Thank you all! :-) I read the spoon theory today. It helped me explain how I feel to my husband. It is stressful running a business, but not as stressful as having to answer to an employer when I simply cannot work. It has been really stressful because we may wind up losing our house, and there is not much I can do about it. :-/ I am adjusting, and being able to talk with the lovely people in this community is really helping me. I hope I can be encouraging to some too. I am hoping by taking an extra day off, I can actually be useful the other day. And hopefully my extra day off I can get some of the paperwork done from home. I just feel so tired, and so much pain all the time right now that it is hard to even do that.

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