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A year and a half

Feb 09, 2016 6:21 PM

I am only 26 years old and my pain clinic doctor refuses to let me forget that. I work every day towards getting better but every step forward seems like so much work to only gain an inch of progress.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a year and a half ago and when I complain that what I am doing(physical therapy, psycology, pool therapy, more pills than I am happy with, doctors 1-3 times a week and daily exercise assigned by the physical therapist) doesn't feel like enough, my pain clinic doctor jumps to " you're only 26, at your age I simply will not label you permanently disabled."


Why does that have to be the default. I just hurt and I want to feel better. If I can find a desk job that doesn't require a lot of typing, writing or sales (my anxiety causes me to cry very easily when dealing with customers) I would love to do so.

I can not go back to school because I am in the process of student loan forgiveness and going back to school would nullify it and make me owe 30k for a degree I didnt even get to finish before fibro kicked in and my doctors say cant even use the degree because it would be to much exertion (baking in a bakery).

But by the end of this month I have to have a job so that I can pay for my rent, credit card bills, cell phone, and food. I can exist on 200$ a month which means I wouldn't need to work a lot but I am terrified that when I go back to work I am going to go back to my "yes Sir/Ma'am" mentality and do everything asked of me even if I can't physically handle it. I have such a strong need to do a good job at my place of employment that "I cant do that" or "that is to much for me" don't leak into my vocabulary.... I guess I am just scared and mad that I can't prove physically that I hurt and I want to be better no matter how hard I am trying to just get out from under the stress of everything in my life.

Feb 09, 2016 6:31 PM

I can relate Renalynn... I am 41 & I also cannot get docs to recommend disability, due to my age. I know how frustrating this can be. I am I retired hairdresser! What??? I planned to work, doing my craft, well into my 60's! I love doing hair! I am super blessed to have a husband that supports me & my daughter. I don't know what i would do without him.
With all your expenses, you mentioned that combined you could survi on $200 a month. Please tell me how! I would love to get my bills down to that number!

Feb 09, 2016 6:39 PM

I am lucky, I have no kids and my boyfriend of 3 years pays for most of the things right now. My cell phone is 60$ my credit cards are 35$ each (2 of them) my rent is what ever I can afford that month because of my boyfriend, and its not healthy but when money is tight I can and have eaten noodles with butter and dr. Pepper a couple times a day. When my boyfriend buys the groceries I get a bit more but by no means am I in a position to pay my full half at 200$ a month. If my relationship were to end I have a couple of very low rent options but I'd be in a worse situation. My man is a godsend, even if he says he isn't when I try to tell him how utterly amazing he is.

Feb 09, 2016 7:00 PM

This has been the topic of most of mynpost this week. This has also been and on going internal convocation I've been having with my parents. I am like you when indo something i do it to the best of my ability. Which is also partly how I got here to begin with. I also an a pastry chef went to school go my degree and finally found my professional job working in the kitchen of my dreams. And then fibromayalgia, tumors, and surgeries entered my life. I also was told I could never go back to the job I love. And now lost as to what to do. I'm sorry you have to go through this but I'm glad you found this group . welcome

Feb 09, 2016 7:01 PM

Thank you for being welcoming. No one in my social circles really understand what I am going through.

Feb 09, 2016 7:11 PM

I understand that totally.. It's like you have a illness that stops your life in its tracks and the people you thought you could count on who has been there for most everything else slowly fsll off. It's been said many times here. If you were to tell them u have cancer everyone ralleys and is there. But tell them u have a chronic pain illness. They r like what?! No way..what do u mean? Everyone hurts?!! And the your left with nothing. It's very isolating

Feb 10, 2016 8:24 AM

Renalynn, I wish that you had a more understanding doctor. I know that 26 is young but pain is pain. I have suffered with pain much of my life but pushed through until I had nothing left to push with. Know that you should commend yourself for having the work ethic that you have. It's a fine quality not all posess to be good at their job and do all that's asked of them and more. It's NOT in any way a weakness so please give yourself props for your hard work attitude. I don't know where you live but I was diagnosed permanently disabled by the age of 37 and I am now 50. I'm not saying that you should be aiming in that direction but I understand what you're saying about why should age be the default... I am glad that you have a team of doctors working with you and that you are striving to get better. An inch of progress is still progress.. Just a different perspective. My best friend has said this quote to me for 23 years.. "A little bit better is better than a little bit worse". Just food for thought. Know that you have a huge pain family behind you and there are no judgements here. Remember that it's a safe place to vent, cry, ask questions and get support when you need it. I hope that you are able to keep your chin up and achieve whatever goals you set for yourself. {{{{Hugs}}}} and prayers. 💕🙏🏻🌻

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