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Dec 03, 2015 7:33 PM

Sorry to all my friends here for disappearing. I just can't deal with it all. So I hid away from one of the best support systems I've got, y'all. I just don't know where to go. I've started seeing my psychologist again. Just this week. But I just wanted to stick my head out of the sand to say hello. And that I really miss you guys.

I feel so alone because most of my friends have vacated my life (dunno what i did to deserve that one). some things are getting better but the holiday season is really hard because of my PTSD/anxiety & the fact that the doctors aren't treating it right now. Hopefully next week when i see the doc, he'll start treating me.

I apologize for fussing. Wish I could come here and say what my boyfriend's oldest son wishes could happen, miracle of all miracles I am cured.! Ha. Yeah, nope sorry.

End of pity party. If I can try. (cried non stop for the last few days because of the ptsd & upcoming season).

Dec 03, 2015 7:36 PM

I've missed you kitty, but I know how hard it is for us around the holidays, I'm glad to be hearing from you, but sometimes we just need to take breaks when things get too much, so I understand. Very glad to be seeing you post!!

Dec 03, 2015 7:38 PM

I've missed you too. I should have been here. Somehow this helps but sometimes I wish we all lived near one another.

Dec 03, 2015 7:41 PM

I know the feeling, I wish there was just one person closer. But at least we have this, but you don't don't have to say "you should have been here" you don't have to be here always, everyone needs a break sometimes, even if it does get stressful.

Dec 03, 2015 7:52 PM

Thanks, dear friend. Sometimes I wonder how things would be different if we could have true friends closer.

Dec 03, 2015 7:53 PM

I wonder that sometimes too, but then I remember that my best friend of all time lives in a different time zone and it kinda males me feel better that even though we are all far apart, we have the same support as we would if we all lived close.

Dec 03, 2015 8:00 PM

Really great point. I don't get to talk to mine often enough. Dunno maybe it's the season. I just want to escape it all.

Dec 03, 2015 8:04 PM

I usually "dislike" holidays I guess you could say, lol like I always was never into decorating and what not, never my thing, but this year now that Im stuck in the hospital its all I want haha. But I definitely understand wanting to escape it. I usually want to escape it

Dec 03, 2015 9:48 PM

I hear ya, hun. I know what you're talking about exactly. I have just had so much bad happen during the holidays and my parents are leaving town this year and i don't think I can go. So I will probably be all alone. Which i don't know what is worse. I just want to crawl into a bottle, any bottle (and i don't even drink) and just escape it. Ha ha.

Dec 03, 2015 11:59 PM

Very happy to see your posts kitty26. Thanks for checking in. Hope you feel better soon.😺

Dec 04, 2015 12:51 PM

Kitty, I'm glad to see you're back again. You DIDN'T do anything to deserve what has happened to you. I have lost my friends and family don't invite me anywhere because I don't attend a lot of things. Please, don't disappear again. You have an entire family of pain warriors standing by at the ready to help when you need it. There isn't anyone here who will turn their back on you, ever. Please know that there still are people who care. I am one of them. Sending you {{Hugs}} and prayers to help you get through. I am but a keystroke away if you need me. 💕🙏🏻🌻

Dec 04, 2015 2:02 PM

Thank you, friends. Promise not to disappear again. I know that y'all are here and always will be and have been
I will be here again. No more disappearing acts because I need y'all's support

Dec 04, 2015 2:05 PM

Gonna hold you to it, Kitty!! There is a thread called "pen pals" on here and there are many or our email addresses on that thread. If you don't want to search, my address is Ladygirl94@aol.com

Dec 06, 2015 7:31 PM

Kitty26, I'm so glad to hear from you. And I'm very sorry you're having such a rough time. We've all lost friends I think, and only they know why. But we've all gained so many wonderful friends here; friends who understand, friends who won't judge us, friends who are there for us because we've all been there ourselves. I'm praying for you, and pray you'll gather strength & comfort from us. (((Hugs))) 🙏🌼

Jan 31, 2016 7:17 AM

I am back. I left the bf, packed up my fur babies and took some clothes. Now i just need to find some help in getting a place of my own bc parental units aren't thrilled with my returning (mostly father figure but whatever!). (Oh yeah and the bf thinks it's just a temporary thing but now that I've been away I feel this huge weight lifted so I pretty much know what needs to be done. Was going to do so this weekend but the doc pretty much grounded this plane w/4 or 5 diff infections). But that will not stop me and I am not going back.
He threatened to throw out my cat like she was garbage over something she hadn't even done, it was "his" cat for whom he never did anything for. I cannot believe how much in denial I was about it. Or if it wasn't so much denial as feeling stuck bc I didn't feel welcome anywhere. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

I'm back and you all get to hear my inane & insane advice again! Woooohooo lucky y'all! :) I am getting used to this whole not feeling like I'm in emotional hell. Physical hell, yes, I can take that. But emotional hell, oh Hell to the No.

Hope my language hasn't offended anyone. I just realized & remembered what it feels like to jump from a ship that is sunk, into shark infested waters for a long while, and then rescue myself by fashioning a rowboat and oars out of nothing.

If you get my drift, awesome, if not it could be metaphors suck after no sleep from having what normies get (you know sinus infections and UTI and URI and possible kidney infection.... Oh wait maybe normies don't get those who at once but whatever! Lol! Lucky me and my immune system are free of that toxicity that was a relationship for a time there. I guess talking with Alwayz made me realize a lot of things tonight.

Now just to get my belongings out.... But I will take it one piece at a time. All the electronics are coming to the temporary sanctuary bc the budding sociopath will be visiting his dad this weekend.... Hopefully I can get those out with little problem. Woooohooo!

Now, I would love you to meet the woman behind the abuse, Elle, please step forward. :D I don't think I will be letting anyone clip my wings for a while. Just going to fly for a while. Anyone care to join?


Jan 31, 2016 7:20 AM

Absolutely awesome!!! I'm right there by your side, my dear!! 💕

Jan 31, 2016 7:22 AM

Yes and I am so grateful for all of your support. And please know that I hope I've not missed too much that i can't catch up on. I've missed you all! (most of all I missed Me!)

Jan 31, 2016 4:04 PM

So glad ur back kitty.. I understand the wanting to disappear but please u can always come here veny svream cuss whatever.. We all know what it's like and u don't have to feel alone

Jan 31, 2016 4:45 PM

Thanks, y'all. The support is amazing.

Jan 31, 2016 9:22 PM

Kitty26, I'm relieved for you to know you made this change in your life! We're all here for you. Hugs!! Love & prayers you'll soon be in your own place! 🙂🙏💕🌼

Jan 31, 2016 9:27 PM

As always happy to see you back!😸

Jan 31, 2016 9:37 PM

Hey Kitty!!! What's shakin?? Hope all is going well. Did you get any sleep at all!! I haven't yet. It's been since Friday and I have to be up and out early in the morning for pain management. {{{Hugs}}}💕🙏🏻🌻

Jan 31, 2016 9:46 PM

Drink a hot toddy AlwayZ. It will help you sleep and help with your chest cold/pneumonia. My hubby made one for me Friday night, using a cough med dispense cup for the whiskey (he said). It knocked me out I tell you! I made my own Saturday night! Lol 🙂🙏💕🌼

Jan 31, 2016 9:48 PM

Also try mental yoga. I found it in the app store. Under mindfulness games. Help u relax better the just meditation.

Jan 31, 2016 9:53 PM

Worth a shot.. I'll give it s go. (Speaking of going.. Gotta head down to pee). Thanks for the suggestions!! {{{Hugs}}💕🙏🏻😍

Feb 01, 2016 12:07 PM

I finally got sleep last night! I like to use reverse psychology, and tell myself over and over "don't go to sleep, don't go to sleep." it works when is my time to sleep, which isn't always.

But I had such an emotional day yesterday at 11 pm or so (gasp). I actually fell asleep! Then i woke up at 5 to take my medicine and couldn't go back to sleep til 7ish but that's okay. I slept at night. Lol. First time in a week

Feb 01, 2016 12:39 PM

Absolutely awesome!! I am so glad that you slept. I didn't. It's ok though because after the morning I had, I'm taking my meds and going to bed!! 💕🙏🏻🌻😍❤️

Feb 01, 2016 4:52 PM

AlwayZ, you've got your days and nights crossed up. 😉 Lol Hope you get some sleep. 🙂🙏💕🌼

Feb 03, 2016 1:41 PM

I get them crossed up a lot Flappsy. Problem is that even when I think I'll nap in the daytime for some reason my body says, Nope, you're up, it's daytime. Then night comes and I get a second wind and that does it, I'm up until 5am and then wake at 7. I'm always tired.. LOL!! 💕🙏🏻🌻

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