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Alzheimers is a horrible thief! 😢

Sep 26, 2016 1:42 PM

Very stressful day yesterday due to family illness. Developed headache and very bad anxiety, and still present today with depression.

We had to drive to the farm in the boonies because no one could reach dad or stepmom. Stepmom had cut off the internet not realizing it shut off the house phone to. In the boonies everyone's cell phones rely on internet signal to be able to make or take calls or texts. Dad was furious at her though she reminded him he was sitting there when she called. The topic of when they were moving came up, as did when to clean out the sheds (sellable, donate, keep, & trash). He became angry right off saying we wanted to put him in a little room but he wanted to live and die right there on the farm. I calmly reminded him he said a year ago he wanted to move, downsize and get closer to all us kids. He said he didn't remember that, and none of us kids ever came around because we either don't love him or don't want to deal with "all this.". We all rotate going down so we don't go at the same time. My hubby and I went 4x in 3 weeks when there were problems my dad couldn't fix. Yesterday was our first trip since August surgery, but he said he understood. Then dead changed and said he wants to get the farm ready to sell and buy a big house near us kids, so we can spend the night. My stepmom said she wanted to downsize and rent, and he angrily snapped he didn't care what she wanted or us for that matter. He was telling by now and said he gets out and works in the yard and he expects her and us to do the same. I calmly replied that they're 20 yr older and she can't do all that anymore but if he wants a bug house he needs to hire workers instead of expecting her to clean it all. He snarled and said he does more outside than my hubby and me put together, that he could care less what were are planning for our old age years, and then said he might spend 3-4 days in the same clothes sleeping in his recliner. Of course I didn't mean to but I snapped at that point and told him he didn't have to be ugly and mean, and if he wanted to die on the farm it would be less work for us all, but he needs to stop being hateful and selfish and ugly. He said he wasn't. I repeated exactly what he'd said in the time he used. Then I started out calmly, and asked could he had the difference. "No," he replied.

My dad is gone except the outer body shell. What comes out from the inside is some horrible, angry, ugly, snappy, selfish stranger. I wanted to cry and cry and cry but held myself in check. And on the way home I begged my hubby to have the doctors sedate me if my dementia makes me like my dad's Alzheimer's! 😢

Sep 26, 2016 2:16 PM

Flappys, I'm so sorry you are going through all that. It's not easy to have to see our loved one's go through that, I've been there with my Aunt, father in law and my ex husband's grandmother. It never gets easier seeing them like that, you are in my prayers hunny, Love you my dear friend I'm here for you. Sending you supportive and Loving but very gentle hug's your way! 🙏😘🌹

Sep 26, 2016 2:26 PM

Flappy -
I am so sorry hun. I understand a little of your frustration. Several years ago my dad had a pituatory tumor. It was resolved but his personality changed. He has mood swings. Will say one thing then later say something else.

Watching our parents age is sad and at times can be so scary. I wish there was an answer.. A cure etc. My mom has memory problems - the doctors were worried about dementia so started her on Aracept. (laughing - I just asked mom what med she takes for memory and she started laughing before she said "I can't remember!".) Anywho it has helped some and her troubles with memory hasn't declined.

((((gentle hugs)))) be kind to yourself hun.

Sep 26, 2016 8:41 PM

Thank you Sjogrenspain & Mimikay! It's been a very hard day, including feelings of guilt for losing control myself. We found out two hours ago our youngest daughter needs to come home this week. And she's bringing the 80 lb grandpup with her. I hope my nerves can take it all. I hope I can train the dog while he's home with me during the day and he doesn't hurt my 18 lb pup.

Sep 26, 2016 10:22 PM

Yikes. I hope it works out for you and your Grandpup.

Sep 26, 2016 10:45 PM

FlappysLady81 I hear your pain! My father had Altzheimers. It's a debilitating disease that especially hurts the family, watching your dad turn into some stranger. My dad never used vulgar language to my mom but he would call her a f-- whore and many other names she never deserved. He would adamantly swear some alien was coming into their house and stealing pictures. He would have angry episodes with me that caused me like you a lot of emotional pain. Be patient and kind and keep telling yourself this is not the dad you know. Iwould give anything to be able to still have him around. In the end, it will be as though "no one is home" you will be able to see the difference in him. Continue to Love Love and Love some more! My thoughts and prayers are with you and I send you a hug and wish you peace.

Sep 27, 2016 3:05 AM

Flappys -I am not sure what yo say. Alzheimers is a very cruel thief. All of the added stress is not good for your healing. I understand we would have to move heaven and earth to jeep you away. At lease you have some siblings to help. I sure do wish were a little bit closer in proximity I could help you. I will talk to you soon. Keep on hanging on.

Sep 27, 2016 6:14 AM

Oh, Flappys that's a lotta dog to try and handle shortly after the surgery you had! Praying everything works out okay while they are there. Remember to take it easy on your body. Much love my friend. Sending you supportive loving but gentle hug's and Prayer's your way.😘🙏🌹

Sep 27, 2016 10:44 AM

Flappsy, I am sending you positive vibes, much love and gentle {{{Hugs}}}. Alzheimer's is a cruel disease and it sometimes slowly steals away the people we love. I am sorry this is happening to your Dad. I can't imagine what that's like. You're also trying to recover from surgery and this is not helping you accomplish that. I wish there was something I could do to make it better. 💕🙏🏻🌻😊

Sep 27, 2016 12:20 PM

Thank you everyone!! I won't deny I'm terrified of the 80 lb lummox, but I'm hoping he remembers who was are. My daughter said he growled the first time ever 2 days ago at her ex. I don't want to close off my baby but I will for safety sake. And as much as I hate it I guess for my safety I'll be walking with the walker; maybe he'll learn to stay back. As for my dad I'm resolved to the fact he's not my dad I want or remember. Every time I think of him I want to cry. I hate his doctors didn't listen to us 2-3 years ago and put him on something then. His mom lived with alzheimers for 14 years, but she was a very mellow gentle happy living person. I don't want to watch my dad for 14 years, only to see him become so ugly and mean. I mean, where the heck does that behavior come from when it wasn't them before the disease?

Sep 28, 2016 7:33 AM

Flappy - I have wondered that too. Is it possible that somewhere within them they know what's happening and the frustration comes out in anger? I know Alzheimer's affects the brain - perhaps there are changes in the emotional area of the brain?
My Grandfather was a Methodist minister. During his final stages of cancer his sweet and gentle disposition changed. He started yelling, cussing and saying some of the most hateful things one can imagine. It reached a point where is grandkids couldn't see him. I hate that my mom, aunt and Grandmother had those memories as their final memories of him.
My heart goes out to you.

Sep 28, 2016 7:42 AM

Flappy, I'm so sincerely sorry for what you are going through. My prayers and thoughts are with your family.

Sep 28, 2016 9:44 AM

Mimikay, There are times my dad seems his old self, relaying old stories and just chatting (though some facts may be wrong or stories crossed). But it is the agitated times that he becomes someone else. My dad is a retired minister, of 5 generations of ministers. He never cursed until the years ago when his mind changed. I'm afraid to take my granddaughter around now, for fear of what may happen. I do remember my counselor starting alzheimers patient tend to focus on what has caused agitation, even to the point of returning to the same topic over and over. And that's exactly what happened Sunday. No matter how often we tried to divert the combo he kept bringing it back up. We surprised then with a visit and one of the first things he said was, "I was about to take a nap but I won't get one now." No more surprises from us!!! Lol

Thank you both, Mimikay & Lost my marbles 🙂💕🙏🌸

Sep 28, 2016 12:37 PM

Mimikay, I was just thinking the exact same thing... AMAZING!!! 😊🤗👌🏼

Sep 28, 2016 6:21 PM

Flappy - I have a dear friend whose wife has Altzheimer. He has often said (and I learned this in my nursing) that routine is so important. Otherwise the patient gets confused, doesn't understand what's going on etc.
Have also heard that music can act as a bridge. That they remember favorite songs and can at times connect memories to the songs.

Hope today was a better day for you.

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