Well, I've managed a whopping 45 minutes sleep tonight. I've finally given in and got up. Lying down, sitting down, standing up and walking are all so painful. I don't know what to do with myself, there is just no relief. I am back at the docs later, I just pray he will help me. Sorry for the pity party, I just need to vent. Oh and to top it all off, as my normally very supportive husband helped me up to bed last night, he said "you know, I really think you need to work through the pain, then you won't think about it"!... Well, that's great advice, why did I not think of that. Honestly, I was heartbroken. He is my biggest support and that comment left me feeling like I could no longer turn to him for comfort. Anyway, he obviously realised that he had said the wrong thing and apologised, but the seed has been planted now.
Thanks for listening x
Glassback, I am sorry you are having such a terrible night. I feels so bad for you because not only are you dealing with the physical pain but the mental pain from your husbands comment. As far as the physical pain, have you ever done biofeedback. It is really successful in getting your pain under control in you lie really still. I can teach you how to do this over this thread if you are interested if you want to try getting some sleep tonight.
As far as your husband, I think you need to let this go. Everyone makes a mistake with their words. Try to think about his motive for saying such a thing. Do you think a husband who is supportive of you all the time would suddenly suggest that it is within your power to get rid of your pain.I think he was saying something else about about working through the pain. For a man who is supportive, it doesn't sound like he is suggesting that you do things through the pain or that you just endure it. I think it sounds like a man who loves you very much and hates to see you in pain and can not take it away. I think it sounds like a man who doesn't know what to say to you to make you feel better and just said the wrong thing in an attempt to comfort you. I am suggesting this because I have done this with my wife and I am in chronic pain. She deals with a lot of pain. I have made statements like that and realized just how stupid they were after I said them and apologize. I was just desperate to say something to comfort her because she seemed so sad and in so much pain and I was helpless. Especially for a man. Think about the way we are raised. We are taught to take care of our families and make them happy. We want to make our wives secure, healthy and happy. When they are not, we feel like we have failed them no matter how much we may do for them. As a husband, I would trade my life to make my wife happy and secure. That is what we do.
So don't give weight to his poor attempt to make you feel better. I am sure he truly regrets what he said and wishes he could erase that time period of him saying it and you hearing it. If I am wrong in my assessment of the situation, I am sorry. I have just been in a situation like that. My best wishes to you. If you need help with biofeedback, let me know. I will check back periodically to see if you want to know.
Hi profiler, thank you so much for your reply. You are absolutely right in what you say. He is the most supportive husband and I am very lucky to have him. It must be very difficult for him and sometimes, my pain makes me forget that. I have never heard of the bio thing but would love to know more about it.
Thanks again, you seem like a very kind and caring chap, it is very much appreciated. I'm sure my hubby would agree with me 🙂
Ps, I how was dinner with your sister? I hope you had a lovely time :)
I had a great time with my sister. I was supposed to get there at 5 p.m after my doctors appointment but the doctors appointment ran over and then my friend who was with me had me take him to a store before we went. So we didn't get there til 7 p.m. But once I got there, we had a barrel of laughs. I had a great time. Thanks for asking. Thanks for saying that you thought I was kind. I don't have the best self esteem so it makes me feel good when people like me on here. I appreciate it. You sound like a nice person as well to appreciate your husband so much.
So on with the Biofeedback. It is a way of using your brain to control your body. It sounds crazy. But it is a proven fact. It takes work and the more you use it, the better you get at it.
Things that can help you with this. Make sure you have a quiet flat comfortable place. If you have a cell phone that you download an app that can help. The app you can download would be one with relaxing sounds like the ocean, streams, waterfalls, the forest. These sounds will help out mind relax. That is our ultimate goal, a deep relaxation. When we get it to work to its full potential, we can make our body nearly numb. I do mine.
Lay down, as you are laying down, start taking deep relaxing deep breaths, evenly spaced. As you are doing this and if you can play that music that will be great but if you can't that is all right. But as you are doing your breathing, we are going to form a relaxing picture in your mind. You will create it based on the ultimate relaxing place you would like to go. Picture that. Keep breathing. While you are breathing, put a swing in there or a chair for you to sit on. Add a sunset or rainbow. But don't clutter it. You don't want to much to remember. Try to add a scent. Think of your favorite food that your would like to eat outside and let your brain imagine that scent. Now that we formed that picture, Keep taking deep breathes and think about it for a minute.
This is where the pain reduction starts. We are going to start from our feet and work our way up. This takes a little faith. You need to believe in the power of your brain. It is proven medical science that we can control our brain. This is not some weird thing. It is recognized by doctors and researchers.
So with our picture in our mind and our regular deep spaced breathing, we are going to start at our feet. We are going to tell our brain to make our feet warm. So try to imagine our feet getting warm. They will suddenly start to feel warmer. They will not get hot but they will get warm. This may take three to five minutes. We move up our body in increments
Now we will move half way between our feet and our knee. Imagine that is warm. Direct your brain to make that warm. Make sure before you progress that the area before is still warm. So before you progress your feet should still be warm. It always is. Keep doing this moving up about a foot at a time. Once you get to the hips, you will focus on the abdomen. Then after you have the abdomen warm. You will go back and start with both hands and work up your arms a foot at a time. Always keeping the breathing and the picture in your mind. As you go along when you come to pain sites, make your drop at the pain site. Let all the muscles loose. You will feel a good part of the pain if not all go away.
Once you get to the head, most of your body should be numb or near numb and the key is just laying real still. Falling asleep in that position is a wonderful thing. So have everything done for bed before you do this.
Also, just to let you know something about me. I am not judging anyone, but I don't believe in hypnosis. I don't believe in losing control of your mind to someone else. But I want to reassure you this is different than that. This is you being in full control of your mind and brain. So this is not hypnosis if you have any objections to it. I did not mean to tell you my issues. I just wanted to reassure you if you had the same feeling. I hope this works if you try it. It has been a life save to me. When all else fails, this works for me. If you do it, Let me know how it goes on this thread. I am not expecting it to be perfect the first time. But let me reassure you that it is a skill that gets better each time you use it. I have got to the point that I can make my body numb if I don't move it.
My best wishes to you glassback. Sorry that this post is so long. I am quite long winded. But in my defense, this does take a long explanation. Best wishes to you.
Wow, I felt relaxed just reading about it! It is 7am here and sadly, time for me to get up and try to get through a day at work. I shouldn't complain, I know that I am lucky to be able bodied enough to work. I will absolutely try this tonight, I am looking forward to it. Thanks so much profiler, it must have taken you ages to type all that out. I really appreciate the time you have spent. It saddens me that you have low self esteem. Would it be rude for me to ask you how you got to that point?
I'm really glad you had a good time with your sister and that you have a good friend who is there to support you.
I will let you know how I get on tonight in my happy place. Thanks again. I hope you have a lovely day today xx
I grew up in an abusive home. My mother mentally abused me and my father physically abused me. I knew that my parents didn't love me from an early age. When I went to the hospital for a surgery. I was eleven. I was in a hospital for a week. My parents just dropped me off at the front door and I had surgery two days later. I had my first panic attack. They never called me and had someone else pick me up from the hospital at the end of the week. I was suppose to be home resting for a month. My mom was sick. I always felt guilty for them not loving me so I cleaned house, did laundry and cooked alll they meals. I thought I did something for them not to love me. But when I came hime from the hospital I wasn't suppose to go to school. They were afraid of me bleeding but they insisted that I got back to my duties. And I had an older brother. He never did anything.
My dad punched me around a few times and broke my nose twice. That really affected my self esteem. I think the part that really got to my self esteem was my mother. I devoted everything to making her life easier even though I hated her. She told me for two years that she had cancer so that I wouldn't move when I was 18. She would make visits to the neighboring town and told me she was going to the hospital. One day she was admitted to the hospital because of what I found out was a panic attack that they wanted to rule out a blood clot because she got frequent blood clots. But I wasn't told that. But when I went back to my mother, I asked her what was wrong with her. She said that she had a heart attack. She said she and the doctor talked about it and they came to the conclusion it was because I wasn't doing enough to make her life less complicated. I was devasted but I was extremely worried that since I caused it, I didn't want to be responsible for killing her. So I tracked down the doctor and I asked him about the heart attack and he let me know that she didn't have a heart attack. So then I asked him could her health problems right them be because of her cancer. He asked me what cancer? I explained that I had been working hard for my mother for the past two years because she had cancer. He had been her doctor for ten years and he said he never treated her for cancer.
The last thing that really cut me to the core, was my mothers will. My mothers will was in her important paper box. It came with a letter next to it. They were both open. I read them. My mother explained how she was proud of my older brother and how he had been such a good son even though he never lifted a finger for her. I massaged that woman's feet twice a week. Then She talked about my younger sister and how she always wanted a daughter and how she was just what she wanted. Then she came to me and how I gave her so much problems. I thought everything I did for her was because I cared for her and loved her despite that fact she didn't love me. But then she wrote after me being a problem child, she said I was not capable of being loved and was not capable of love. It devastated me because I love people. I mean I truly love people. I know what people feel just but looking at them and looking at the way they look around and their micro expression. They say children of abuse are the best profilers. That is why I have that as my user I.d. I can sense why people are sad. I like to make people happy. But it made me so sad to know that I was not loved and that I wasn't enough. So I used my bad experience as a child and decided to make a family that would have love in it. I made sure my children would hear everyday that I love them. That I was proud of them. I let my boy know all the time that he was handsome. I let my girl know all the time that she was beautiful. I never disciplined my children in anger. I would put them in the room. Wait five minutes and then go in and tell them what they did wrong and what we were going to do about it. My children to this day wish I would have beat them. They were so upset when I said I was disappointed in them. So I tried to make something better out of my sad childhood but I don't feel like a good person. My parents thought I was wicked. So a part of me thinks they saw something that I am not able to see in myself. So that is my story. Sorry for the long story.
Omg, your story is harrowing!! Your mother sounds wicked, sorry, but if that sounds harsh, but it's true. You absolutely cannot let your past ruin your future. Easier said than done I am sure, but I can see, just from the few posts that we have shared, that you are very caring and you have a big heart. What your mother did to you was cruel to say the least, but don't let that define you. You know, after your support through the night, I have just been getting ready for work and you gave me the strength to change my outlook. I sat and said "fuck you pain, I'm going to have a good day" (excuse my language). You should do the same, say "fuck you mother, I am an amazing person and an amazing father".
Oh I really hope I don't offend you with this message, it just makes me so cross to think that you still carry blame and responsibility for what she did. You are so much better than that. You are so good with words. Unfortunately, I'm not quite as articulate. Big hugs to you. Talk later. I'm off for a bloody fab day at work. Thanks again profiler (I dread to think how you would profile me after that potty mouthed rant) 😂😂
I think you are just fine. I don't judge people. I just try to understand them and figure out a way I can connect and be there for there. I like to add something to other people's life. I hope your pain is less today and your workday isn't to bad.
Glassback, I agree with Profiler. My hubby who is the biggest support to me sometimes sleeps and says something stupid. But I have to remember, he goes to work without taking anything for pain, hardly ever. He has a high tolerance for pain most of the time, or maybe it's a "macho- me Tarzan" mentality! Lol. I'm glad you can get past it too. Letting his comment take root would only harm your relationship with him.
The method of biofeedback Profiler is describing sounds exactly like the "Subliminal Persuasion" used in the late 80's & early 90's. I've used it and it does work. Good luck and I pray you can learn to relax when in high pain, to help you rest better. Broken sleep, which is my worst sleep issue (changing to comfortable positions), is better than no sleep. Hugs, love, & prayers this can help you! 🙂💕🙏🌼
Thank you FlappysLady81. I will be having a bash at it later. X