I'm glad I was vaccinated when I was young.
I'm glad that major diseases: measles, mumps, rubella, whooping cough, rheumatic fever, polio, the bubonic plague !!, and on and on are pretty much controlled.
I'm glad that there are antibiotics... And that there are many of them--because I'm allergic to most of them.
I'm glad that the procedures I get exist--someone had to do the research, come out with a protocol, do studies, etc... And someone else had to be the guinea pig.
I'm glad that there are many medications out there.
I'm glad that no one is bleeding me to cure me, no one is holding exorcisms, no one is doing weird, unless crap. Like leeches.
I'm glad I can even go to the doctor--for many people in the world, it's not even something that could remotely happen
I can sit in a room, and look to the person on my left, and the person on my right and blame them. Does this help me? No. It might make me feel better briefly, but it's not helpful.
I must take responsibility. For the good. For the bad. The misinformed. The ignorant. The innocent. The plainly stupid. And so on. There are no magic bullets. At this point--I do not expect, nor do I think it's someone's responsibility to make me feel better--it is my responsibility.
When in history could I even communicate with people like this? There are many remedies for various conditions--I can actually know about them, and not only can I know/find out about them, I can find the people or ingredients I need to put them into place. Or various activities from various cultural backgrounds.
This is not a terrible time in history.
I am not going to ask God why I'm alive now--I'm going to be thankful that I am alive. I almost died because of modern medicine--and it was modern medicine that saved me.
I do understand that living in an urban area gives me opportunities that many people do not have. I am grateful. I might wish for silence (at this time of year, with all the fireworks going off *every* night--it's like living with artillery), I might wish for less pollution (I live near the port of Los Angeles), and on and on--but whatever.
The grass is not always greener.
I saw a new pain doctor. It was nerve wracking, considering all the crap I've been through. But he was kind, and spoke with me for awhile. Because he did, I'll have faith--but still remain an informed consumer.
It's been a little over a year since I almost died. The hospital where I ended up hasn't been paid by my insurance. We've been going around in circles and circles. The lady at the business office at the hospital reminded me that the hospital will always treat me--they know I pay my premiums, they know it's not me. I'm losing out, the hospitals losing out, and even the insurance is losing out. Yes, it's fucked up. But I can still get treatment.
People go broke everyday because of unexpected bills. I haven't gone broke yet... I think (I'll know when I find out about this insurance stuff)...
Thank you, God, for granting me the opportunity to be alive. To be alive at this time. To learn, though I might be stubborn and pig-headed. Thank you for me being born where I was born--and not in a place where people are being killed around me, taken hostage, raped, pillaged, starved, diseased, kept cold/hot, etc...thank you for my cat. Thank you for my car (I love my car :) ). Thank you for the small kindnesses other people have shown me. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to give other people those kindnesses. Thank you for putting up with me when I'm frustrated and given to complaining. Thank you for not giving me the life my grandparents had. And while I may disagree with the way I've been treated, the way I've been spoken to, the judgments or assessments people have made of me, thank you for giving me the wisdom to disagree--so that I might have insight and be able to make changes in myself--and therefore the world around me. Thank you, God, for the mysteries and ambiguities in life, for without them, without all the differences in the world, there would be no beauty and wonder.
Thank you for this day. It's very nice out, and I think I'll go for a walk.
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
It's better than a kick in the pants! (Or a stick in the eye!)