Yes... 😚 chronic pain does change one... but u will find a way! 🤗Relationships are like an organ... they need constant attention, love and understanding... and u will find a way to be together 😊in touch with deep emotion. Just dont hide it all away from her🌹... she can see u r hurting... and that is hard for our other halves' to bear.🤗 Honesty, understanding, love and friendship... all help to feed that organ. 😘When u love someone u can overcome anything with honesty and understanding.😚
I apparently got a Vulcan cloaking device 🐴 off ebay... and have become invisible 🤔 yeah my hubby doesnt feed our 😶relationship organ anymore... so it has withered considerably. 🐪I am tangoing alone... but it takes two! 🐫
Yes, I feel like my relationship with my parents has very much changed since I have started going through this stuff. It taxes both them and I and it's hard to communicate as to exactly how I'm feeling and what kind of support I need.
Yep. My hubby kind of forgets that I'm hurting. It's only been about a year and a half and I find myself constantly reminding him. Which I'm sure is annoying or comes across as I'm always nagging/moaning.
I know he gets scared of hurting me too. I think it's going to be an ongoing challenge.
But hopefully he's got another 50 years to put up with me so I'm sure we will figure it out 😜
I don't think anyone who loves us wants to see us in pain and it's very difficult for them. I moved back home with my folks after I stopped working because it's too fucking expensive to live here otherwise. I know it's hard for them to see me like this every day so when I have an especially bad day, I tend to isolate so that I don't have to be a burden to them. It's very tiresome and I should probably stay closer to them when I'm feeling like shit so I can explain and get the support I need
Alwayz😘 is right on the mark...👍 its so hard to watch the one u love in pain...🐪 out of their control. I isolate when bad... cos i know🐪 he cant handle it! Its a hard ballance to achieve... but u r not beat! 😚Just pick urself up, dust urself off... ☔and start again 🐴... tomorrow is a brand new day to fcukup! 😚 And now u have us to watch u flourish🌹... a problem shared, is a problem halved 😘
It definitely affects our relationships. I stopped working in 2010 for unrelated surgery. Then my health went downhill.. I kept getting new diagnoses and more surgeries. My hubby didn't understand our even halfway comprehend what I was dealing with until I started having him go to appts with me. Doctors educated him and now he's my biggest support and advocate to others who don't understand.
I have 3 kids, (17,16,15)and although they really try to be brave, it's not easy to have a sick mom 24/7. Thank God my husband really has been there not inly for my but fir them too, but i think that it is imposible that our relationships don't get affected, because they also have the right to have bad days and feel angry. I belive that it'd important to seek help. Sometimes just to have a friend that listen to you is enought, but sometimes you need more help like from a doctor.
Thanks Lulabel! I feel very lucky & blessed. But we both have our moments too.
@ Mamish, a good compassionate & helpful doc is important for our health. I hope yours are good.
@ Taraisis, I think we've all dealt with anger, irritability, and wanting to isolate ourselves. I know I did at the beginning of 2011. That's when I was recuperating from major surgery (5 in 1), and found out I had more problems and couldn't go back to work for a year. From there my health took a nosedive and I've gained more diagnoses since then, AOL chronic issues. It made me angry and depressed, and I isolated away from others as much as possible. My psychologist and psychiatrist fellows me through what they called a grieving process; grieving for my lost health, my lost independence, my lost career, hobbies, trips, etc: in general the loss of my old self.
It doesn't get easier to accept, just easier to identify ways to cope and deal with the changes. And it's best to take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Each of us is totally different, so what works for some won't work for others. Be open to trying alternatives, see new doctors, and vent or talk when you need to. You won't be judged here because we all get enough of that elsewhere. Something that is helpful, and scientifically proven to help those like us, is to try and find one thing to be thankful for or to enjoy doing each day. It can be a stranger smiling at you, or a baby or animal playing, or a phone call to/from an old friend, or a flower blooming. We're here if and when you need us because, while we may not all have the same diagnoses, we all understand what living with chronic pain is like. Hugs love & prayers that you have a good night, or day depending on where you live! 🙂💕🙏🌸
You are so right @flappyslady, not everything works the same or at all with everybody, that's the importance of beeing open to all the alternatives. Unfurtunely, my doctor died on january 2015 and since then i haven't found another one that understand and supports me. The fybro came as a surprise and with no one that explaine what it is and all that comes with it! Here, in Colombia, is less known and there isn't many drs or places to go for help. Not even a comunity like this one!!!
My husband and I were just talking about this this morning. He said he used to wish that my fibro would just "go away". He went on to say that he has come to realize how much our entire family has grown through this shared experience. Our kids are more compassionate and see the needs of others more readily. Growth is a violent process. It completely destroys the seed, but what you become in the end is worth the discomfort you suffer along the way.
Men are fixers by nature, and my husband still spends a fair amount of time researching new treatments and reading new studies. He's found some of my best answers. He needs to do this. I respect that about him, so I keep myself open to trying new supplements, doctors, meds and so on. I've swallowed some extremely nasty homeopathic remedies in my efforts to be supportive of him as he experiences having a wife with a chronic illness.
I also let him see me when I am raw and vulnerable. In turn, he does the same. We keep an open dialogue. This isn't the relationship we used to have, it isn't the one we imagined, but it is beautiful and we work hard to appreciate it and ensure it stays healthy, vibrant and strong.
We've made some small changes that have made a huge difference for us. He learned about massage so that he can give me the massages that help me feel my best. In return, I feel my best and we can enjoy one another! 😉 We do stay at home date nights with movies and dinner in bed when I'm just too tired to go out.
I've had to learn to ask for, and graciously accept, help. This was really hard for me. Seriously, I'm fiercely independent and asking for help rubbed me the wrong way for a long time. I resented those who did for me what I'd rather do for myself. He was irritated that I pushed myself and ended up hurt by doing things that others could easily do for me.
I guess what it comes down to is everything changes. Every relationship we have has to grow and change if we want them to thrive. Make it a priority to give your relationships the attention they need. That being said, I find I no longer have the energy to maintain my casual friendships. Many of those have been lost along the way as I've used my limited energy to nourish those most important to me.
thank you all and flappyslady(great name) I love this app and a sense of community here. Lately I m having more pain and flare ups. I went away from home for two weeks and felt bliss for a month...minimal pain. Now I m back to unsupportive, unharmonic environment... saw an old friend who needed ny help in calming down... after that I myself started feeling disturbed. Lack of sleep doesnt help my mind. What I d like to add is that if people around you drain one s energy whilst we re out of resources, it s better to be on our own. People who give energy are rare
Taraisis, sadly there are some people who truly drain energy from us and anyone else around. It's up to us to learn how to deflect that negativity, let it go in one ear and out the other, for our health.
My mother in law was always so negative, a real sourpuss that grumped about everything and everyone. Yet in reality she lacked nothing except the ability to drive herself. One hour with her took a weeks recuperation. Two years ago a stroke took her vision completely, along with her brain functions. She's now in a assisted living home and had lost her home, her freedom, her privacy, her abilities to even walk on her own without assistance. Yet at times her mind is sharp and she says, "I didn't know what I had. I wish I could go back and not had my stroke." Other times she just cries or moans, not really communicating. It's very sad. And now I'd rather have her irritating and complaining for an hour than like she is now. But alas, we have no control. It's great if we find that o one good supporting relationship; I've been blessed, like FatiguedFighter. Hugs love and prayers you all have or will! 🙂💕🙏🌸