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Asking for help

Jul 17, 2017 8:30 PM

Hey everyone . I guess I just need to get this out . Since my surgery I have needed help a lot . Asking for help is very hard for me . To the point I will go without rather than asking for help. I don't like the idea of people going out of there way for me at all my hubby told me yesterday I need to ask for more help and that there is nothing wrong with it .

I feel like I am just being a baby about all this.
Anyways Thank you everyone for reading .

Jul 17, 2017 8:42 PM

I'm exactly the same I really struggle asking for help as I don't like to admit that I can't do something on my own, But you need to remember you have had major surgery and need to take it really easy until your body is recovered. Your husband is probably struggling seeing you in pain so helping you more would make him feel more useful if you get what I mean!

Jul 17, 2017 8:44 PM

I do get what you mean 😊 Thank you. This just sucks .

Jul 17, 2017 8:47 PM

I bet it does, I'm here if you need a chat😊

Jul 17, 2017 9:13 PM

It is ok to ask for the help! I have the same problem asking for the help! I tend to try and do it all on my own! Let your body heal and let people pamper and take care of you! Hugs! πŸ€—

Jul 17, 2017 9:31 PM

Thank you @littlelola. I appreciate that

Jul 17, 2017 9:32 PM

@Christmas7. Thank you. I am working on it . Hugs πŸ€—

Jul 17, 2017 9:42 PM

Sometimes we all need some help. Unfortunately it if really socks to as for help

Jul 17, 2017 10:27 PM

Westrengirl I am exactly the same but I've found that sometimes you really do have to ask otherwise you become very ill trying to do everything yourself and that isn't just physically either.
I've learnt over the last year that it's ok to ask for help especially where my 2 are concerned.
If I hadn't asked for help for myself both mentally and physically then I would of put a lot of pressure on myself and it would of made me worse therefore showing my 2 that asking for help is a bad thing plus social services could have gotten involved as I wouldn't of been able to function with all the extra pressure I put on myself.

I have found communication is the key, if you can't do something or struggle to do it on your own then say so you'll be surprised at how people will be willing to help you even if it's just a listening ear for you to let off steam or if you need support in doing something like help preparing dinner or help doing chores....which Westrengirl at the moment you mustn't do as you've just had major surgery so you need to let your body heal because if you don't then you could end up back in hospital with secondary, preventable issues and you'll have a whole lot of people angry/upset with you for not asking for help!!!
It will also set a good example for your daughter showing her that it's ok to ask and receive the help you need.

Sending you well wishes, positive vibes and warm healing hugs xx

Jul 17, 2017 10:28 PM

Ps sorry for the essay and I hope it's clear enough for you to understand xx

Jul 17, 2017 11:59 PM

@LMB. Thank you. That is true in life we sometimes have to ask for help even if we don't want to . πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

Jul 18, 2017 12:03 AM

@Sezzy. I love your essays . You give great advice through them. It is clear enough to understand . Thank you. This experience is really opening my eyes to see things in a different light. . I thought asking for help was a sign of weakness for me but now I know not asking and going without instead is weakness. πŸ€—πŸ€—

Jul 18, 2017 5:11 PM

When asking for help and everyone runs for cover and comes up with excuses why they can't help..you live so far away (which is true as I am 4hrs from sisters) but then find out they went camping an hour away from me..or every other weekend they drive 4hrs in opposite direction to visit inlaws....a "friend" who says they can't help cuz they have a shit car and can't trust driving 1.5hrs to help and then drives to a baseball game!
So why keep asking for help?
When this seems so blatantly telling me not to bother them.

Jul 18, 2017 5:22 PM

@Spunky I am sorry people treat you that way . They sound like my mother n law.

Jul 18, 2017 5:59 PM

I'm sorry your family and friends treat you that way. (((gentle hugs)))

Jul 18, 2017 6:19 PM

Spunky I'm really sorry that your friends and family treat you like this and I really wish I could help you but I am in the UK many many many miles away but know that you're in my thoughts and I'm sending you positive vibes and warm healing hugs xx

Jul 18, 2017 7:42 PM

Great reading: Brene Brown, Men, Women and Worthiness. This may seem irrelevant but trust me, it's well worth your time!

Jul 19, 2017 6:38 AM

Thank you all for the kind words and hugs..I truly do appreciate the kindness...πŸ’
((((group hugz)))))

Jul 19, 2017 2:18 PM

When having problems accepting help what I did was make a list and chart. I went though daily chores, weekly etc, then put down the ones that set me off, then the ones that I could do no problem, dusting, then the ones I can do part way. It looked like. 1-vacuuming, no way, 2- dishes, dishwasher mine hand wash husband. 3 laundry. Load washer mine, get clothes out, his, dryer get clothes out mine, carry upstairs his. That way you can see what you can do and the family sees what you can not do. Never have t ask after that, it hung on fridge for a couple months, and it helped me see I did more than I thought I did.

Jul 19, 2017 5:12 PM

@Zetarlov. Right now I'm can't lift 10 pounds . It sucks . I put laundry in washer but someone has to do the rest . I can hand wash dishes long as I'm not in pain.

Jul 19, 2017 5:41 PM

I'm so sorry for all your pain. It's hard for me to ask for help too. I'm gradually learning to do so and my husband is more than willing to help. Something new though. It takes a while for me.

Jul 19, 2017 6:59 PM

Think of it this way. If you and your husbands roles were reversed what would you do. Help or not if they said no to help. My wife helped anyway. And i can't blame her. Ego's never help.

Jul 19, 2017 8:04 PM

Hi @Mbek57. I never thought of it that way . My hubby told me I have an Ego. I didn't know what he meant but now I think I get it 😊 Thank you for putting it that way. It helped me a lot . πŸ€—πŸ€—

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