Hey everyone . I guess I just need to get this out . Since my surgery I have needed help a lot . Asking for help is very hard for me . To the point I will go without rather than asking for help. I don't like the idea of people going out of there way for me at all my hubby told me yesterday I need to ask for more help and that there is nothing wrong with it .
I feel like I am just being a baby about all this. Anyways Thank you everyone for reading .
I'm exactly the same I really struggle asking for help as I don't like to admit that I can't do something on my own, But you need to remember you have had major surgery and need to take it really easy until your body is recovered. Your husband is probably struggling seeing you in pain so helping you more would make him feel more useful if you get what I mean!
Westrengirl I am exactly the same but I've found that sometimes you really do have to ask otherwise you become very ill trying to do everything yourself and that isn't just physically either. I've learnt over the last year that it's ok to ask for help especially where my 2 are concerned. If I hadn't asked for help for myself both mentally and physically then I would of put a lot of pressure on myself and it would of made me worse therefore showing my 2 that asking for help is a bad thing plus social services could have gotten involved as I wouldn't of been able to function with all the extra pressure I put on myself.
I have found communication is the key, if you can't do something or struggle to do it on your own then say so you'll be surprised at how people will be willing to help you even if it's just a listening ear for you to let off steam or if you need support in doing something like help preparing dinner or help doing chores....which Westrengirl at the moment you mustn't do as you've just had major surgery so you need to let your body heal because if you don't then you could end up back in hospital with secondary, preventable issues and you'll have a whole lot of people angry/upset with you for not asking for help!!! It will also set a good example for your daughter showing her that it's ok to ask and receive the help you need.
Sending you well wishes, positive vibes and warm healing hugs xx
@Sezzy. I love your essays . You give great advice through them. It is clear enough to understand . Thank you. This experience is really opening my eyes to see things in a different light. . I thought asking for help was a sign of weakness for me but now I know not asking and going without instead is weakness. 🤗🤗
When asking for help and everyone runs for cover and comes up with excuses why they can't help..you live so far away (which is true as I am 4hrs from sisters) but then find out they went camping an hour away from me..or every other weekend they drive 4hrs in opposite direction to visit inlaws....a "friend" who says they can't help cuz they have a shit car and can't trust driving 1.5hrs to help and then drives to a baseball game! So why keep asking for help? When this seems so blatantly telling me not to bother them.
Spunky I'm really sorry that your friends and family treat you like this and I really wish I could help you but I am in the UK many many many miles away but know that you're in my thoughts and I'm sending you positive vibes and warm healing hugs xx
When having problems accepting help what I did was make a list and chart. I went though daily chores, weekly etc, then put down the ones that set me off, then the ones that I could do no problem, dusting, then the ones I can do part way. It looked like. 1-vacuuming, no way, 2- dishes, dishwasher mine hand wash husband. 3 laundry. Load washer mine, get clothes out, his, dryer get clothes out mine, carry upstairs his. That way you can see what you can do and the family sees what you can not do. Never have t ask after that, it hung on fridge for a couple months, and it helped me see I did more than I thought I did.