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At wits end !!!

Jun 30, 2015 9:45 PM

Well guys I told y'all earlier today that my Daughter and her fiancΓ© went job hunting today. Well they finally came home @4:30 pm with no jobs. Now they are talking about going to school. I just looked at them and then looked at that precious little baby and thinking how are they going to take care of her. How are they going to be able to buy diapers, and other things she needs in the coming months. My husband and I are the ones who is fixing to buy cloth diapers for home wear. I know she is going to have a fit but she will have to get over it. We can't be buying disposable diapers on our income. I don't know how much more I can take, we are all crowded together in a 14 x 30 cabin, it's wall to wall. We have little pig trails from the front door to the back God forbid we had a fire we would be able to get out the back door,because we have so much stuff shoved in front of it. It's awful that poor baby goes from her pack in play to her bassinet to sleep on . She is getting so long I give her a month if that in the bassenet, then it's the pack in play. It doesn't seem to matter to them. They sleep on a futon, we have a bed

Jul 01, 2015 10:22 AM

I am so sorry you are having this very difficult family situation. Being in pain doesn't help matters either. I hope they get a reality check and keep looking for jobs so they can take care of that baby. My prayers are with you. πŸ’•πŸ™πŸ»πŸŒΊ

Jul 01, 2015 11:37 AM

Can you not apply for social housing? It sounds like you have a serious case of overcrowding there.
Sincerely hope your situation improves soon and your daughter and partner consider the needs of their baby too. Gentle hugs.
P.

Jul 01, 2015 3:37 PM

Weezie, I'm very sad that your daughter and her boyfriend just assume it's up to you and your husband to pay for all the grandchild's needs and basically raise her. They are being selfish and unrealistic. If college is needed then one goes to college and the other works; then swap after the first one graduates.

So let's say they both go to school full time. Who will keep the baby? You & hubby. Then they come home and of course they'll have an astronomical amount of classwork to complete. So again, who keeps the baby? You & hubby. Then they must get their sleep because they have classes the next day. Who keeps the baby? You & hubby. Then on weekends they needed to get away for downtime... You keep the baby. What's going to happen to you both? Exhaustion, illnesses, stresses, fighting ...

Maybe it's time to sit them down and let them know it's not the grandparents responsibility to raise grandchildren. God naturally stops procreation as we age through menopause and testosterone decrease. That's because as we age we physically & mentally don't have what it takes to have & raise a baby to adulthood. My baby sister had her children between age 36-42. She says now she wishes she had them younger because entering their teen years they're more active and she's running out of steam. My sister is healthy, where you have chronic issues.

Consider what PJB suggested in the housing factor. But you also may want to consider that he & your daughter needs to move out with the baby. This would require them to become responsible parents who are the ones to predominately care for their child. When you're up to it, if you're willing, you could babysit during the day. As long as they live with you they are going to put 90-99% of the baby's care off on you. It seems to be the ideal living arrangement for most adult kids still living at home, who should be out on their own. And they'll continue the behavior until the parents say enough "leeching" of our income. As the baby grows and weighs more, will you be capable of looking after her? They say college degrees must be a bachelor's at the least; that's 4 years minimum. Can you hold up to that? Are you willing to? Something in your post says you really are feeling like they are taking advantage of y'alls hospitality. At the very least, they should sit down and ask for your input and if you're willing to take over the raising of the baby.

My suggestions may not be your way, and that's OK. I've been through this when my daughter & granddaughter lived here. It was the hardest thing we've ever done, telling our daughter that she needed to find her own place, that she couldn't just come & go as she pleased expecting us or her sister to raise her child because "she had plans." She got angry and said she'd be out in a month, but in the meantime we would not be allowed to see our spend time with her child. I asked her if she meant to keep her from us as punishment for trying to help her mature and she smarted off, "yes! You don't deserve to have any time with her." (Our granddaughter was already two). I calmly looked at her and said, "First of all, I can't believe this is the way you feel after all we & your sister have done to help you raise this baby. How you could possibly think to live here a month and walk past us all without letting us touch, play with our hold her, it's completely the most cruel hearted thing I think I've ever heard of. If that's truly your intention then you need to be out of here in a week. You will not manipulate us or our house rules of respect for each other by using your child as a pawn. If we allow your threat to scare us into backing down & giving in, so you can come & go as you please without paying any funds towards your's or her upkeep and use us as free babysitters, then you'll use her as a pawn every time you don't get your way. I'd rather you be angry and walk away with her for good, than to use that previous baby in such a cruel and selfish way. We would always have her snatched out of our lives and our hearts broken when you get mad. We did not raise you to be this way. We will say our goodbyes to both of you now, and you be out of here in a week.". Sadly she really did keep her from us for nearly three months! After she married she attempted twice more to manipulate us into paying for expensive things for them, and when we refused guess what... We were not allowed around the grandchild. The last time she did it we met her elsewhere alone and told her that she was not raised to use & manipulate people and we were tired of our broken hearts, and mostly for the little one's heartbreak. We wanted to come by and see them all to say goodbye, and then from that point on they were not to come around again unless they were willing to stop their manipulation & using our grandchild as a pawn to get their way. She called three days later and apologized, and she's never done anything like that since. As a matter of fact she now says "thank you for putting me out and making me grow up! "

Omg...Weezie my husband and I nearly died every time she pulled that, for 3 years! I am sorry for the rant (didn't realize it still causes pain to this day). But I guess I'm just real sensitive when I think someone is taking advantage of another. And I do think your daughter and her boyfriend are doing that to you and your husband. I sincerely hope I'm wrong and she's just immature.

At the least put your budget down on paper; what comes in & what goes out. Then sit then both down and ask them how is it fair to you both to be paying everyone's needs at your age? You didn't lay down, have sex and birth that baby, and therefore she's not your responsibility. If you choose as grandparents to pay for things from time to time, that's by choice and not responsibility. The responsibility belongs to them as the parents. If they weren't prepared for it, so be it, it is still them who needs to get jobs and raise their daughter, pay for her needs. And they need to make sure a second child does not come until they are capable and willing to be responsible parents.

Weezie, you've got a very heart breaking scenario in your home. And it's so very hard to take a strong stand, but when it's for what is right it's worth it. That baby didn't ask to be born. They were blessed with her birth, possibly as a means to help them mature. We are all here for you, anytime. You have to think about yourself first. If you get down in your back so badly you are bedridden for days or months, because you push beyond your limits, then where will you be?
I'll be praying for God to help you, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Remember, God speaks to us in whispers, so be still. (((Hugs))) πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Jul 01, 2015 7:47 PM

I know that this is not an ideal answer but in most states grandparents have legal right to see their grandchildren. It is not like they have any money to fight you in court. There are many state offices that will help you with legal aid at little to no cost. Hopefully she will just grow up and stop using a precious child as a weapon. Good luck. If memory serves me right you are near me in the Houston area. I know that legal aid is available here. Also look at the University of Texas website they are hiring several types of positions and so is HEB and Sam's Club.

Jul 01, 2015 9:59 PM

LMB, they have that in GA too. But I would never put my granddaughter through it. Thankfully, she's 9 and very smart. When she was little she'd ask, "when I come to your house?" And so as not to let her know what her mom & stepdad were doing, i'd look at her and say, "whenever mommy let's you.". She knows more than they think she does. And she's putting 2+2 together. She's probably the only blood grandchild I'll ever have, but her step siblings we treat as our own also. It's taken 10 years for them to grow up as parents... Well my daughter anyway, her hubby's still childish. Lol πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Jul 01, 2015 11:15 PM

Weezie, I hope I didn't say anything to upset you. It's only because I've been through things in my life that sometimes my responses seem harsh to others on the outside looking in. But trust me when I say every choice I've ever made that was hard was done out of love and in the best interest of all involved.

That being said, you aren't me, and your daughter isn't mine. In the deepest part of my heart I'd love to see people take responsibility for themselves instead of thinking that "Mom & Pop" bank is theirs for the taking. I don't want to see you hurting from their irresponsibility. You do what you feel is right for your family, especially yourself & the baby. And God bless you! Goodnight & prayers you'll have a peaceful rest. πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Jul 02, 2015 10:26 PM

Alwayz, Flappsy PJB,and LMB I thank all of y'all for everything that you said. Flappsy I know how it must have torn your heart intwo to kick her out. I must sound weak to y'all but I just can't bring myself to kick them out because they have no where to go and he will go and live in the woods . That's ok for him and my daughter but that baby can't live in the woods with no type of shelter. It just scares me to death about them staying on the streets or in the woods with the baby. I have been trying to get them to go to a lawyers office and sign paper work with me as a guardian, my daughter was but he refuses to be cause he did that with his father with his oldest child who is 5 yrs old. His father has had her since she was 2 yrs old. He told him when he showed him that he could keep a job,and a roof over his head he would let him have her back. Needless to say he hasn't done it yet. I was told last week by someone who knows the situation and they said that he would probably be gone in 3 months. If he does I think she will get out and get a job and work for her and the baby, she can't trust him and when she isn't with him she worry about what he is doing and can't concentrate on anything else. I'm not making excuses for her. But she would be so much better off without him in the picture. LMB I live in Lufkin, thanks for the heads up about Sam's and HEB hiring I will pass it on to them. Flappsy you have not upset me in any way. I appreciate everything that you shared with me. It's just been kinda crazy around here the last couple of days.

Jul 03, 2015 7:44 AM

Weezie, you're not weak!!! We all handle things differently, that's all. If he's manipulating her then I pray he will be gone! If his other child's already 5, and he's done nothing to improve himself... He's a leech, using all of you. If push comes to shove, you can always go to defacs or a lawyer, to legally obtain custody through the court system. A friend of mine did that with her daughters first two, and now she has the third child. She testified her daughter was not capable of raising the children or keeping a job. It was hard but she did it for the children. Good luck and God bless & give you strength and guidance! πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Jul 03, 2015 11:15 AM

Thank you Flappsy. You know that when you think they can't do anything more stupid than before they do. They decided to go to Galveston around 9 am no planning at all. His brother got his SSI check and they were supposed to be taking him around to pay his bills, he conned him out of money for two tires plus gas and food and drinks. They were going to take that 2 month old baby to the beach she has no sun screen for her. The baby would have been cooked in about 5 min because they don't have any sense. I convinced them to let me keep her while they went. Thank God they left her with me. They are going to drive me crazy !

Jul 03, 2015 12:50 PM

Weezie, I'm so sorry for the predicament that you're in. I've read your posts and there isn't anything else I can add to the advice you've been given. I pray that there is a rapid solution that doesn't take such a toll on you and your hubby and cause you such stress. I'll be praying for you all. πŸ’•πŸ™πŸ»πŸŒΊ

Jul 03, 2015 1:08 PM

Thanks Alwayz I appreciate it. I have resolved that I am going to have to see a lawyer about all of this and see what my options are. I hope and pray that there is something I can do.

Jul 03, 2015 1:11 PM

Well, we'll be praying right along with you!! Know you're not alone. You have a huge bunch of folks here that care about you and we're here when you need any one of us.

Jul 03, 2015 10:06 PM

Weezie, we will all join together in prayer that God show you how to handle this to keep that baby safe and secure! πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Jul 04, 2015 2:44 PM

Tthanks Alwayz and Flappsy I need all the prayers that I can get.

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