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Awful depression

Oct 16, 2015 3:44 PM

I've been waking at 3,4am in pain and unable to get back to sleep. I took meds at 5am after flip flopping for a couple of hours which did help but the day is wasted and I now I feel just bleak. Tried to refill Plaqyinyl but pharmacist said the dr wants me in for a visit first. An expensive visit which I truly don't need at the moment. Last time I was there I complained about ever increasing joint pain in my hands and he gave me a handout for a special can opener and commented on my extreme prednisone sensitivity. I can find nifty gadgets on my own for less than $350 an hour. He didn't even see the incidental finding on my mri report. He's an okay guy really but I wish I had a dr I felt better about. I'm nervous about the thyroid biopsy Tuesday--if anyone has had I would appreciate knowing how it was. I don't know if this app was updated recently but I had to register like new a couple of days ago. I don't know why I feel so bleak, maybe it's holidays and preparing to be alone which isn't that horrible it's just being reminded of it every second. I'm going to try and walk around the block. Maybe I'll chase my tail.

Oct 16, 2015 5:25 PM

It sounds like you are having one hell of a time. Most of us on here know exactly what you are going through so there is nothing you can't talk about. It sounds like although your doctor is a nice guy he isn't a very efficient doctor and when you are paying for it like you do there you need to spend it wisely. I would recommend you finding another one who is willing to look through all your records and works with you to help manage your pain. I am so sorry you are alone for the holidays. If i was there i would certainly spend it with all of the peeps on here. Welcome to the club and big gentle hugs for you. I wish you all the luck with your thyroid biopsy. If you feel safe and ok let us know how it goes just so we know you're ok. Xx

Oct 16, 2015 5:41 PM

Thank you Fallen, I always feel a little silly after posting. I'll be ok during holidays, I don't need to dwell on that. I would like to find another doctor though. I'm looking for a new eye dr too because I'm walking around with my left eye closed from those floaters. I feel like pain and illness have become too much of my identity. I would like to do something different now😐.

Oct 16, 2015 5:56 PM

Never feel silly with anything you post. You can discuss anything on here. It is hard to get a team of doctors on your side but once they are all in place you will feel more confident in discussing things with them. Pain does have a very loud personality and demands to be felt and heard. In saying that it doesn't have to be the be all and end all. It is a matter of managing it so that you can get the most out of your day. Keep your head up and know we are all here to support one another. Xx

Oct 16, 2015 7:12 PM

Marsemouse, don't apologize. That's what we are all here for. Holidays are hard for everyone, alone or not. Sometimes the stress makes me want to be alone. If you lived in GA you could come to my house. Is there a different rheumatologist you could get under? My rheumy doc makes me come in every four months. Is yours seeing you sooner than that? I'll be praying for your biopsy. (((Hugs))) & hopes you'll have a better weekend. πŸ™πŸŒΌπŸŒΉπŸŒΉπŸŒΉ

Oct 16, 2015 7:22 PM

I understand the annoyance with floaters I'll get those every few weeks and I just want to punch a wall. Idk how something so tiny can be so infuriating. I agree about holidays though they're rough. Honestly my boyfriend and I don't really celebrate them with anyone. It's too much stress to deal with. What I do is create a fun tradition by myself, pick a favorite movie and make my favorite food and just try to relax and enjoy it.

Oct 16, 2015 10:07 PM

Thank you siecat it is driving me out of my mind. When I first got floaters I panicked--like I'm going to see this forever?? But this is so much more intense and invasive. I'm starting to feel like I'm going mad today. Thanks for saying that about the holidays--I'd just as soon bypass them altogether. A movie is a great idea.

Oct 16, 2015 10:17 PM

Oh thank you Flappys and Fallen I don't know why I feel so awful for posting. Part of it is living here--I'm losing my sense of what is real, I don't know how to say it any other way. I was so busy being ashamed about all of this from the divorce and now I've landed in a puddle with someone who doesn't respond to pain like most human beings do--physical emotional or any other. Flappys thank you so much fly saying I could come to your house, I sincerely wish I could. πŸ’•πŸ’–

Oct 17, 2015 2:30 AM

Marsemouse, as far as the biopsy... I can tell you my experience (which was about 2 months ago) and my best friend that had thyroid cancer : we both did not feel the needle go in, but felt everything else. It is painful, I'm not going to lie to you. I silently cried through the entire thing and it was awful. You cannot move because they can obviously do something worse, but the pain is equivalent to getting a large bore IV run several times. They will take between 4 and 6 samples depending on what they see on the ultrasound. There will be 4 to 6 people in the room with you so if you need someone to hold your hand there's an extra person available. They get back to you with the results in about a week. Hope this helps and I hope I didn't make you feel worse. This is what my friend told me before I went in because I wanted the truth. If you do have a different/better experience, please let me know.... would like to know that it't ' s possible to have the biopsy without pain because they want to do another on me in 6 months to a year. πŸ˜•

Oct 17, 2015 6:36 AM

Marsemouse, I know how you feel waking at that hour and not being able to go back to sleep. Most nights I don't even fall asleep until then and then I'm up in 2 hours. Many times, I'll just stay up, like I did last night. I haven't been to bed yet and I'm pretty tired. I had a complete thyroid work up when I was 34. They did an uptake scan, something with iodine and they also did something (biopsy I guess) with a needle and checking some kind of cells I suppose. At any rate, I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease and they removed my thyroid. I have to say, it was the ONLY procedure I didn't read up on and boy did I regret it!! When the thyroid was gone, it threw me into what they call "a storm" overly anxious, depressed, panic attacks, agoraphobia, early menopause, etc. It took quite a while for them to get my Levothyroxine prescription to the correct level to straighten everything out. I had to be on hormones to bring my periods back and they did t work. I was going to an endocrinologist/gynecologist and I finally said I wasn't having the hormones any more. So 13 years without a period, then it came back just in time for me to REALLY go through menopause!! At any rate, try to stay calm, it is going to be ok. I'm sending you {{{{Hugs}}}} for support and you will be in my prayers. I'm here if you need me. πŸŒ»πŸ™πŸ»

Oct 17, 2015 9:20 AM

My sister has been diagnosed with hypothyroidism for 3 years. Because she didn't have insurance at that time she was going to a retired doctor, who had opened a clinic for the poor. He was a retired doctor of pharmacology! He kept adjusting her meds back and forth and a few months ago she started losing drastic weight. She went to her psych appt (2 mos apart on visits), and they were so concerned they referred her to a thyroid specialist. They did an ultrasound and found nodules in her thyroid, but also diagnosed parahyperthyroidism. That specialist told her they may do a biopsy if she doesn't start improving. He told her that no other doctor is to even discuss her thyroid with her because she could have died had she not seen him when she had. Thanks to others experiences I can tell her what to expect if they do a biopsy, and I'll go with her. πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Oct 17, 2015 10:19 AM

Thanks πŸ˜”. I am going Tuesday and they can't do it until 4pm. Serena did you take any meds first or after? I can take something for anxiety but not a lot because I'll be driving myself. Poo. I hate this.

Oct 17, 2015 2:28 PM

They told me I would be fine and they would numb me up. If you're allowed something, I would advise you take it. All you really have to do is lie extremely still and move your head back (almost off the table in an arch) when they ask you to turn either direction. Mine came back with parathyroid tissue. I have 2 nodules on the right side and a cyst on the left. I took my Percocet when I got home and used an ice pack there and at home. It was sore fore maybe 3 or 4 days. The first 2 were the worst. For me, the worst was just worrying what it was going to be like.

Oct 17, 2015 8:21 PM

Praying for good results and little pain Marsemouse! πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Oct 17, 2015 9:42 PM

Thanks Serena, I am doing a number on myself but trying to calm down. I've had worse procedures it's just the area. I liked the doctor which was a relief, and she said she would stop if I was in a lot of distresss. Not that I want to go back for more which they often have to do anyway (!) It's already sore--I iced last night for the first time and it really helped so I'll be ready with a lot more. I'm glad your results were good. I have a 'number of smaller cysts' (gaj

Oct 17, 2015 9:46 PM

hate when it sends without my consent. Anyway, that and a larger one around 1.5. Since they're often benign I don't see why I really have to😏 but I guess I should. I'm glad your results came back okay. Thanks for telling me about it and being honest.

Oct 17, 2015 10:58 PM

Hi, this is the first time I shared anything on here. I have OA I get 12 needles in my neck and shoulders every 5 ,weeks. I have deteriated disk in lower back and get 12 needles and epidural every few months. My OA is soooo sore in my hands and feet that I sometimes I just stay in bed not a good idea because I get depressed. I tried Tylenol 3, tramadol, percocets, oxycodon it takes the pain away just a little bit. Not sure what to do can't retire still need to work for a few more years. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sunshine

Oct 18, 2015 12:49 AM

Hi {{{Sunshine}}}welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear about your pain and the procedures you have to endure to manage it. I certainly the depression. I wish I could be more helpful about the oa pain, but people here do have suggestions. Sunshine, if you take what you posted here and start your own thread you will get a lot more help. That way it will be bumped to the top where people can see and be able to respond to you specifically. I don't want you to get lost in an older post about me and my depression! I don't know what device you're on but look for the posting icon and title it whatever you want, but include that you're new, or first time posting so everyone can have a chance to meet you πŸ’•πŸ’–.

Oct 18, 2015 12:51 AM

I certainly understand the depression I meant, sunshine. I'm certainly exhausted! I'll be looking for your new thread☺️. Good nightπŸŒΉπŸ’•

Oct 18, 2015 1:04 AM

Welcome caregiver to our family of chronic pain. This is a non judgment zone where you can say anything. There is a lot of great people on here that will listen to you and try and help. I have been here for about a year and half where I just stumbled up on it. I belive that God showed it to me, I have made a lot of close friends that I consider to be more like sisters. I also have osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, Degenerative disk disease, Syrinx,Syringomyelia, herniated disk @L4S1. I use OTC roll on Equate Cool and hot from wally world, tiger balm, heated rice packs, or you can put them in the freezer. Flappsy and Alwayz missing y'all too been Mia with a very sick baby, had to go to the ER twice and to Dr on friday. Marsemouse I hope everthing goes well for your procedure and have an easy recover with no pain. Will keep you in my prayers,sending everyone here great big hugs.

Oct 18, 2015 1:21 AM

Caretaker ugh I'm sorry. Where did I get sunshine? I'm befuddled with fatigue--please forgive me caretaker! I don't know if it's cognitive disturbance or just plain exaustion. Thank you WeeezieπŸ’–

Oct 18, 2015 1:28 AM

Weezie I'm so sorry you had to go to the er Friday! Are you feeling any better? And a sick baby tooπŸ˜•I'm glad you're back here and posting Weezie.πŸ’–

Oct 18, 2015 1:35 AM

When I'm exhausted I make mistakes. Mistakes are okay, someday I hope to believe myself. I don't need to have small heart attacks every time I realize I've made another, like misreading that Weezie was at the er twice for the babyπŸ˜”. But we're all friends here I hope. Part of the problem is scrolling up from this phone! But most is exhaustion. Thanks for being here with me. This burnt out brain is hitting the sackπŸ™βœ¨

Oct 18, 2015 10:41 AM

Marsemouse, yes, we are all friends here and we ALL make mistakes. Remember that if there were no mistakes, there would be no reason for erasers on the end of a pencil!! (Or, in the technical age, a delete button.. LOL!!) it happens and we all understand. Remember the "no judgement zone" we have here, so there's no reason to worry. Have a great day and I'm sending {{{{Hugs}}}} and prayers your way. πŸ™πŸ»πŸŒ»

Oct 18, 2015 12:27 PM

Thank you Alwayz I needed to hear that. I got precious little sleep last night, why is it so hard for the exhausted to rest? I remember seeing 1:30 2:30 3:30 am and the next thing I know the crows were squawking me awake at 6amπŸ˜‘. darn crows. I got used to them and think they're kinda cool even but they need to let me sleep when I'm able to. I hope you're feeling okay today AlwayzπŸ™πŸ’–

Oct 18, 2015 9:05 PM

Caregiver, welcome! I hope you will find as much support and compassion as the rest of us here. Marsemouse made a great suggestion about a separate thread, only because the pain companion app makes you lose the top convo unless you hit "show previous...". Many people don't go back to old posts once they respond, so they may not see you here.

I have OA all over my body, hands, knees and spine mostly. I've had injx and take muscle relaxers, Tramadol, voltaren gel, hear, and rice packs. What needless are you getting, acupuncture? I wish my insurance would cover it for me to try. Good luck and I'll say a prayer for you. πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Oct 18, 2015 9:52 PM

Thank you. IHe injections. Are cortisone and freezing. Also acupuncture and adjustments but my insurance runs out just when the acupuncture starts to make a difference. Your also in my prayers.

Oct 18, 2015 10:37 PM

It's been a rough weekend I didn't want to get out f bed the pain was so bad. I get very depressed and didn't do anything then I get get mad with myself and feel even worse when I know there's things to do around the house that need done. I hope tomorrow is better I have a job interview. It's in a nursing home. Rough on my body but need the job. Sorry for sounding like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I just need my get up and go to come back. Only 6 more years of work. Not sure if I can.

Oct 19, 2015 7:32 AM

caregiver sorry you had a rough weekend. I hope the interview goes well today, please let us knowπŸ’•

Oct 19, 2015 7:46 AM

Caregiver, first, I would like to welcome you to the community. I hope that you find the group to be as supportive, informative and understanding as I have. This app has truly been a Godsend for me. I have DDD, DJD, SI Joint Disfunction with fractures, cervical spondalytic myelopathy, among other pain causing things. Try not to be too hard on yourself for not getting things done. I understand that when you have a household to take care of, you want to get things in order but there are days when you just can't. Those are the days where you need to remind yourself that what needs to be done isn't going anywhere and it will eventually get done. I also understand about the depression because I already had an anxiety and depression issue before the pain problems began. It's only been exacerbated by the pain and stress of what it does to me and everyone around me. Take it one day at s time.. One moment at a time if you have to. I wish you the best of luck on your job interview and hope that you get the job. Just know that you are never alone, there is always someone here to talk to when you need to. Also, don't worry about "pity parties", venting or anything else. We've all been through it, we all do it and we all understand. This is a no judgement zone so whatever is on your mind, this is a safe place to let it fly. Sending you gentle {{{Hugs}}} for support and I will keep you in my prayers.πŸŒ»πŸ™πŸ»

Oct 19, 2015 8:11 PM

Wow ! I can't believe how much support you and Marsemouse have given me. Your right I feel safe and supported when talking to you. It helps the depression when I can vent and not be judged or told to shake it off.
The job interview went well I should know if I got he job in a few weeks.
Thanks again, you guys are great just what I needed. Hugs back to you.

Oct 19, 2015 9:45 PM

So glad to hear it caregiver! Anytime, and you are very safe and supported. Hope you have a great night. πŸ’–

Oct 20, 2015 3:02 AM

I am really happy that I was able to help you in feeling better. This is a very safe forum with many wonderful people at the ready to help when you need it. I hope that you have a restful night and wake to a more peaceful and less painful Tuesday. {{{Hugs}}} πŸ™πŸ»πŸŒ»

Oct 20, 2015 3:48 AM

Holidays I'm not even ready for all hollows eve. I'm here, and understand what you are going threw. For me when the pain I call the great anilator. Anil ates my thoughts my felling my streagth, it cannot take my soul. I am not the diseases that live in this body. I will be free of this, my soul is free of this. My love and light moshell.

Oct 20, 2015 9:49 AM

That is oh so true, Michele!! We are not our diseases. We are human beings who just happen to be afflicted with these painful and debilitating diseases. Our souls are free of these diseases. They do not dictate who or what we are. Many people don't realize that and even now, I need to be reminded myself of the same. Thanks for the poignant view of things in life. Hugs and prayers to you as well.

Oct 20, 2015 12:23 PM

Thanks MoShell, I never looked at it that way .

Oct 20, 2015 12:28 PM

Well,l I'm off for another interview ! You guys are the best like pills but it actually works. talk
to you all later.

Oct 22, 2015 7:56 PM

I've been thinking about seeing a naturopathic Doctor has anyone as any experience with one. Thanks, hugs and prayers sent out to everyone.

Oct 22, 2015 8:15 PM

Not me personally, however a friend of mine who was diagnosed with schizophrenia manages her illness with great success. She goes to a Chinese herbalist.

Oct 22, 2015 8:27 PM

Thanks so much ! Take care

Oct 22, 2015 8:30 PM

My insurance won't cover naturopathic doctors or acupuncture. If try them if they did. πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Oct 22, 2015 11:16 PM

Hi Caregiver,
If you feel drawn and trust the source you might get some good nutritional support which never hurts. I haven't seen a naturopath but I have done acupuncture herbs and other adjunctive treatments along the way. Some were questionable (and homeopathy never worked for me) but some were very helpful. I hope you're doing okay today caregiverπŸ’•βœ¨

Oct 23, 2015 6:48 PM

Hi marsemouse,
Thanks for your thoughts they always makes me feel better. Todsy has been a little bit better, still struggling with pain and depressions and a husband with a bad attitude . My insurance only covers a small amount I don't think financially I want to start. I started back on b12 and that helps a little. I got the job I went to the interview for. It's part time but thats ok for now. I know I'll feel better mentally once I go back to work. I know it will make my husband happier he's been nagging at me. Ive only been out of work for a few weeks. I always feel better after talking to you, you support us like you have no pain yourself, which I know you do. How do you keep strong and positive. Always in my prayers.

Oct 23, 2015 9:18 PM

Caregiver congratulations! That is wonderful news. I can't think of a better remedy for the self esteem or a nagging husband. You're so nice to say that caregiver, but me? The one with the relentless depression and infinite afflictionsπŸ™€? Thank you caregiver, I am honored to be in your prayers and keep you in mine.

Oct 24, 2015 8:35 AM

Congratulations Caregiver on the job! πŸŽ‰. I know it's going to help you emotionally. I envy you because for 5 years I've wanted to get healthy enough to at least work part time! At my last exam my doc said I'll never be able to work bc of my spinal issues and the need to shift from standing, sitting, and lying down frequently, and the edema in my legs (vein issue). But with me new PT I'm hoping I can at least not depend on my cane as much.

And I agree on your comment of Marsemouse. She is a wonderful support to us all, unselfishly! (((Hugs))) & prayers for both of you, & wishing you a blessed day! And for everyone...πŸ™πŸŒΌ

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