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Big Black Hole !!!

Jun 21, 2017 5:29 AM

I dont know what is going on with me but i reallllly hate it!!! Does the fibro play with every thing? I also have SEVERE DEPRESSION AND BI POLAR 2 ! and i feel depressed beyond depressed i dont have words for where i am right now... My Tree coming home this weekend that im happy abput but RESTING BITCH FACE WONT ALLOW ME TO CRACK A SMILE!!! Its like some one else has taken my body over, i feel Angry, i feel up set, i feel list, i feel like nothing matters any more i just lay n curl up n cry... Can i laugh yes it pops out once in a while kinda takes me by surprise.... My doc says he doesnt think that medication isnt working he thinks its some thing in me or issue with me not meds!! What ever im tired trying figure the shit out honestly !!!

Jun 23, 2017 7:38 PM

I feel the same way most of the time now a days! You just hit a point when you have to say WTF??!!

Jun 24, 2017 6:31 AM

I only been fighting this portion of life a year n barely a half... I had conditions previous but not like what i do now... Normally im pretty good i even have my art that i usually do in morn when i wake til i get sick or early afternoon .. But man it jyst keeeeeps piling n piling up... Im clise to oveewhellmed n wtf yea ...

Jun 24, 2017 8:57 AM

I have been OBE for at least a decade. Adapt and overcome with the help of pharmaceuticals.

Jun 24, 2017 9:06 AM

Not trying to make lite of anything, but really the will to live vs the alternative tends to win every time. There are "culminations" as you describe during which I just have to shut down. Thank God, my spouse gets it and understands (we met after I was jacked up). You and you alone can deal with that time, IMO. What overwhelms you? The pain? The sense of loss of control? All of it?

Jun 25, 2017 7:42 AM

My Tree is AMAZZZZING WITH OUT HIM ID DEFF BE A FUCKING LUMP !!! That man lived with me for two n half years before i got sick i worked my ass off went out did things bars to see my friends bands play ... Big shindigs such as ZONBIECON id take part for hours walking in costume etc... I was a diff person im trying to get use to the fact that is not me any more i cant go out to bars n enjoy music any more i am always getting sick... Or im tired cuz i gotten use to being up at 2:30am and now i start taking neds at 7 but that meds gone so now its 8 pm my last meds 9 pm usuallllly im out at least for min 2 hours solid cold some times i get 4 ... Then its up down up down rest more then avtual sleeep now im jyst sick n im going off meds with no choice im lucky have what i have by grace of my bf Tree!!! Im getting really weak n my systems angry ... Im now loosing time an days ... Every things fucked up i need make it to sept 26th to be in front of a judge fir my disability fuck by then i be a lump if i dont get passed im loose my fucking shit seriously i faught them aline for 9 years just me !!! I now finally got a lawyer 4 denials now court i have allllll papers there just pushing cuz they can if they dont pass me n sept omg seriously i will loose my shit they already owe me a year n half retro so whats point when WE ALLLLLLL KNOW I NEED DISABILITY !!! unfair its fucked up our govt doesnt give two shits about people like me or u or any of us $!!!... So yea i guess everything as a whole after 11 years fighting being sick since age 23 i guess u loise it after a while 😖😖

Jun 25, 2017 11:26 AM

But you are allowed to every once in a while, yes?

Jun 25, 2017 11:57 AM

MizzMonroe.. my ❤️ goes out to you. But honey the easiest thing to do is to flip the bird and throw in the towel. I'm turning 42 in October I've been diagnosed with lupus when I was 21. At the time I had a 1 year old, 4 year old, and a 5 year old. Doctors are amazed that I had children. Normally people with lupus have trouble conceiving or not at all. So with my straight face 😐 and in my mind I'm like you acting like I walked on water or turned water into wine. They had no idea what it was like caring for 3 little ppl and a disease that no matter how many meds they put me on this damn disease wasn't going anywhere. Oooohhhh it makes me hella angry just thinking about it. It's those same 3 little ppl who are 21, 24, and 25 that made me appreciate this life and all it throws at me. Now I have 4 grand babies, these are life's lessons little blessings I would have missed out on had I thrown in towel. UNBREAKABLE...that's we all have in common. A forum like this makes us that much STRONGER 💪🏽. God will not give us anything we can't handle, if he gave the blessing of air in your lungs if only for this day, ENJOY it. He may not make it smooth but He will help us ENDURE. Each day has its own ANXIETIES, so enjoy this day and when September comes he'll help you ENDURE that too. Praying for you🙏🏽.

Jun 25, 2017 12:53 PM

Thank you @Lakee75 i know there r many people that have it wprse then me ... I try reallllllly hard usually im pretty good but idk whats wrong with me right now ... Idk

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