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Bitter about how good other's cards are

Feb 08, 2017 1:45 PM

I had a really bad pain day today. I started crying at a group-exercise-pilates-thingy because I was so frustrated that I pretty much can't do anything without excruciating pain in my joints.

After the class, I messaged my closest friends about it in hopes of sympathy and a venting partner. As replies, I got "you poor thing" ":((" "hang in there" "wow that sucks" etc. But immediately after that, they all started a conversation about lipsticks.. I know they're there for me if I need them but I also know that since they don't know what chronic pain feels like emotionally and physically, they don't really know what to say to make me feel better :/

Since I got my diagnosis just a month ago, I'm still really bitter from time to time. I'm bitter that I can't just send a sad message and then forget about it and think of something else, I can't just move on. The emotional and the physical pain lingers. I'm trying to do better at not being bitter but as you all know, there's good and bad days :(

Feb 08, 2017 3:28 PM

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. You know you can always come here to vent. Do you do any crafts? What do you like to do that's soothing?

Feb 08, 2017 3:35 PM

You know, I've actually been thinking about starting to draw! I've drawn here and there but never actually put time into it.But I guess I should give it a go! Thanks!

Feb 08, 2017 4:53 PM

This is the place to vent & then move on. We all do understand limiting pain. What would you like to hear from us at these times of bitterness? How can we support you

Feb 08, 2017 6:24 PM

i suppose it's normal to feel bitter. I've tested on myself. One day i'm happy, another i'm aphatic, another one I'm down and feel alone even if I have a partner who support me. People can not understand because they think "it's a simple backache... what the hell! tomorrow he'll be better...". My colleague today was explaining to me his backpain... he was bored because he must be visited once. One visit. Only one. I've though: "what are you crying for? do you know how many visits I have to do per year???" Then I realized: we are lucky because we are stronger than these people.

Or, at least, I like to suppose this!

Feb 08, 2017 8:40 PM

I completely get it. I am so tired of hearing " oh I get some of that in my knee ( or hands or wherever) when it rains "

It is not the same. Chronic disease means it does not go away, ever. It can get better or worse but it is never gone. We know we will never be 'normal ' again. It stinks but they will not get it unless the get a chronic disease.

Feb 08, 2017 11:21 PM

It's natural to go thro bitt76itt78ògernessI was ph, anger and grief and your still newly dx so these feelings will be more prominent.
Let yourself feel these feelings and don't hide them away, if you do hide them or repress them they can manifest ojtoñnjj90ù

Feb 09, 2017 1:30 AM

Sorry about that jumbled up reply I was in the hight of painsomnia where I'm soo tired but in too much pain to sleep....sometimes I make sense but mostly not!!!

It is natural and normal to feel bitter, angry, grief and resentment, you've not long been diagnosed so they'll be more prominent.
Don't repress or hide these feelings, you need to let them out otherwise you will cause yourself more pain and become a very bitter and resentful person but you are soo much more than that. Don't let your feelings manifest into more pain remember you are more than just then pain and you can still live a happy life, of course there'll be ups and downs but everyone goes thro that.

Unfortunately people who don't suffer with a chronic condition won't be able to fully understand but there's a couple of links that you could send to your friends so that they may start to understand a little bit.

One is called the spoon theory and the other is called the letter to normals.

https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

That link is the spoon theory link and I'll post the other one when I find the link

Feb 09, 2017 1:31 AM

The spoon theory link didn't post properly so I posted it again

Feb 09, 2017 1:38 AM

That is one link but if you search letter to normals there are quite a few links from different views. The one I posted is a fibromialga letter but there are many more like ones for different chronic pains like back pain and such.

I hope this helps a little and that your pain eases up for you.
Sending you positive vibes and warm healing hugs xx

Feb 09, 2017 3:55 AM

HeyItIsMe, I know exactly where you're coming from. People who don't have pain cannot understand what we deal with on a day to day basis and how the effects of it ripple into every aspect of our lives. I've been in chronic pain for over 25 years and it's not easy to not snap or feel bitter and stay positive. Each time I go to another doctor and get yet another diagnosis it takes me out at the knees (I've got a laundry list of shit that's wrong and I don't really want to add to it).
That being said, you have this wonderful group of people here in the nuthatch to keep you afloat and give you some positive energy and support. One day at a time and if you're having a bad day, reach out and talk about it with us.. there's always someone who will come running to your aid (or in my case waddle.. LOL!!😳🙄😜). It's all going to get better and worse and better again. Just know you're not alone and that there are many, many people who not only sympathize but understand what's happening to you. I wish you the best and am sending you gentle, healing {{Hugs}}, positive vibes and well wishes your way.🤗💕

Feb 09, 2017 2:48 PM

I'm brand new here but I am so with you. But on a better I day my brain finally kicks in and says that they probably don't know what to say. And when I'm at my worst, I don't know what they could say. You hurt so bad that no matter what they say would be the right thing. I know my hubby is there for me and would do anything for me but he does the same thing. And not about lipstick but something. I think that is him trying to get my mind off of it. But at my worst I am just upset with him.

And when someone tells me their pain I feel like they are trying to start a competition of who is the worst. I promise I would win but they would never believe me. I think, when my brain is working, they are trying to be empathetic but it doesn't work.

But atleast here, when someone says they understand, and hurt too, it is probably true and justified empathy. I feel for you. I am right there with you. But I'd be glad to support you anytime and listen. We can exchange ideas, tips or things that worked for us. Usually mine have only worked for a very short time. But when you're really hurting a few minutes of relief can be a lifetime to us. Hang in there.

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