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Blue day

Jan 27, 2016 3:16 PM

Just exhausted from worrying about money, pain, sick, insurance, disability, how am I going to take care of everyone, money, sleeping, pain pain pain pain pain..... If I just give up and sleep forever, how long before my body dies? These thoughts keep swirling through and everyone keeps saying, "just hold on, it'll get better," "hang in there, you'll be OK" or my favorite, "stop being so dramatic, you think you got it bad, you should try MY life"..... WTF? It never gets better, it's never OK and WHY the HELL would I want to try on someone else's pain when I can't fucking handle my OWN?!?!? what do I do? Please someone just tell me what to do....

Jan 27, 2016 4:04 PM

Phoenix no worries im with u. I'm having a hard day also but u know u are saying exact what ice been thinking and feeling. Money is always a struggle and your mad to fell less than if u askmfor help. It's bad enough you have live with pain no one wants to understand but on top!of it all u have to support a fame pay bills!s make a life .
I'm sorry I can't tell u how to !make it better because I'm looking for that answer also. I'm exhausted from the pain not having meds not having moneynfor meds still being expected to continue on.
Only when u get your end of rope do they give u a little sympathy. But does not last long. And oh the comments statement I'm so sick of them.
I'm sorry your having to deal with this . i appropriate
w u sharing with us. I'm sure some else can have better word of support for you and in the mean time I'm hoping u get to find a place of rest and peace .

Jan 27, 2016 4:27 PM

Blue day here also. Grrr... Gripe sessions can be a valid way to release some stress, right? So, gripe here, where people understand. And later, tomorrow, afterward, maybe hope can bud.
And yes, I too hate the, "Why don't you just... " comments.

Jan 27, 2016 5:15 PM

And I don't know bout u guys but now that my family knows I have a supp system that is not them. They have an issue with me being part of this group. Trust i dontt care. But it just tops off my discontent with there attitudes lately.

Jan 27, 2016 7:23 PM

They have a problem with what?

Jan 27, 2016 7:35 PM

Sorry, I couldn't say more because their (whoever they are) having a problem with your having a support system is wrong on so many levels, unless you are totally incompetent. Not, your posts prove you are competent. Geeez, some people. Let them walk a tenth of a mile in your shoes and they would run to this support site!!!!! One of my remarks to insensitive people is while I know you couldn't walk a mile in my moccasins, how about trying 10 minutes. Then come back and we can converse. People get a grip!!! But for the grace of God, this could be you, may be you one day! Guess I'll get off my soap box cause everyone on this site knows what's going on and the others won't even bother to reach out.

Jan 27, 2016 7:49 PM

Donamel... My sentiments exactly, my family is or was good in so many ways in the past. But u know the saying of you don't know people til there under pressure.. I'll admit my family has been through a lot this year almost everyone in this home has had or is having a serious health issues. But at this point I'm the only one getting all the poop... Not to say I'm suffering more or that anyone should feel sorry for me... But ive lost my apartment had ro leave my boyfriend ro be near my family and at this point im the whi has yet ti get a full resolution of my health.
I know for a fact they could not do what I'm doing. Ther personally is not the type to just take peoples crap.. Even when. I was in a ball on the floor crying. I was still trying to help mom get dad's lunch together.
Maybe I should really just back off stop doing what I have been. I don't really know ... I just really want to be happy not in pain and living on my own.
Quess I'll get off my soap box now.. But it does make me angry

Jan 27, 2016 8:20 PM

Phoenixrising, I wish I had answers of how things will change or when they will change. I wish I had money to help you! I know you, and several others on here, have been struggling so hard for well over a year. While I feel so blessed that my hubby and I can make it without my job, without struggling too much... It makes me feel guilty that we aren't struggling as badly. I do understand being so tired of it all, wanting to give up fighting. I was there 2 years ago. I truly wish I new something you could do to have it a little easier, some relief. You're in my thoughts and prayers! Hugs & love! πŸ™‚πŸ™πŸŒΌπŸ’•

Jan 27, 2016 8:23 PM

Flappys first please don't ever feel guilty for your blessings. I would not wish my pain a d struggle on anyone and I'm sure others are the same. Trust I wish there was an easy button and all the problems are.gone I'm thankful that you are resting in a financial Peace.

Jan 27, 2016 9:18 PM

Flappys, never feel even a tiny bit guilty about being financially stable!!! Just be thankful that it's one thing that life DIDN'T throw at you. You've got more than enough on your plate to have to deal with that too. I'm just so scared and so tired and I just want someone to come and tell me that it's OK, that they'll take care of everything. I'm tired of trying to fix everything as it destabilizes and falls apart under my feet. I want to stomp and scream that it's not fair and keep screaming until someone does something about it!!!!!!!!! But no one ever does and I'm stuck digging a hole in the mud in a pouring rain.... and drowning

Jan 27, 2016 10:05 PM

Hello. . New to this group, I have been in chronic pain sents 1991, I'm the been there done that, I'm still here, I'm raising 2 teen granddaughters, I'm still walking, I'm cancer free
I'm still alive. ..
My pain is the assurance I'm still in the physical world, I am thankful
I can SEEING sun rise sun set
I can HEAR voices of my loved ones, rain,and bird song
I can WALK crawl or stand
I can take my walker or chair and go as far as I challenge myself...
So many things we can look at positive. .DON'T MEAN I DON'T GET DOWN DEPRESSED
Heck I cry,I'm mad learning to except and let the emotions flow.. and wipe my eye's blow my nose .. and take hot bath, hot tub massage , color stare at candle light in silence or music
Hard part.... diet.. sorry sugar no caffeine I suffer for it, ... keep moving .. no matter what, and if ya must .. local ymca has a heated pool get to that and move it helps so much... so HANG IN THE REDUS your not alone

Jan 28, 2016 12:57 AM

Phoenix,
I totally relate. I'm having stress, mostly money, housing, increased pain, and family issues. Then a bus accident, and I'm still shocked at how naive so many of my peers are. A obviously already spoonie got launched to the front of the bus, barely got up and was in so much pain. I'm only feeling a bit, just enough to flare. Anyway, one of my classmates said "he got up, he fiiiine" like pain is no big deal...

Also, thanks for using honest (or at last that's how I feel) language.

Jan 28, 2016 1:00 AM

Big up the fighting for your self positive vibe... they may throw you to the wolfs... just coming. Back as the leader of the pack...

Jan 28, 2016 9:01 AM

Phoenix, I'm very grateful that we are blessed and don't have to worry. But it still makes me feel awful for you and Ferretbandit, and others in y'all's shoes. I use to hand money to people begging (when I knew they were in need, guy feeling), and donate to charities to help the homeless. Now it hurts to even donate to one Salvation Army bucket at Christmas. We now have to watch every penny. Working in a bank years ago I learned how to budget, which was good because my hubby doesn't have a clue. Heck if he'd been paying the bills we probably would be in serious trouble. I am praying God will provide a way to ease some of the burden you all are under. It's a shame the people handing out $$$ to strangers isn't in your area.

Rain, welcome to the community! It sounds like you have a lot to be thankful for, especially the cancer. My dad has battled three types of cancer in the past 21 years. As for raising teenagers, been there, done that. So glad for an empty nest! My daughter asked me to undo a curse she thinks I put on her (when I told her & her sister I hoped they grew up to have 10 just like themselves). Lol She's only got 1 teenager and 3 preteens. I understand because I try to stay upbeat by thinking of all I can still do, instead of what I can't. But sometimes it just gets overwhelming. Like you said about letting the emotions flow, it helps get over the hurdles. And it's wonderful having a supporting community to turn to. I hope you settle in and get the support you may need.

Hugs, love, & prayers for you both! πŸ™‚πŸ™πŸŒΌπŸ’•

Jan 28, 2016 9:42 AM

Phoenix, you go ahead and stomp and scream and swear!!! If that is a powerful enough release for you to get this out, so be it. I understand where you're at. The other day my Dad said something about when I get to be his age (86), and I said to him, I don't WANT to be your age!! At 50 I can't imagine another 36 years on top of the 23 I've already suffered. Why would I want to get "old" if I feel like I'm 90 now and the pain is so bad?? I never know from one day to the next how I will be. Will I be functional? Will my pain be more than I can stand? Will I be able to pay my bills? I had to move home when I stopped working because I couldn't afford rent and all that goes with being on your own. I still have huge expenses. I'm not going to live here and not pay my way. So, even at 1/2 the rent and groceries, etc. I still worry. I also get scared about what happens when they are no longer here? I can't keep this house. It would be sold, split 5 ways and then I'd have to figure out where to go. I wouldn't want to live with any of my brothers or sisters and I personally would t want to subject them to having to deal with my issues. Everything is so uncertain when you live the life that we do. I'm not going to tell you to "Hang in there", I'm simply going to say, I'm here for you, my heart is aching for you and I'm sending you lots of love, {{{Hugs}}} and prayers that you have a better day. πŸ’•πŸ™πŸ»πŸŒ»πŸ˜Š

Jan 28, 2016 11:53 AM

Lol, I feel you on the age thing AlwayZ! πŸ™‚πŸ™πŸŒΌπŸ’•

Jan 28, 2016 5:59 PM

I'm so thankful you're all here. Keep posting. I understand your thinking . . . Lost everything to mistakes I didn't know I was making due to MS & fibro, etc., cognitive symptoms, fatigue and pain - I thought I was just getting stupid and lazy, before any diagnosis. Now, living with daughter and her family, I wonder about the future. What will happen when my symptoms further keep me from talking care of myself and I can't help or participate in family life even as little as I can now? Stay calm, I tell myself, be cheerful when possible. My dad is a healthy 93 but I don't desire long life with the worsening Sx of all my Dx.

Jan 28, 2016 6:47 PM

Pheonix, I am not trying to be insensitive because I don't know your situation. You mentioned that you are trying to take care of everyone? I was wondering if you are taking care of people that are not really your responsibilty in your situation. I always want to help people and I take on people's problems to the point of hurting myself and costing myself money. I was wondering if you do that? It happens to kind hearted people. Not to say I if you aren't you are not kind hearted. It would actually be smart.

I don't know how long you have been in severe pain. I have been in bad pain for a long time. I have really bad days and others I don't. But I have been helped by differEnt procedures and medicine. Have you looked into different programs to offset cost of medicine. Like I know some people who pay a lot for Lyrica can get it for free. I am sorry you are under so much stress. I know it is hard. I have been there.

I know people say stupid things to make your situation seem less. They are idiots and lack compassion. But I do think in time things will get better. That no doubt is not a relief to you because your bills are here now. In the past, I have prayed about such matters and things had a way of working out even when they shouldn't have. An act of kindness came my way. Something like that. I hope things will work out soon for you. I hate to hear you are under this pressure especially while under so much pain and then being being amplified with no sleep. My best wishes to you Pheonix.

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