Learn from patients with pain similar to yours

CatchMyPain Community and Pain Diary App to manage chronic illness

Burst of Emotions - still hope

Feb 18, 2019 3:58 PM

Not new here. Created new user ID for new pain specialist treatment. Anyways, end of this rant, there is light.

I’ve been let down several times by my gp and have always feel intimidated by her. I’ve been in pain for 8 years and with the doctor for my last 2.

Don’t get me wrong, most doctors are good, even mine. After years of nagging, I’ve been off all opioids for 5 months. It was a victory on her part. Since then, my medication consist of only Gebapentin and paracetamol.

Days went by, side effects were horrendous. I told her it’s not working, my back spasms are simply not manageable. She told me to stretch it out. Months went by, I played along. I told her I can’t get out of the slump and it’s not working for me. She brushed me off and kept increasing my dose for gebapentin. I’m like what’s going on. I didn’t dare say anything.

I was waiting for a new pain specialist appointment so I could get proper treatment as I wasn’t getting any. I’ve waited for months and even between each appointment I would ask about it. She said she hadn’t heard back anything. After 5 months of putting up with her, I asked again. She said there was nothing on file. I cried.

I went home. With sudden burst of emotions, I boiled water and poured it over my hand. It felt good. Nobody knew. I was then getting attention like I was suppose to. Took 2 whole months to heal, still healing. Pain subsided and now my back is getting all the attention again.

It is the lunar year holidays. I asked for paracetamol with codeine, just one day of pain free. I never ask. She said no. I cried. I’m a 40 year old young man balling my eyes out. I went home. I head butted the wall so hard I passed out. I feel concussed. I later wrote a letter about how I felt and what I have done. All the self harm I have done.

I had a call from a social worker the next day. They wanted to see me about my letter. It was the doctors colleague. I went. Told me they were not comfortable with prescribing me anything else due to my history.

I asked them what history? I’ve never abused, I was still working till they switch my medication. I still had a life. Now I don’t. I know I’ve got serious depression going on. You can be blind and still see it.

I was picked on about how I missed one appointment in 2017. I’m like it’s 2019. Anyways. It got messy. I cried.

Light shown and my prayers were answered last week. I had a teleconference with a pain specialist set up by my previous doctor. I was told that I shouldn’t have being on those medication from the start as there had never being any proper diagnose.

I’m happy and tomorrow MIGHT be the day I can get a full report on how to manage my pain the correct way. 8 years I’ve being waiting.

However I’m so scared I get let down again. I’m not sure what to do is nothing is being done. I don’t want another out burst of emotion again.

Feb 20, 2019 8:33 AM

I know that feeling... It's like they think depressed people can't handle meds that can be abused. Paracetamol can be abused! So we shouldn't take anything?!?

I hope the specialist can help you. Don't take no for an answer!

Ready to start relieving your pain?

Join Community