Learn from patients with pain similar to yours

CatchMyPain Community and Pain Diary App to manage chronic illness

Can being needed be considered an addiction or is it just a cry for attention

Jun 23, 2016 1:10 PM

This question has been in my mind for a while now. For about two years. I know people who do things just because they know others will find out and they will be praised or get some positive attention. These people I feel sorry for because once its revealed that this is the oy reason they are doing thinhs most times it stops.
However, I know people who feel compelled to do things for other despite the fact it may bring harm to themselves or inconvenience the person it's being done for. On the surface of the act it seems like enough but if u look deeper and see the person heart and u see the desperation of having to have this person in there debt . It shines a different light on the deed. I hope I'm making some sense here. If you see a different angle thst I may not see please comment. I'm really looking for insight on this.

Jun 23, 2016 1:30 PM

It's the same with doing bad things for attention.
Manipulation and having people owe you because you did something for them even if they didn't ask you too... I think it can fall under mental illness or complete lack of self esteem. The first one, doing things just for praise is definately lack of self esteem and self worth. Either case they should probably get some help.
Some people don't even realise they are doing things like that, it's subconscious, and others do it on purpose. I don't think anyone besides the person can really know the reasoning as to why they are doing these things.
In my experience is usually a manipulation tactic used because they have no idea how to relate to the person so they must find something to keep the other person close.
Sometimes people are just nice and want to help but that's few and far between, everyone is looking out for themselves not the other person, which is why i have trouble accepting help with anything. If you do this for me what am i going to owe you in the future? Maybe I'm just suspicious of people.

Jun 23, 2016 2:13 PM

Gotobef, I'm basically in agreement with you on this. I have a very hard time accepting help from people because most times they want something in return. I see the need for the person to get help because I'm the end it's re hurting themselves. Because once other figure out what there intent is they will simply stop accept help and this causes the person wanting to help to feel rejected. Which is a whole nother issue. It's a horrible cycle. But like u said until they see it as a problem themselves it won't change.

Jun 23, 2016 3:53 PM

The first thing that comes to mind is codependency. That's where someone will stay in any relationship, whether good or bad for them or others, because their main goal is they need to feel needed.

Jun 23, 2016 5:38 PM

I think that someone with chronic pain was so used to working, taking care of kids, and helping friends before the chronic pain, that they now feel the need to help others because it makes them feel more useful. Not worthless. I am not saying it is not a form of depression or codependency, but I do not feel it is a manipulation. I don't think they are always doing it so that someone owes them. I just think it is their own way to build their self worth. Build their self esteem. Some people are genuinely nice even if it hurts them.

Jun 23, 2016 5:55 PM

Saphire380 I'm glad you have nicer people in your life than I do.
There are certain people that call me and the first thought when I see their number is 'now what?' People that offer to help you move or offer to come over and clean for you just so that later when they need something done they can say 'but i helped you with that so why won't you help me with this' when you are in no condition to go help them and they know it. People who ask how you are just to look polite so that they can spill all their crap on you and try to bring you into their drama.
It is a form of manipulation and most times people don't even know they are doing it or being manipulative. It's the guilt tripping after because they helped you and you can't help them. That's manipulation.
Wanting to help even though it'll damage you because you feel worthless is different. People should only help if they want to and are not going to expect anything in return and if it's not going to cause them problems. I've had people volunteer to help me with something or just show up and do something to help and then tell me later that it kicked their butt for days after and how crappy they felt which made me feel bad that they helped, also manipulation because they made sure that i felt i owed then for their hardship that they caused by doing something for me that they shouldn't have been doing to begin with even though i never asked them too

Jun 23, 2016 6:26 PM

Saphore380, I can appricate your view. I do believe there r genuinely nice people on earth that truely want to help.i love those people anf wr need more of them. However, have u ever met someone who u felt was purposely pulling on your emotions just to make themselves feel better? Or that they were using you to promote there own agenda? These are the people I'm thinking about. Do u feel they are making a conscious choice to do thesr things?

Ready to start relieving your pain?

Join Community