Learn from patients with pain similar to yours

CatchMyPain Community and Pain Diary App to manage chronic illness

Can someone care too much?

Mar 02, 2018 9:23 PM

I was diagnosed with fibro over a year ago and I'm learning to judge my limits better, but I still push myself too much at times. I am fortunate to have a very supportive family, including my 15 year old daughter. I don't expect her to understand it completely by any means, but any time I groan as I stand up or grimace from moving, she'll ask me if I'm okay. I fight the urge every time to ask her if the grass is orange. Am I being oversensitive in wanting her to stop asking if I'm okay? Honestly, I'm never truly okay but I also don't want her to fully realize how much pain I deal with every day of my life now. I also have a 10 year old son that visits and he knows I have limits now, but I feel like he doesn't need to understand the details of my illness. Is it possible to balance my children's innocence with an understanding of what this chronic illness is and the effect it has on everyday functioning?

Mar 03, 2018 6:16 AM

I think you should tell her because then she will have more of an understanding of what’s wrong and maybe she could help you.
Just my opinion

Mar 03, 2018 7:05 AM

Thank you. That's the thing though, I've explained it all to her and now she worries more. It's not nearly as bad as having someone say to get over it or quit complaining, but every time she asks if I'm okay it feels like a reminder of how incapable of doing things I am now. I just don't want her to feel like shes being saddled with too much responsibility so early in life. My mom had rheumatoid arthritis and lupus when I was growing up and there were times that I hated being around her because I for asked to do so much more than if she was more mobile. When I got older and truly understood her illnesses, I felt horrible about my younger thoughts. I just can't help but worry that my daughter will have the same kind of thoughts that I did at her age or feel like she has to take on more responsibility to help take care of me instead of enjoying her childhood while she can. I hope this makes sense because sometimes my thoughts don't translate to words vey well.

Mar 03, 2018 8:56 AM

Just tell her if it get to be to much she will be the first person you will ask for help. It includes her, but it might let her relax about you a bit.
Just my way of thinking.

Mar 03, 2018 11:51 AM

I like that idea, thank you. With her personality, that just might be the perfect solution!

Mar 04, 2018 10:53 AM

I like what Achybreaky says because I feel the way that you do because my husband means well but is driving me nuts with the worry. It's a bit different for you because You are explaining to a very considerate young child-pre teen. Still, I like that answer. Your concern for your children's understanding it well without scaring them is very loving . Good luck with whatever you choose.

Mar 04, 2018 2:12 PM

Thank you 1Betsy, it seems strange to be worrying about someone caring too much but it can be as exhausting as someone not believing sometimes. Thank you all for your help on this.

Mar 05, 2018 9:01 AM

I'd like your children because I think mine were switched with aliens. They don't care. My son moved out when he turned 18 because he didn't want to be bothered and my adult daughter has time for everyone but me. I'm not kidding. These aren't the kids I raised. Influenced greatly by my sister who had always been jealous and now gloats in my suffering. I don't share everything but the little I share they don't want to hear. I don't know where I've gone wrong. I try not to dwell on it and try to manage on my own. I've gotten assistance from the available resources. But it hurts to have children who don't care or want to help even when you ask. Consider yourself blessed that your daughter pays attention and cares enough to ask.

Mar 05, 2018 9:24 AM

Oh wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. If my ex had it his way, my children wouldn't care either. I'm not sure I could handle my kids being that way.

Ready to start relieving your pain?

Join Community