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Can't seem to find the right mix

Jun 27, 2017 5:54 PM

Hey all. I have psoriotic arthritis and degenerative disc disease. I've had 4 lumbar laminectomy surgeries. The most recent were August of 2016 and February of this year. The last was the worst. I was paralyzed from the waist down for about 2 months and I'm still partially paralyzed (drop foot syndrome, numb down side of both legs, outside of foot numb, numbness in the groin area and my legs feel very heavy.) I've tried many different coctails for meds. The most recent is oxycodone and Sevella. I was wondering if anyone else has been on Sevella? I've been on it for almost a month now and I haven't felt any improvement. The only thing I can feel from this med is a terrible disconnect with reality. I feel I can't keep a train of thought and my mind races. I was wondering if others felt this way or will it take some time?

Jun 27, 2017 9:00 PM

I have definitely felt this way. For me when it comes down to it, it just feels like defeat like it is taking over my life. You have posted on my posts before and we both share slight anxiety, this plays a crucial role in the way we feel. You aren't disconnected all you are feeling is a sense of defeat and like things are just taking over trust me I known have felt this way and thought long and hard about it. You just need to get up and kick defeat in the butt and show it that you can and you will. You've got this and the disconnect won't last forever nothing lasts forever eventually things come to a close and sure it was a hell of a bumpy ride to get to the end but it ends and there is a light at the end of the tunnel so just hang in there this feeling will change but until then breathe and live life to the best of your ability don't let anything slow you down or hold you back from anything you can do. Breathe through those moments and think about why you enjoy the small moments you feel good think about the people you love and remind yourself of the facts. If it helps say your name where you live who your family is where you were born things you enjoy anything that you know is a fact and this helps remind you of the things that are real and that disconnect will slowly fade. You need to know what you know as a fact and let the rest go for a time being. Please hang in there. I'll be praying for you :)

Jun 27, 2017 9:07 PM

Thank you. Please don't pray for me though. I don't find comfort in praying or the belief. The light at the end of my tullel are at best a flicker. After each time I come home from surgery the affects are even worse. There was a point in this last surgery that I really truly wanted to give up. I haven't felt much better since the given my condition has not gotten better. Sorry for the poor me speach I've just learned to give up on all positive ways of thinking due to they have done nothing for me.

Jun 27, 2017 9:20 PM

I understand that but please don't give up. Remember it ends and find something that brings you comfort. I totally and completely understand the exhaustion you feel. Maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is just a flicker because you are getting closer but you aren't quite there keep traveling and walking and exploring the tunnel or cave it will get closer and soon enough you'll find it. I know soon seems like an eternity but you got this. I know this may seem weird but a lot of your recovery depends on you. The doctors can only do so much but you have to do something or anything that you can to help yourself. I hope this doesn't sound rude. I just put this out there because I know a lor of surgeons and doctors and they all say that if a patient does something for themselves they get better a lot faster and I know this next one is not pertaining to you but a lot of people who surgeons almost loose on the table but don't is because they want to live. A lot of the surgeons I know will tell people when they are on the table that it's up to them and their will to come out of this strong. I know of a surgeon who had a lady with a heart transplant and they took her off of bipass and the heart was not beating and he leaned to her and said you have to make this heart beat yourself it's up to you and I know this all sounds cliche but it's up to you find something and don't stop until you find something that works push for the things you need and the doctors you need. I hope you can at least find a little hope and encouragement in this. I wish I could lift some of this weight off of your shoulders. I wish you my best

Jun 27, 2017 9:26 PM

Thank you for the kind words. I'm just at a point in which the more I try the more problems tend to come to the surface and each and every time they do they come a lot stronger. I'm just saying I'm losing the fight and I just want to sit and watch the show. This whole situation has ruined me to the point that everything I enjoyed or loved I no longer do. I'm just numb to it all. I've had people tell me to put myself in God's hands and he will guide me but I even proved that theory wrong too. I don't want to sound like a negative Nelly but I have nothing left.

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