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Can't stand up for myself

Dec 30, 2016 10:58 PM

So my boyfriend is hosting a poker game for his birthday. He did ask everyone to be scent free in the email where he invited everyone. But apparently no one listened. Well thats not entirely true, most people use scented laundry and bath products but some are trying like my brother who asked for lotion when he came over so he wouldn't use something that made me sick. But there are a few that came in wearing cologne.
I turned on the ionizing air purifier on the main floor by the top of the stairs. I got the boyfriend to open windows (it's well below freezing) and make me tea and water bottles and i grabbed some stuff for sleeping and ran to the basement. I have a little air purifier running in the room im going to sleep in and have all the doors closed that i can. This is probably the only time I've ever been upset with having an open concept home. The damn cologne is wafting down the stairs (the poker game is in the opposite end of the house from the stairs). I'm shaking so bad and wanting to cry but i don't want to ruin his birthday by "being overly dramatic" and screaming at people like i feel they need to be screamed at. It's so nasty that i have to wear my mask if i leave the room I've locked myself in.
I don't think I'll be able to safely go upstairs tomorrow. I'm going to have to invest in a steam cleaner so that i can try to get it off my chairs, and that'll probably take me months.
I wish rage wasnt my first reaction to chemicals, but it is and that makes it really hard to get my point across in a way that people will listen too.
I actually almost started crying when my dad's girlfriend asked how i was doing, this will be the third time I've ever seen her, i hate crying.
Fuck i hate my life. Why can't i be close to normal?

Dec 30, 2016 11:18 PM

((( gentle hugs ))) I am so sorry sweetie.

Dec 31, 2016 12:29 AM

Oh no I'm soooooo sorry that your dealing with this, I really wish there was something I could do for you 😢

Know that I'm standing next to you so you can lean on me and use my strength and spoons to help you thro the night.
I'm sending you positive vibes and warm healing hugs xx

Dec 31, 2016 1:18 AM

I'm so sorry girl but your boyfriend should have made it very very clear in the invitation! And if someone showed up still wearing cologne he should have explained it nicely but asked them to leave, it may be his b-day but your health doesn't take holidays!

Dec 31, 2016 2:00 AM

Thanks for the support and hugs.
I think if i had been answering the door i could have turned people away. But i was trying to get a playlist set up so there would be background music playing so by the time i noticed that it stank and i was getting sick there were probably 10 additional people in the house and i wasnt going to get close to anyone and risk making myself really sick to try to figure out who it was. Of course the boyfriend couldn't smell anything and was all 'it's just laundry smell' and i had to say that people were wearing cologne for him to move his ass and help me gather things so i could hide in the basement.

Dec 31, 2016 2:03 AM

Yep, you know your focus is completely shot and you aren't doing well when it takes over 4 hours to get this far colouring a picture. There are currently no muscular or structural issues hindering my speed, just the chemicals screwing my brain up.

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