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Close Calls...

Sep 02, 2016 10:15 PM

I was watching, 'Bobs Burger' and I was perplexed by something. Several times the kids get them selves in situations where they may die, but they laugh it off and they're just happy to get away with anything...It made me think why the writers made it that way? Then, I had an epiphany, I flashed back to when I was a kid and 1 thing I miss most, like many others, my innocence and being carefree (definitely not like an adult). Also, as a little kid, you don't really grasp the idea and concept of death or during for Me my reasons. Kids don't understand death because when you're carefree, you aren't worrying about death and your brain hasn't developed so, you can't really grasp the idea about deaths and during. Now, I know that's why I was so shaken up about whole brain tumor experience. At 9 yrs old, for the first time, I had my own personal run in with death. Then, I was left trying to process and deal with the fact I almost died. I actually had a few run ins with death and because my mind was still developing, I felt like death was around the corner waiting for me. To top it all off, I could have died three different times and you know what they say, one, two, three, you're out. So, besides feeling like death was around the corner waiting, I also felt like a cat that's used up all its life and my death was just inevitable. Falling in and out of consciousness, spinal tap, and brain surgery and somehow I came out of every close call unscathed. The reason all those three things went wrong is because one person didn't want to do their job correctly. When I first started with constant headaches and vomiting, my mother took me to my pediatrician, who ordered me an MRI of the head because I was prone to sinusitis, even at that age. I went straight to local hospital to get an MRI and the doctor told me my results were okay besides congested sinuses. The hospital sent me home, and for a week I contuied to constantly vomit, 24/7 headaches and passing in and out of consiousnes. When I finally made it to Connecticut Children's Medical Center (CCMC), they did the spinal tap on me to get an accurate diagnosis and my mom drove home and back to get the MRI films I already had at my local hospital. When, the CCMC doctors looked at it, they were stunned because they're was a grapefruit size mass in the middle of my brain. Turns out at my local hospital, when I was there, it was a shift change and the doctor coming on assumed someone else already looked at my MRI scan, but no one did. This man didn't want to take a few minutes to do what he was suppose to, so that's why I suffered to the point of loosing consciousness for most of the day. Even when I finally got to CCMC, that terrible luck just followed me. My mother told CCMC that I already had an MRI and I just had sinusitis. So, that's why CCMC doctors decided to do a spinal tap and the fact they needed to find an answer quick due to the state I was in. Later on, the neurologist that did my spinal tap told me that if he took just a tiny bit more fluid from my spine, I would of been dead on the spot. My brain tumor was so large, that it was blocking my cerebrospinal fluid and causing severe hyrdrocephalus. So, what that means is if any more fluid was taken, the suction would have pulled the tumor down just a little bit, in turn, blocking off the flow of cerebrospinal fluid in my brain and I would of been dead. The last near death moment I had was of course the surgery. My Neurosurgeon told me my tumor was the size of a grapefruit and on top of that, successful brain surgeries was still a fairly new thing. Thinking back to those times is bittersweet because it does make me happy to know that I survived such close calls, but of course I get sad remebering how scared I was of dieing. But, to all those who ever briefly thought of death and are scares, don't be. When almost a week went by of me constantly puking and suffering from mind numbing headaches in between me passing out, I knew something was wrong and I sincerely thought I was going to die. But, I was suffering so and I was in so much pain., that my emotions shut down and I accepted dieing, I was completely okay with it. But, when I have a clear mind and out of pain, the last thing in the world I want is to die. So I realized, when your time in this earth is up, your emotions completely check out and your mind does prepare itself for the impending end and just accepts it.

Sep 04, 2016 3:09 PM

Raeann, wow, the struggles you've been through! I do believe your insight on how our bodies and minds accept that death is coming is on point. My brother and I recently discussed this very subject. He told me that two years before our grandmother died, they were all during in the den together, except my grandmother. My grandfather asked her why she was always sitting alone in the kitchen, and her response was, "I'm trying to get everyone use to me not being around.". She suffered many of the symptoms i have, but back then not only were diagnoses little known or not even exist, people of their generation didn't see doctors except for life & death emergencies. She died 2 years later from pneumonia, heart, and flu issues. Before she died she awoke from sleep and told me she was going home soon. I asked how she knew and she said feet (dead) brother told her so. I hope you have a blessed day! 🙂💕🙏🌸

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