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Completely broken and defeated

Jan 26, 2017 3:40 AM

I don't know what to do, my back is only getting worse and my child has hit the worst version of the terrible two's.
When i got pregnant i promise you my back was not this bad, it started getting really bad around the time he turned one. He was amazing untill he turned rwo no he runs around screaming, trowing stuff, jumping around on the coffee table and terrorizing the dog.

He doesn't respond to any type of discipline i give him he just laughs and thinks it's all very funny.
He doesnt do anything a say or eat any food i make him, he has gotten very picky.

He needs structured activities and i can't give him that.
Everything is so painful and i don't know what to do.
I don't drive and it is painful to walk far or catch the bus. It is painful to get down on the floor and run around. I don't know what to do, i can't give my son what he needs. I'm a horrible mother and I'm begining to break down.

I can't deal with it anymore, i don't know what to do.

Jan 26, 2017 4:40 AM

Take a deep breath and know that you're not a horrible mother, just the fact that you've posted on here and asking for help just proves you're not.

I can completely understand where you're coming from my son went thro the same thing when he was 2 and a half buy he would also strip naked and would pee on the floor....thank heavens for laminate flooring! He grew out of it when he was about 3 and a half but he still had the food pickiness and still does now he's 14! I'm not sure what to suggest for the food apart from keeping finger food like cucumber and carrot sticks, grapes, satsuma segments ham and things like that?

In regards of doing things with him, could you start doing stuff on a table like colouring, painting (maybe) and playdo....he might not sit down immediately or the first couple of times but if you keep doing it he might join you for a while, he won't have a long attention span so he won't sit for long periods.

Do you have a garden? Maybe letting him run around outside (weather conditions permitting) could help run off his energy.

Also sitting on the sofa or his bedroom and reading books again like the table activities he might not sit down immediately or for long but if you continue to read and then fuss over the pictures he might sit for a while.

With the discipline the only thing you can do is chose the style of discipline you want and stick with it, whether that's choosing the naughty step/chair/cushion and just keep putting him on it everytime he gets of or choosing to completely ignore his bad behaviour and really praising his good behaviour.

Do you have any friends with young children of a similar age? They could come over and help with socialising for your little one plus it would help with someone else there for an hour or so maybe once a week.

I know you've done all this but give him time, it will get better. Each stage is different and he's learning to push your boundaries.

and never forget that.

Sending you extra spoons and warm healing hugs xx

Jan 26, 2017 5:52 AM

Thank you for your comment, i send him to day care twice a week to socialise him with other kids.. i have been trying all the other stuff i guess I'll keep at it like you suggest :) unfortunately he hates toughing playdough and it's been too hot to go outside, unfortunately i have no friends with kids, most of my friends stopped talking to me after i had a kid.. but i will try and get to play groups :)
Thank you for your kind words

Jan 26, 2017 6:22 AM

I'm really sorry that some people are so fickle and stopped talking to you after you had your little one, tbh you don't need people like that in your life.

Each child is different when my son was that age he hated the feel of grass in his hands but had no trouble running around on it bear foot!!!
My daughter hated the feel of mud (thank heavens!!!!) and would scream until it was wiped off her bear skin!

Play groups are a great way to find other people who have kids of a similar age and a great way to socialise with other mums so you may find that you'll make some new friends as well....over here play groups are normally held in church halls or community halls and there's normally a small fee so it can be used for coffee and tea provided. There's lots of toys ranging from little bubba's to school age and parents can either sit around the toys having tea or coffee and talking to other mums or sitting playing with the kids. Each group is run differently tho.

Sorry I forgot for a moment that you're in the hight of summer. Being in the hight of winter here in the south of the UK with the weather changing from -2°C and snowing a couple of weeks ago to 5°C and foggy today!

Jan 26, 2017 8:34 AM

It seems like yesterday my kids were toddlers. My daughter is now 24 and 26. I tell them now thanks for letting me practice on them. After all they were my first, my guinea pigs. And I was their's. My daughter would laugh when I scolded her, or swatted her. Now she tells me she did it because she she was 😳 scared. And so was I. Do you have any mommy friends? Any time babysitters? I would encourage you to to talk to your obgyn. Moms don't always realize that post partum can last for a couple of years. I could also say I experienced the same thing but I did have post partum. Add in the pain you have and I wish I could sit and just cry with you 😢. We could get a 👶 sitter and go out for orange juice and cinnamon toast. I would definitely recommend getting yourself a babysitter. Maybe 1 time a week. You know that worst time of the day when he won't take a np he's 😡 and won't eat what you know he needs. Make someone else do it. ~~ it's ok. Find someone you can trust. . Everything will be fine.

Jan 26, 2017 8:43 AM

Mknight, as Sezzy said, you are not a bad mother. She's given you all the key advice so I won't repeat suggestions.

My oldest was an easy gentle child. She loved being with adults and rarely did anything worthy of a pop on her hand or a spanking. She was very smart, picking up things fast. I had flash cards of words & letters, colors & shapes, & numbers, and she knew them all by age 3. She loved being read to, especially when I used "sock" puppets to act out the story for her. She would sit for a 2 hour movie, which was wonderful when I was pregnant with her sister. We would have tea parties with her, or play "restaurant" with a mixture of healthy snacks and cookies. She loved dolls and cooking in her kitchen. She was an easy child to raise, until she reached her teens. Lol 😉

My youngest was difficult even before she was born. She slept while I was awake, and tossed & turned when I was trying to sleep. I thought I wouldn't survive her terrible twos, from age 1 & 1/2 to age 4! Literally, she'd pitch tantrums so badly that I'd be in tears. And she didn't outgrow her hot-headedness or stubborn streak. She screamed bloody murder at her first bath, the first time she was put in a swing, the first time my sister held her, and any time she didn't get her way. At first I tried coddling her, then mocking her, and finally walking away to ignore her. The last method worked best. Popping her hand or bottom didn't work, she'd either laugh or scream louder. It wasn't until she was grown that I came across an article on Aspergers, that I even considered she might have a reason for her behavior. She can't be overstimulated by sounds like smacking or fingernail filing out tapping, etc. She gets extremely agitated.

As a toddler we realized after fighting her to put socks on, she could not tolerate having the seam of the sock touching the ends of her toes. She required a set bedtime and a 3 hour nap, or no one had any peace. But to get her to nap I had to lay with her and either sing or tell a story until she fell asleep. Most days I napped with her because she'd wear me out. Daycare twice a week was a must, and she went to 3 & 4 yr old Pre-K. She would get into the most hilarious situations, all caught on camera, because of her need to do something different constantly. She cried one Christmas, all day long because Santa brought the wrong doll! I can't help but laugh now at the pictures I took then of her; foot stuck in a cocoa can, pitching tantrums, trying to change her own diaper, hidden under the cabinets (pots & pans on floor), etc. And of course her sister told on her when she got shocked for sticking a bobby-pin in a socket, which I scolded her and told her not to do it again because it was dangerous. She came crying to me a few minutes later because she did it again and the shock knocked her on her butt! Lol She never repeated that again, thank God! Yes, she outgrew most of the tantrums and was actually very easy to deal with in her teens. Unfortunately, she learned how to hide & lie about things, watching her sister get in constant trouble. Lol

You are a good mom. And your son will eventually get better at minding & eating. You will survive it. Your son may need more frequent activity changes. A kids tool set or doctors kit, even a kitchen to become a chef. Legos (the big ones), puzzles, short stories, limited tv & movies (use them to help him fall asleep), piled pillows on the floor with a stool to jump from, a bubble bath (limit those), playing outside in a wading pool or sprinkler, going to a park or having a play date in the neighborhood. Yes, it will take extra effort to keep him occupied, so vary the activities with "active & restful" so you can recoup in between. And don't feel guilty napping when you're son naps. Hugs love & kisses! 🙂💕🙏🌸

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