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Darkness

May 12, 2015 5:17 PM

I feel like I'm circling an abyss. It's a constant battle to stay away from the edge. Does it ever end?

May 12, 2015 6:48 PM

I've always felt like that. I used to love writing and the abyss would always show up. There might be an end, either speeding away in slightly bigger circles, or just taking a leap, and hoping you can make it across the abyss.

May 14, 2015 10:05 PM

Thank you. I'm finding it so hard to explain how I feel, even to my wife. Do I tell her everything or hold stuff back that will scare her to hear?

I just feel so useless

May 15, 2015 12:31 AM

I can relate to not knowing how to explain feelings, and it can be very frustrating.
I would suggest talking to your wife, and try to let it just happen.
That's me, though.

I can't say for sure, but most people I've met have felt useless at some point in their life.
I think it's perfectly normal, but that won't make anything easier.

Best of luck!

May 15, 2015 3:00 AM

Add worthless to that useless and that's generally where I'm at. But I agree with ferretbandit. Explain your feelings as best you can to your wife. Let her know that it's about you, not her, and that you aren't asking her to do anything other then be there for you and support you.

I'm also on Cymbalta & Lorazepam, which helps I guess. I've also gone to (and will be again) therapy. That definitely helps.

May 15, 2015 3:54 AM

We all desire to be understood and not to have people show us sympathy all the time but to empathize with us. Empathy is based on knowledge. I would have to know how you suffer and feel to truly imagine what it is like to walk in your shoes. Because face it. No one truly knows even if we tell them but it is based on this imaginiation of ours that we can put ourselves in someones place and visualize how we would feel if we felt that way or we experienced such things. People can only do this if we talk to them about what it is going on in our lives.

I don't know if you are a religious man and how you view marriage but God said that the man and wife would leave mother and father and become one. She is your partner. The other half of you. You would not want half your body to not work, would you. If we shut down communication on things that we are feeling, we are shutting that person out, when we vowed to share our life with them. We may feel we are protecting them from the darkness. But that protection may make them suspicious about how we feel about them or what is going on with us. They need to be reassured of the love and trust that we have in them. If this partner of yours is a loving person, she will truly want to know how you feel. She would not want you to be someone she doesn't know. That would not make you any different then the neighbors around you. We all have to trust someone. Who better for the job. Our spouse and the ultimate listener, God.

May 15, 2015 7:13 AM

There are some truly amazing people on this forum. I don't post very often but I read a lot and I get inspiration when I do so.

Thank you for taking the time the respond. It helps to know I'm not alone. I read and re read the replies several times through the night.

I think it's time for an open and honest conversation.

Thanks again

May 15, 2015 2:17 PM

I feel the same way...

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