I know what everyone's going to say "you're always denied the first time, just appeal." I was told that the whole time I was filling out all the forms and answering their questions. I tried not get my hopes up, but of course I did bc all I could think was how much easier it would be on my husband and I just to have a couple hundred dollars a month. I thought, with that I could actually do more to take care of myself- eat the expensive healthier foods, maybe get physical therapy. I thought we could use it to help pay off our credit card debt.
The worst thought I have right now is, "what if they're right? What if I'm being a baby and it's not as bad as I think it is?...what if it really is all in my head?" That's what's bringing me to tears. It's basically my word against theirs. They can't see it, or test it, or watch me cry myself through the nights. How could I possibly prove to them that anything is wrong?
This week's been so hard. My husband had to work 52 hrs, I was running back and forth between my mom's (to take care of her during treatment for her cancer) and my house (30 mins away), I had some kind of intestinal problem, I broke out in hives... and now this. I just can't stop crying. My husband is wonderful and keeps reassuring me that I'm not a burden, that he'll take care of me no matter what. I don't feel like I deserve...anything. I just wish I knew how to fix it. Fix me. Fix this system. I don't know. I can barely type through the tears, so, there we are.
I will appeal, I just don't even know if it'll do any good. Night, folks.