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Depressed today - Tomorrow?

Jun 12, 2016 11:35 PM

The pain is all over me.
It's not at a 10 anywhere.
But I feel crazed by it.
I'm just sick and tired of being less than.
Never lived up to anything.
I feel guilty and suicidal without a plan.
Like a waste of a human.
I'm a failure in every way.
Wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.
Sorry for boring you.
I know this is wrong, worrying people.
I should keep my mouth shut.
Good people love me.
I do not deserve love.
Mental health with Medicaid is a waste of time.
Yak yak yak. Nevermind.
I'm not of value and would not be missed.
Should act, not speak.
But oh yeah. I am one thing. I'm a Chicken.
Stupid, brainless, worthless, waste of air.

I hope I'm not depressed again tomorrow.

Jun 12, 2016 11:51 PM

Sorry sort sorry all. I know my problems do not compare to others here. I shall complain no more.

Jun 13, 2016 2:42 AM

Mental health is a very big problem. And the whole point of this community is to find others in similar situations to support you!

Try counselling if you haven't already because it does work. Not only do I suffer physical pain, I suffer mentally and emotionally just like you. I have bipolar and it's mainly been low mood ever since I was diagnosed with lumbar scoliosis a few weeks ago.

Please don't ever feel that feeling depressed and suicidal is any less of an issue that anyone else has got! You are worth something, you are loved, YOUR LIFE MATTERS!!!!

If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone about depression reply to this post and I'll be able to see it!

Keep your head up lovely, the sun will shine again for you soon! ❀️

Jun 13, 2016 7:49 AM

Autoimmunes, I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I've been where you are multiple times. I was so emotionally & psychologically broken at one point that I spent 9 weeks in a psych ward. I got so afraid of even being in public. And that was decades ago. Since my pain began going down the runaway train tracks in 2007, I've struggled through it again twice. But both times I sought counseling. And the latest episode was actually caused by cymbalta, so check your med side effects just in case one might be affected ting your mood.

This community forum is for us to help each other. Don't ever feel like your post, whether of pain, ranting, questions, or depression is a waste of time. No one is a waste of time. Everyone deserves love, care, & respect& help. We are here for you just as for me or anyone else.

You are beautiful but feeling broken. You feel unworthy but you are very worthy. You are not stupid or brainless or chicken. You are just hurting and tired and wanting rest. We were all created for love, out of love, by the greatest love. We love you because you are loveable! You have one of the most gentle & compassionate hearts in the community! You're a blessing to all of us, and your posts have helped many. Let us love & help you. Let your family know how you are feeling. I know they love you.

Let your doc know about this depression because it can be from meds. I'm in counseling and see a psychiatrist now. It's helping me to focus more and try and stay on track instead of feeling overwhelmed and despondent. I'm sending(((hugs))) & praying for strength, uplifted mood, & reduced pain for you! πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Jun 13, 2016 9:50 AM

Mental health, low mood and emotional instability will all be affected by and are hand in hand with chronic pain. Yes your depression will come and go. So speak to someone. A good (self) start would be to do stuff you love and enjoy. Its does help. Good luck

Jun 13, 2016 10:58 AM

Autoimmunes, You problems no matter how big or small are all important, mental health issues are a huge issue if not treated properly. So talk to us we are here.

Jun 13, 2016 12:13 PM

Thank you, all of you. Sometimes the mind is a dangerous place to dwell. Aside from Dx's and Sx's and Rx's, there are people in our lives.

I've been watching as my step-daughter makes a wreck of her life. She has been self-medicating.

Last week she was ejected through front window while DUI, her 5th strike. Her 5yo, whom I helped raise from 0-2, is in foster care.

But, my own DD is with me, has 2 beautiful dd's, a 9yo artist with high functioning aspergers & a 5yo with the sillies. . . . Guess I should count my blessings.

Thank you to all.

Jun 13, 2016 1:22 PM

Everyone matters to someone. Unfortunately with chronic pain it does change our brain. It is very hard to love yourself when you feel betrayed by your own body. Hell some days it is hard to like yourself let alone love yourself. I do understand wanting to run away from myself/yourself and wondering how can anyone love me when I hate myself. Now tough love time...go put on your big girl panties and yank yourself up. Go hug your grandchildren it sounds like they really need you. It is absolutely okay to have a bad day, cry, yell, throw something get it out. Then forgive yourself and try to be kind to yourself. Everyone truly matters.

Jun 13, 2016 1:50 PM

@grogg Going to try taking your advice & do something nice for me... hmmm. IDK

@LMB Yanking myself up by big girl panties... sounds like a recipe for a wedgie. Lovely. Tee-hee.
But really, thank you.

@flappyslady81
You are always so helpful. All of your posts are spot on.

I know, intellectually, that I have gotten through this countless times before. But sheesh! Again?! Still!? Just wanna stay in bed. Sooo tired. & Sooo tired of pain.

Jun 13, 2016 4:45 PM

Autoimmunes, I'm sure we will all have to face those times again. For me it's like taking one step forward and two steps back, ever since 2010. And when they found the Barrett's esophagus, which can turn cancerous, I'm like "something else again?" Like why did I have to have a hiatal hernia, which pushes the acid up my esophagus (GERD), which causes Barrett's, which can become cancer? Did I really need something else to worry with? Didn't I already have enough? Having the surgery to repair the hiatal hernia and hopefully reduce everything else was like being given a breath of fresh air. I'm hoping the surgery was at least five steps forward! πŸ˜‰ You can always count on us to be here for you. Hugs & prayers!πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Jun 13, 2016 5:23 PM

Sometimes a wedgie is not a bad thing. My intention was pure love and compassion. I am glad you could laugh and no hard feelings. PM me if you ever want to talk.

Jun 13, 2016 6:34 PM

Yes! I love to laugh. Thanks againπŸ˜€

Jun 13, 2016 7:14 PM

I sent you a message. I see that you already figured out how to message. Talk to you soon. :)

Jun 13, 2016 8:05 PM

Oh, ummm. Thought I just hit reply. Okay then.

Jun 13, 2016 8:47 PM

If you click on a person's screen name it will take you to their profileand there you can send a private message. You will see a blue box that says send private message. The other way is on your home screen for the app there are three lines in the very top left corner. Press the lines that takes you to the home page. There you will see a list of options: home, pain diary, chart, similar patients, discussion, private messages, profile ect...

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