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Depression monster :/

Oct 16, 2016 12:18 PM

My depressions outta hand I hate it, I been off my med going on two months now another week to live with nothing, today just bad.... I was soooo tired today I slept on off til 12 .. I'd wake up wander around potty lay down zzzzz wake up kept doing this.. At 12 I realized Tree was gone so that made me more upset, I layer here I just started crying... One those idk why I gave no purpose too but can't stop either... Tree messaged me if I wanted subway NO NO I DONT... When he walked in said hello aren't u hungry I said yea but I had subway last night, I'm a picky eater not much at subway entises me if I'm have a sub it be from PUBLIX where everything's fresh u pay about same price... At this point he says what about mcds I now know he's just trying to get me to eat so I cave for him now I am laying here again just crying WTF :/ .... I hate myself some times if I don't understand how can anybody else????

Oct 16, 2016 2:06 PM

Sometimes I think we are our own worse critics. (((((gentle hugs)))))
Who can possibly understand what it's like to live in constant pain. Just when I think I finally understand it all changes. If our doctors can't understand then how can we? How can anyone?

Its hard. Some days we just have to say the he'll with it and hibernate. And you know - That's OK.

Am so sorry it's been rough hun. Do you have things you can do that help? Over the counter medications that might take the edge off. I once had a friend who took St. John's Wort for her depression. Not sure if something like that is an option.

Am always telling myself to Just Breathe.. And some how I do.

Oct 16, 2016 6:10 PM

Thank Mimikay ur so kind ur words r truly a blessing... Ur like that soothing voice u never see but u know it's there cuz u hear it lol... My backs off the charts right now sooooo bad trying sooth it nothing's working... Gonna be a awfully long nite hugss

Oct 16, 2016 6:28 PM

(((( gentle hugs )))) hoping for a better tomorrow.

Oct 18, 2016 1:01 PM

Hi ... And ahhhhh to how you are feeling. I just started 5htp and with the exception of today I have felt a bit better and haven't be so quick to tear up... I am going to up my dose to 100 mg pre menstral and see if that helps... Hang in there and I'm glad you shared.

Oct 18, 2016 1:11 PM

MizzMonroe, how are you feeling today? I have found that before I had pain and my body began to fail me, I had anxiety and depression. Since having all of these issues and this high level of ongoing pain, my anxiety and depression have gotten worse. Some days are easier to cope with than others. Sometimes I can break down and sob just because I want to hear someone's voice and can't and I'll sob for an hour. It doesn't go away but I have tell you that you've come to the right place and that there are several people right here who are always willing to help you. Hang in there, you got this!! {{{Hugs}}}

Oct 18, 2016 3:45 PM

@foggurl hugz ur face I just can't even begin sorry u feel this way I hate being in pain all time I honestly just wish I could have a magic wand to help people with :/ ... Thank u for ur kindness

Oct 18, 2016 3:52 PM

Lol I want a majic wand too! I get whiplash from all my waving it about ... Thanks for making me chuckle with the wand visual.

Oct 18, 2016 3:59 PM

@alwayzinpain I had little down there... I had no option Monday n today but to pull my shit up by the bootstraps cuz where I thought my appts were next week oooops I put them down wrong, so I had intake for mental health Monday and also had blood drawn for doc check my thyroid n few others things... Tues today lol had my first meet with the sphycologist.... And I was soooo stressed n nervous cuz the convo I had on phone with the lady said GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD ABOUT GETTING KOLONAPIN CUZ HER DOC WONT DO IT HE JUST WONT PRESCRIBE IT... I said but I tried like 6 other meds non worked see I'm old fashion if it ain't broke don't fix it right lol??? Any ways the doc was really nice and for first time I felt HEARD, LISTENED TO AND SLIGHTLY UNDERSTOOD and guess what after our Convo and details that Doc prescribed me kolonapin low dose but hmmmm yup thank u... " UR DOC U KNOW SO WELL DID JUST WHAT U SAID HE WOULDNT LOL ". I HATE ARROGANT PEOPLE!!!! I'm blessed and thank God for this miracle really cuz my shits outta control... He also put me back on my citalopram... And my other doc upped my thyroid meds cuz I was apparently low... So this is big start for me... I also talked to my case worker whom sulkomly but knowing I was going this route but he did not know I was this bad, said from just the report that the physical test guy gave me I NEED SSA and that report alone should seal it that's not including mental health and gastro reports so breathing slightly looser knowing soon things should be in order I be able go doc I need to be on my meds not worry if I can get them and things be little smoother.... So thank u for ur support it means so much... Just to have a place to piss n moan is amazing lol... No one wants hear it non stop Tree gets sick of it but when he's over it he says IS THERE A BRIGHT SIDE???? that's how I know he's had it and I need to reevaluate my box.... Hugz to u

Oct 18, 2016 4:01 PM

@foggurl yessssss any time I'm a visual person as well people say shit I'm laughing but I see these comical things going on in my head lmao I'm a acid baby my minds more Sparkly then most haaaaa.... But yes ur welcome I think as we are all special people we all deserve magic wands to help others I think in our position it's only fair <3

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