I know this is off topic but I have no where else. I’ve been married for 10 years. And 5 were wonderful. The other five well not so much. I get nothing... I’m not a selfish person but I need something. It’s all about him... every time. Plus he rarely helps me out. I do most if not all the cooking and cleaning. And I work full time at a very physical job. I take my kids with me to work. I need out. I deserve to have intimacy and help.
For example I have been sick for three days. Vomiting, Diarrhea, skin is burning but yet I get chills. He went out with his friends. I went to work, took the kids with me. And was with them all day. He gets home. Climbs into my bed. I said I want the bed I was laying down and so long story short I’m on the couch. Which is normal we don’t sleep together for years. I told him how sick I still am and he replies with... man my back hurts. It’s so burnt.
I’m newly divorced, I’ve been married for 14 years. The last 6 years of my marriage there was no intimacy what so ever. Not to mention the kidney he donated to me failed so I was back on dialysis with a whole new set of meds that differ from anti rejection meds. I went from comfortable in my skin to I didn’t even recognize myself or my husband. We argued a lot, the more we argued the more we talked about separation. The more we argued about the separation the more we argued about divorce. Then I received pics that confirmed him cheating. I never got a goodbye or an explanation, however we did go to counseling in which I believe in his one on one with the counselor he was indeed cheating. Between the loneliness in the marriage and the divorce I’m still not sure what hurts more. Might I add he married “her”. When I took my vows and said for better or worse I didn’t know that better could become great or that the worse could be horrific. Not only that every time I went to the doctor I was being diagnosed with something else which came with new meds but I was and am never pain free. Divorce sounds like an easy out but the emotional pain that comes with it can be unbearable. Be selfish indeed but more importantly be selfish with a support system for you and your babies. You need it now but if you take that route you really going to need it.
Tonight I tried to be intimate with him. And I thought he looked really good. And so I told him so. I kissed him and asked him what he was doing tonight... in a sexual way. And his response was... play video games. And here he is playing. And the kicker is ... he’s playing alone... not with his friends online.
Focus on yourself and make tour life the best it can be WITHOUT worrying about him and what he’s doing. It may sound hard but it’s SO doable. Once you’ve got your life where you want it to be, then you can think about whether divorce is the way to go. Find the positive people and things in your life. Start a gratitude journal. Go for counseling by yourself. Do whatever you need to do to take the best possible care of yourself! I’ve been there and know how destructive it is to focus on him and what you’re not getting. It’s not only depressing but soul destroying at times. Focus all your energy on you first, then the kids! The better you take care of yourself, the better you’ll be able to care for your kids. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from others.😉
He doesn’t seem to be invested in anyone but himself. The time you invest into him invest it into you. I never thought I would be an ex-wife I always thought I’d be a widow. Being an ex-wife gave me peace of mind. I’d be the first to admit it mourning the death of my marriage is equivalent to becoming a widow, the hardest part is choosing which pain would rather go through.