Every day I wonder if it's worth living. Well I had a goal once upon a time. As mentioned in my previous post, I used to work out. At the age of 38 I had a goal, to meet my hero Arnold Schwarzenegger as an amateur body builder in Melbourne, Australia on my 40th birthday. And I was well on my way to being fit enough to attend. Unfortunately the pain got in the way. I can't forsee me living the rest of my life like this, and fantasise about the day I wake up healthy and able to workout again. I miss my old self. I miss loving this body I'm in. I'm so lost and angry. Does anyone have goals that keep them going?
My goals have had to change drastically. They are smaller now and I am kinder to myself if I am unable to achieve them. I have gone through a grieving process for who I was and what I used to be able to do. It's hard to accept, but I try to make the best of what I can do and enjoy.
I had a goal to become an advanced care pediatric flight paramedic throughout high school, and I even matched my high school courses up with that goal. I was diagnosed at 18 with a herniated thoracic disc, thoracic spinal stenosis, and degenerative disc disease. I knew immediately that it was impossible for me to become a paramedic because my neurosurgeon said that if I injured my spine again, even once, I could become paralyzed from the chest down.
Now my goals are: 1. Continue trying to get a diagnosis for my chronic joint pain. 2. Find a career that won't aggravate my conditions. 3. Eventually, I would like to have children. (Sadly I have been told by my medical team, that I will likely be unable to carry a pregnancy to term due to my 4 spine problems.)
I am just sick of living like this! I can’t take it anymore. The constant crying due to this agonizing pain. What is worse, I have zero support from my family. They keep telling me, “You need to do your part”. No empathy or any type of support is what I get from my family. I am just so sick of hearing that it is all in my head and that I “have”myself Fibromyalgia because of what I eat and lack of consistent exercise. Of course, my so call “friends” ran as soon as they saw I was no longer normal.
suicidal thoughts have gone from a state of distress and a feeling of failure to jus a normal nearly everyday mood. i look forward to what goid things may come that otherwise i may miss out on if i made a irreversable decision like suicide. alot changes in our lives living wit chronic pain. somehow we jus have to take it to tha next level an except that this is what life has handed us. we are not alone thow. pucture the folks with terminal cancer or children dieing of cancer. i realize either with our chronic pain or cancer its a life long sentence. some in passing away an some wit letting our lives go to suicide. sept yu have a choice in tha matter. its yu that will take yur disorder from chronic an manageable to deadly . think bout it. we all have had goals an dreams. an sone of us loose husbands an wives over chronic pain cause they choose to disconnect from us an not try to understand. when yu feel like all is over an yur in that rut. remember we have ourselves an our inner stregth. dont give up jus cause there has been a change in yur life. LIFE IS CHANGE. an disease -disorders-terminal illness’s- heart an lung diseases an so much more is gonna plauge us as all as human biens. think bout the message we would all send to the new generation of the world if we all jus gave up an killed ourselves!!!!!...i know all of us sufferers of chronic pain think bout it yes an thats a terrible thing. think bout this yu were once strong nuff to go after yur goals an dreams..obviously yu got a strong will. DONT LET THAT GO!🙏
lesNpain... if yur family gonna turn thier backs on yu then how do they deserve to b called family? an yur friends that ran! haha. karma will catch up to thier ass’s. an they will ALL need someone! but karma is a bitch aint it!!! dayumit.. pick yur head up! yur letting them control yur mind!!! its yur mind! what comes roun goes roun! take this how yu want! but tighten up..yu are what yu eat an yu are what YU ALLOW others to make of yu! i know it SUCKS i dont have a good support system either! but dayumit i still have my pride an i have ME. an anyone who wants to dismiss me. well good riddens!!! i can turn my back to! fuck mind control. fuck those who are obviously SELFISH. danggit get mad. set um straight! take it back! yur body maybe weak but yur mind an bieng is in tact! if yu let it. this is constructive critisism! good god i know its hard. some yall jus need get pissed at fire back on whos fireing on yu!!!! ok. 🌪🌪💥💨💨💪💪.
P.S. our goals changed yes . make NEW goals. nothin in life is promised yall. not even health. an life aint comprised of promises. its comprised of change and cirrcumstances. an our weapon? ( attitude ). its not situations that make us its how we choose to approach it. love yu all. hugs an thoughts. an know yur not alone. we all have had to give up somethin. but that opens tha road to somethin new. 👍
I used to excersise to get out my anger and anxiety... Then I get chronic pain when I was 16. My goals have had to change since the chronic pain. My first goal was to get a diagnosis, I finally got one in November and its fibromyalgia. My 2nd goal is to figure out a plan and use it. This ones a little more abstract and might not really have an end. I'm constantly adapting my plan. My third goal is to be proud of myself. This is a daily goal. It's so easy to get down on ourself because we feel like we can't do anything anymore. I try to remind myself what I have done and how strong I am compared to the people who try to put me down and tell me it's all in my head. We don't give ourselves enough credit for just the daily or weekly stuff we do. Give yourself credit for going to the grocery store, or the dr, or doing a load of laundry. Because with chronic pain that's hard to do. Be proud of how strong you are!! And I had one more goal but fibro fog pushed it out if my brain while I was writing this lol! Maybe I'll think of it later
When I was in 4 th grade I made a sign that said I was going to become a nurse.... I got married at 20 and divorced from a man that was mentally abusive and unfaithful at 23. Crushed I had to pick myself back up and look at my dreams. Was on welfare with my young son from my previous marriage. Fought my way back from my abusive past and went to nursing school at age of 24. Was a nurse for a while then in my early 30’s lost my identical twin sister in an unexpected accident. Totally destroyed it took me 7 years of deep depression and several attempts with my life before I was able only because of ECT treatments and much therapy to want to live again. I worked for a couple of years and suffered an accident that nearly killed me but left me with many problems with my spine etc. nursing was over. A bitter pill to swallow but I fought back and went back to school and got a degree in psychology. 3 years latter was forced to retire early due to Parkinsonism and my health. ( age 50) . I’m now 64 years old and have witnessed and endured much ( more than written). All I can say after all I’ve endured I My life. .. life is worthwhile living!!! You must count your blessings no matter how small they may seem. Being thankful for those precious moments no matter how far between. I always reminded myself that there is ALWAYS someone worse off than me.Life is worth fighting for!🤗❤️🌹
Sorry it was so long. What I’m trying to say that along our life’s journey our goals in life will change . Our life experiences both negative or positive may change them. Don’t give up there may be something ahead that will bring you joy once again in your life. 🐛—🦋 we all change