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Does Anyone Else Get Angry Quickly?

Jan 04, 2016 1:48 PM

I'm so frustrated! So my bf's brother and his gf live with us. They know the medical issues that I'm dealing with and I've asked for help around the house before. I've even left a few days because I was so angry. But do they help at all? Nope! They'll leave their dishes. They NEVER help throw out the trash, sweep, mop, scrub the tub or clean the bathroom. And I'm not exaggerating. They just had a baby so now my bf won't ask them to leave. I asked if they could pitch in to hire someone to help me clean the house. They said they would but never did. I have an almost 2 year old son so I don't feel like I have a choice. A clean house is a must for my son, so I kill myself to give him that. I guess what's the most frustrating is that I don't even get a thank you from them, ever. They bathe in the tub that I break my hip and back over, they bathe their baby in that tub. They cook and eat in the kitchen that I clean everyday. And not once have I even received a thank you! Knowing that I'm in pain, hearing and seeing me cry. I'm so angry and fed up! I want them out of this house! I'm trying not to flip out and let my bf handle it but I feel like they don't take him seriously. Today I'm hurting so bad so maybe it's not the best time to talk to them...I'm just really ticked off!!!

Jan 04, 2016 2:16 PM

Slowmo
I don't thing your getting angry quickly I just think your feed up. Your in pain and should have the help around. I have a similar situation, but its my son and his gf. I tell them over and over again to help out. I think they think that we are over exaggerating the pain. Only if they knew. Just go ahead and talk to them again. This time give them a deadline. Its only gonna get worse because your still doing all the work. Good luck and best wishes..

Jan 04, 2016 3:22 PM

I don't want to be presumptuous but if the house belong to u and or ur bf and they don't pay rent or even if they do if its ur house and ur bf won't step up then u have every Right. Now this may cause an up raor in ur house which means more stress but if ur bf sees the issue and is allowing it then he is part of the problem. I would speak to them try writing something down or have a recorder going to things on record. Of they won't comply then they got to go. I'm speaking harshly and to the point. Knowing these situations r never easy. So u have to take stock and know if u can physically handle the fallout that may come. If u step up it will force your bfs hand he will have to say something. Also maybe another way to go is take your son and just move out on ur own. Whatever will give u peace and make your life better. U have enough to handle being a mother and in constant pain . hope it all works out for ur good

Jan 04, 2016 4:21 PM

I agree with newfibrogirl. Before I made a huge step you need to have it out with your bf so you and him are together on this. I would call a house meeting and state facts not emmotions. Like 1. Everyone here needs to take some responsibility assign duties and frequency. 2. If they are not paying rent thier duties should be more than yours and finally 3. You can always make rules they dont want to live with and let them know if they are not happy they can move. Then it is thier choice and they did not want to comply ( ;

Jan 04, 2016 5:29 PM

You guys are much nicer then me. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. My nephew, on husbands side, came by here with his gf and thought they were going to stay. My sister in law ended up picking them up at 11:30pm. They were disgusting, leaving their trash laying around, making a mess in my kitchen. I got on both their asses. It's bad enough I have to clean up after my husband and our boys, I'm not doing it for another adult. I even made him sweep my floor when he wore his boots in my house.

Good luck to you.

Jan 04, 2016 5:53 PM

Rockysbady..u should like my sister she just took my nephew back to his dad house after only three days.. Kep in mind my nephew is now 25 so she kicked him out about three years ago when he did not want to go to school and be was just laying around and leaving her house open and coming and going at all hours.. Lol..

Jan 04, 2016 6:30 PM

I agree with everyone else, but it's easier said than done sometimes. I think we all get angry quicker when in pain. It's hard not to, but you need to put your foot down now before it gets worse. Start with bf, and if he's not willing to help you with this. ..I'd think twice about him. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Jan 04, 2016 6:36 PM

Yes! I think because we are in chronic pain our fuse is so short. I have the worst temper when I'm in pain, worst part of it is when I'm hurting I justify why I'm angry. It's miserable.

Jan 05, 2016 1:27 AM

Thank you all for your responses. I guess that's one of my hugest issues...that they are "adults"(I say that loosely) I understand everyone's upbringing is different but my bf and his brother are like night and day. I was brought up to pick up after myself. My bf and his brother are 5 yrs apart so I guess my bf has always cleaned up after him. This had been an issue before and my bf is always so supportive. On my bad days, he picks up my slack after he gets off of working a full shift, he'll cook and tend to our son. He'll care for me also, massaging me, or making sure I'm comfortable. So it really kills me that he also has to take out the trash and wash his brother's dishes, or do whatever else hasn't been done by two very capable "adults" The brother is 23 and the gf is 21. They're both in the Army Reserves and I'm dumbfounded. I always thought the Army was supposed to teach responsibility and honor...I really don't see it in them. I told my bf today that somethings got to give cause I'm about to get ugly...and I really don't want to go there. I had to bite my tongue today. The pain was so bad that it took everything inside me to not blow up on any of them today. Tonight, I just cried in my bf's arms and told him how I really felt. I told him I was tired and at the end of my rope. He said he will talk with them this week. We'll see what happens...

Jan 05, 2016 8:00 AM

I been there and if your husband doent help you clean? He would clean all his brothers things. Dont get mad that just hurts you. Just document everyday what you do and take pics. Then have a all in home meeting dont ask just tell them all at once which chores out of this daily list they need to help you with? If not i personal would get lawyer and leave untill my husband put back on his pants and told his brother to leave and get a date confirmed. This is just what i would do. Im 58 in and i want put up with anything . Really not joking life is sort.

Jan 05, 2016 5:26 PM

Slowmo, adults in need of living assistance does not give them the right to completely live under your roof chore free, expense free, & food free. Trust me when I say it's very hard to stand your ground with blood kin. Both our daughters took advantage of living in our home too long (23 & 25), with no rent or expenses. They wouldn't help with chores or anything. Then started staying out late, coming home noisily, or not at all, with no idea of where they were or who they were with. They're 4 years apart so it wasn't at the same time, but I told my hubby, "if he wasn't standing with me, then was against me, and either them, or he & them, or I would have have to go.

I was not working full time, cleaning house, laundry, and furnishing all food, for them to treat us like maids or servants, and the bank when they were broke because they were irresponsible with their incomes.". Needless to say we cut the the apron strings on both, gave them a deadline, and we have never been happier... As we watched them both grow up and mature into responsible adults. They have their own families.

The age number does not mean they're mature... Sometimes they must find out the hard way. Your bf isn't helping his brother; he's enabling them both. Ask him if he wants his brother to always be waiting for him to pick up behind him. It is time for baby bro to grow up and become a man. (((Hugs))) & prayers of support... Been there! 😷🙏🌼

Jan 05, 2016 5:29 PM

Flappys you gonna have me.get a church fan out..girl you betta preach...lol 👏

Jan 05, 2016 9:25 PM

Slowmo, I really feel for you. I truly do. I do not think that you get angry quick. The problem is, your anger isn't productive. A lot of us have been taught that anger is bad but that is not true or all of us wouldn't have it. Truly nice people get angry at injustice. Living with another family with a different set of standards is hard.

What I have been hearing you say is all about you getting angry but what do you do? You continue to pursue the course that is making you mad. You put it in you boyfriends hand out of respect. But the truth of the matter is that isn't cutting it. I am sure you boyfriend loves you but he obviously can not appreciate just how bad this is making you feel. You obviously have been wanting to say something. If I were in your place, I would imagine that I would be like a volcano with the pressure building and the top getting ready to blow.

You probably wonder how you can handle this. How can you do this without making this hard on your boyfriend and blowing up at his brother and his girlfriend. When I come into situations like this, I would ask myself how would I treat my kids if they were doing this to me. Picture your child. Then imagine them being immature and in need of guidance. You would set them down and tell them about your pain. That is important. Because empathy is an imagination of what someone else is going through. Try to describe to them what you are going through. Explain that you don't want there pity but you Can't take on the extra work that they brought because of what you go through. Explain to them that maybe it would be good to have different nights to wash dishes, assign certain days to wash their own clothes. Make them understand that if they appreciate the help you are doing for them by letting them stay there, Then they would make every effort to make it easier on her so she will hurt less and could care for your child.

Talk to them like you would your child when you want to teach them something. Be calm and patient. It will come across as loving. Trust me, they know you are mad at them. By now, they have seen the looks you have made. You may have asked to talk to you boyfriend privately. I say that because my sisters law does that with me no matter how much I try cleaning her place. I clean it from top to bottom when I was able to, not now. I am just saying they know. But they were getting away with what you would let them get away with without saying something. It is like being in school and the kids testing the new teacher with what they could get away with till they figure out their breaking point. Then they stop there. Unless you say something, they won't know your past your breaking point.

That was my speech. I just thought I would say something. I hope it works out well

Jan 06, 2016 10:30 AM

Great way of approaching this Profiler! My way was after I left things go too far. Lol But at least my kids learned responsibility. 😷🙏🌼

Jan 06, 2016 3:34 PM

You deserve better than what you are getting and must advocate for yourself and son. Notice I left your bf out because he is well capable of advocating on his own behalf. This isn't an issue of your pain, either, even though the situation is exacerbated because of your health. It's called a total lack of respect. For example, I'm 67 and can't clean my tiny apartment because of health. Our local senior services recently began providing 1-1/2 hrs. twice a month of cleaning services. This is 3rd time apt was "cleaned" and only time I could finally go and see what she did or didn't do hours after she left. I was absolutely appalled!!!! Got my camera that dates and times the photos. Will submit them to the agency with the admonition to never send this person back to me again. If they can't do better than her, then I'll just live with what I can personally do. I strongly feel that many of us let others slide by until someone like her feels that she can disrespect everyone's home she enters. Taxes pay her wages. Am I clear enough? Too many of us are too kind or make excuses for others. STOP. It only creates situations like you are going through and people like the one who came to my house. What I'm about to say is very strong but comes from my compassion for you. You, too, are enabling this couple. If it were me, bf and I would discuss the matter immediately. We would then approach his bro with a specific ultimatum and follow through with it. If bf doesn't agree to this, I'd seriously put his response into perspective. I'd also leave, this time for at least several weeks until bf couldn't tolerate it anymore or take some other type of proactive initiative. We must be proactive instead of being reactive so that we don't suffer needlessly.

I'm not saying what you should do with your relationship. That is totally your decision and it's not my place. Just saying that perhaps he doesn't fully understand the additional pain that's caused when he allows little brother to be irresponsible.

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