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Don't COMPARE ME TO SOMEONE ELSE! (FIBRO)

Aug 18, 2017 7:58 PM

My husband ran into a friend yesterday. While they were catching up my husband found out that his friends wife has fibromyalgia. His friend stated that she rarely has pain. He said, she was able to do things like before she was diagnosed. My husband came home explaining how his friends wife has fibromyalgia and it doesn't severely effect her........ 😑 Well great for her but my pain is excruciating. I was tremendously furious. I felt like he was implying that I'm exaggerating my pain levels from day to day. I want to know what she's on... because my pain is quite REAL! 😣

Aug 18, 2017 8:06 PM

Oh it's so annoying when people do that! I just try to explain that this illness comes in many different forms and how some people have it much more severely than others! Ugh it's so annoying! Sending my love πŸ’•

Aug 18, 2017 8:42 PM

It is annoying. Husbands just want us to be our old pain free selves and it becomes impossible for them to comprehend the different levels and types of pain. His friends wife may be fine now but it could hit her very soon in the future. No one knows how anyone's body will ever be affected by pain nor when.

Aug 18, 2017 8:45 PM

As LittleLola said this comes in many different forms and maybe she's in "remission" at the moment or her fatigue is worse?
I have to say my symptoms for fibro snuck up on me subtly, I knew they were slowly getting worse but my trigeminal neuralgia was my biggest and hardest to control pain at that time but now the pain is the 2, they tag team me then piggyback off each other!!!!

What is probably the best idea is to sit down with your husband and explain that you don't know why she doesn't have much pain at the moment but your pain is very reall and very painfull so until he speaks with this friend again to find out exactly what she takes and what she's doing to leave her soo pain free.

Sending you positive vibes and warm healing hugs xx

Aug 18, 2017 10:06 PM

He needs to understand that fibromyalgia has a whole spectrum of levels. Not only levels of pain, but even symptoms can vary from a few to everything. I've known ppl with fibro who can work and travel and more power to them, I sure wish I could. On the other side, I know a woman with fibro who is wheelchair and house bound. She can barely leave her bed and relies on home health nurses a LOT. It's not a well documented or well understood illness. There ARE no comparisons between individuals unless it's just to see how diverse we can be. I, personally, am not quite as bad as my wheelchair bound friend, but I'm in constant excruciating pain. I can't work, I rarely drive and am dependent on opioids just to function the little that I do. Mine happened slowly then fast. I had mild symptoms for years, then one day I fell in the snow. Not hard, just barely bruised my butt. However, the next day I could barely move. I guessed I'd pulled a muscle (or every muscle it felt like lol). But it didn't get better. I started missing work. A LOT of work. I got FMLA and then when my vacation came in, I burned through all of that too. Finally head to face the doctor. When he diagnosed me I started crying and didn't think I'd ever stop. My mom has has fibro for fifteen years. I have seen the hell and has had to go through. I felt like my life was over. I lost my amazing job, every injury I've ever had (and some that I think my body made up all on its sadistic own) has come back to haunt me times ten. I suddenly have arthritis, ruptured lumbar disks (3 of them), and severe skin and muscle soreness that makes wearing most materials an exercise in self flagellation type torment. Depression, anxiety, rotator cuffs, carpal tunnel, the joy of IBS, all of the things and every now and then that voiceover pops up and says, "but wait! There's more!" That's just one of the many fibro stories. Show them to him so that he understands that this is not an easily defined, shove it in a pigeonhole, type of illness. Never compare. There are those better off, sure, but there are also so many who have it worse. We can only live up to our own normals. Anyone else's normal isn't.

Aug 18, 2017 10:12 PM

Hey @MochaBarbee. I hear ya. Nothing is worse then our hubbies making others seem better then we are. Your pain is real and everyone has there own pain level.
Like you said if she can deal than great for her but your pain is real and she needs to share whatever she's on lol. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—
Hang in there. Pm if you need to talk .

Aug 19, 2017 12:31 AM

PhoenixRising, thank you for telling me how you are effected. I appreciate it.

Aug 19, 2017 12:38 AM

LittleLola it was very annoying! I start to stream at him. I told him don't compare me with others. I ask, how do he even know she was actually diagnosed with it. However, if she does I find it hard to believe she doesn't have any symptoms. If your fine the why did you go to the doctor in order to be diagnosed. You had to have some symptoms

Aug 19, 2017 12:50 AM

Maybe she has it very very mildly? I bet you were so frustrated!

Aug 19, 2017 5:21 AM

Yezzzzzz! LittleLola.... I don't want to be in pain and want to go back to being normal. I think I would more then anyone! 😢

Aug 19, 2017 6:12 AM

MochaBarbee unfortunately even those closest to us don't always understand and when they're out and say to people that you have fibromyalgia someone will say how they know someone who is either better than you with less pain or they know someone who is much worse off than you. They may suggest some wonder drug or natural cure that someone they've heard of try and now they have no symptoms now.

It's soo hard and varied from person to person and what works for one person can make someone else worse. To be totally honest it's a damn minefield with everyone being an "expert" and comparing us to each other which is completely unfair and mostly soo annoying!!!

Aug 19, 2017 8:21 AM

Everyone is different. There is no comparison. Maybe her fibro is mild or she found a cure. Or maybe she’s not being honest about it. Were they trying to empathize with you? I notice if I tell someone about my illness, they don’t know how to respond so they say they know someone with similar problems. I just don’t tell people I’m sick. Really just my immediate family, doctors and dentist know. I have only told one friend. Everyone else thinks I’m flaky or antisocial. Frankly, I don’t care. I’m not letting other people’s opinions upset or stress me out.

Just know you’re doing the best you can and your illness is unique to you. πŸ€—

Aug 19, 2017 10:26 AM

@Sezzy. Very good point 😊😊 my whole life I heard that someone is hurting more then I am . And how there life is worse. So unfortunately I believed that my life didn't matter. . So now when my hubby compares me the others it hurts a lot.

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Aug 19, 2017 10:31 AM

@LAT Thank you for that great in site. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€— I don't personal tell many people myself because I lost a lot of "friends " that way but anymore I keep to myself anyways so that way I know I am in my safe zone .😊😊 If that makes sense πŸ€”

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