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Don't Show Your Pain

Aug 12, 2015 2:32 AM

All of us want to have empathy and to be understood. I have read that in many a post. Many people who are in pain or not well have worked hard to hide their pain both physically by not saying ows or showing expressions of pain, allowing people to see them cry in pain. or mentally by knowing they depression and isolation, and anxiety that sufferers feel. We are those persons. Do you hide your pain? Why? Do You think you Should, Why? Do you think you shouldn't, Why? I think if we wnat empathy others need to know what is going on with us, how we feel physically and mentally,. But I am curious as to others feelings on this subject.

Aug 12, 2015 2:36 AM

correction: mentally by showing their depression and isolation, and anxiety that they feel.

Aug 12, 2015 7:38 AM

We are raised to be strong not to cry when we hurt our self to show others we are strong and can take care of our self. Pain is weakness (not saying that anyone who has pain is weak) through out history the weak are vulnerable and targeted for being a easy pray. The weak get tossed aside since we cant pull our own weight or even support our self. And thats the hardest thing for someone to acept. They are no longer equal in our life, that we cant contribute like we once did we are no longer the same people we were before the pain. Pain ravages your body, mind, and will take what sense of controll we have away. And there's no fighting it. Chronic pain fatigue and all the crap that comes with it sucks. Personally i dont want to share the horrors about how i hate that i wake up every day because it will be another day of being in so much pain it makes me nauseous all day and get so bad that i throw up multiple times. Then i can't eat ,talk, sit, walk, stand, or any number of things without wanting to just die from the untollerable pain that never ends or stops. It might be us lieing to ourselves so we can get through another day. And the last thing any of us want to hear from others is that (they know how we feal. Becouse they might have smashed a finger i a drawer once. Since that's so simmular to the chronic pain that we feal. (I really want to ask those people if there stupid or just insensitive. No they dont have a clue. And to explain my story over and over is depressing. I dont want to relive it over and over, because thats what happens. Yes pain sucks and i dont need to share with those who dont understand it. Sorry ranting a bit.

Aug 12, 2015 8:43 AM

Good Morning Profiler,
Interesting that you should write this post this morning. My anxiety level is worse instead of better. I've tried rationalizing, praying, crying, all to no avail. I've gone away on many trips and nothing earth shattering has gone wrong. Sure, I'm always in more pain from having to skip meds to drive or co-pilot and it takes days to recover when I get back but this anxiety is beyond my tolerance. I try not to show my pain or anxiety and depression because I was raised to be strong and I am by nature a care giver. I'd rather take care of others than be a burden to someone. It's not often I even vent here because so many of you suffer more than I do and I almost feel like I don't have a right to complain. Besides, if someone is in a good mood, I don't want to bring them down. Anyone who really knows me knows when I've had enough and can't take any more. They know when I need to be loved on and when I need to be let alone. Sometimes when I feel like this I need company and my family tried to help but not being in my position, it's hard for them to comprehend. I mean, it's hard for my folks to see me suffer and I don't want to make them suffer. So, I tend to isolate and then I get overwhelmed and I just fall apart eventually. I've gotten only between 1-2 hours of sleep a night since Friday and I'm just physically and mentally done. My best friend is counting on this trip. She lost her cousin and her sister both last month within 2 weeks of each other and I can't disappoint her. Pretty much at the end of my rope here. Hope everyone else is having a peaceful and low pain day.

Aug 12, 2015 1:07 PM

Profiler, I think I try not to unless I'm having a really bad day or unless it's going to interfere with plans. I think it's because they really don't understand what a day in my life can be like, even if they lived with me, simply because they aren't going through it. My dad on the other hand knows chronic pain. I try to keep from telling him unless I have to (I.e. plans), because I can see it upsets him.

Unrealistically many family members & friends think when I go to Mayo I'm going to be "all better," because my dad had his main 2 problems completely fixed (they're gone). Healthier people can't comprehend my having multiple problems, like the sjogrens, fibro, & hypothyroidism and others, because no one can see them. They see me struggle with imbalance & dizziness, and they see my tremors. My hubby is the only one who does see and understand, most of the time anyway. He says he can see it in my face or hear it in my voice.

Chronic pain is our life. We can't run and hide from it. We can't defeat it. But we can learn to live as balanced a life as possible, if we accept it is always going to be around. We just have to enjoy the good times and rest in the bad. Hope you have a wonderful day! And I'm sure your family knows what a blessing you are. 🙏🌼

Aug 12, 2015 5:20 PM

It's a sad fact of life that we all hide how we feel either to protect loved ones (so they don't worry) or protect ourselves (from those that see disability as weakness or to hold on to that job a little longer). Sadly, I can't do that now. Because my walking has been 'attacked' by the fibro I have to use crutches a lot of the time. So that makes it visible.
Last time I was at the GP a lady asked if I'd had surgery. Because of the crutches. I'm not especially old at 41 so it's usually explained (in their heads) as surgery or and injury. I did answer the lady. I said no, no surgery. And left it at that. I had no desire to tell a stranger my medical history!
My close family know and mostly realise when I'm struggling. It helps that my mum has had ME since I was 14. But that also gives me hope. She had a rough time in the first ten years. She ended up in a wheelchair and told she'd never get out. But she did. Now she walks way better than I do and without aids.
So although it might look grim now, there's always the possibility that things will get better.

Aug 18, 2015 8:35 PM

Dont ever think that you don't have the right to express that your in pain. I have an idea about how you feal. Your words sound so much like mine except that I can't travel. Cant sit. So kinda hard to go anywhere. Ill curse and sound like a sailor with turetts syndrome. But holding everything in will eat u up in the long run. I dont see famley eather some have hurt me to much. And i dont need anymore pain in my life and others i love to much for them to know what i go through. I know that depression dose come with chronic pain also fatigue, and a list of other things. You should never feal that your pain isn't as important as someone else's. Take it day by day. I hated my husband when he would be snoring and i had not slept in days from the pain anxiety and all the other things we deal with. Remember that chronic pain dose cause the brain to change over time and we dont produce the same hormones that we should. Express your frustration even if it's just writing it down for only you to see.. hay burn it after .just get it out. We cant help anyone else if we are not healthy ourselves.

Aug 19, 2015 9:01 PM

I went to see my orthopedic doctor I had back fusion 5 months ago on 3/12/15 and he said I should not still be in pain so he wants to take MRI

Aug 19, 2015 9:05 PM

I believe about it it's hard for other people to deal with it and they don't want to hear it all the time. I think sometimes when we hide the pain and suffering that we have, it's a way of pretending it's not there at least 4 a minute.

Aug 19, 2015 9:06 PM

I meant to say also, Thank God for places like this that we can let it out and not pretend and not feel like we're judged because of or illness.

Aug 20, 2015 10:05 AM

Leolion, keep us posted. Praying they will see the cause with the MRI. 🙏🌼

Aug 20, 2015 10:27 AM

Chocolat, that is only one of the wonderful things about this community of wonderful people. When I came here and introduced myself I was welcomed and made to feel so comfortable. I've built very strong bonds with several members of this, as I refer to it, family and there never is any judgement or negativity. Only hugs, advice, encouragement, sympathy, empathy and understanding. This place has been a Godsend for me and I pray daily for all of the people who have touched my life and those who are yet to come. I'm glad that you found us Chocolat!! I'm also glad that you find the support and comfort that you need.💕🙏🏻🌻

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