I am struggling today. I feel low & just want to stay in my bed. I wanted to be more upbeat but there are just those days...
I know you all must have them too. I so relate to that "Too tired" poem.
I feel kinda useless yet I know I'm not. It's just the day after day realities, watching my dreams go by & everyone else's coming to fruition.
I have to hang on to hope. My hands hurt from hanging on...and my heart too. I get so disappointed in myself...that I can't seem to make that shift in my thoughts that gives me the right perspective...that keeps me hopeful.
I need more happy juice in my brain but I can't quite get the hang of all the supplements needed to make that happen. I feel as if I am trying to root out all those other things that cause my symptoms...the fixable things that lead to better life quality...all on my own...but I am just too tired and "fogged" to be my own physician. My internist is doing his best but I feel I am diagnosing & treating by myself..doing all the research...it's so exhausting. Most of the testing needed is not conventional so it takes extra work to obtain...from a mind that is just "problem-solved" out.
I keep hoping that: solving my sleep issues will give me more energy & less pain...adding the right supplements to feed my cell needs will give me more energy & a clearer mind...finding the right hormonal Balance will do all that & decrease my depression...that I will wake up one day eager to accomplish & remain eager long enough to accomplish something.
I fear that: my symptoms have led me down a trail of slothfulness...the need for help from others has become more habit than true need...that I am slipping into a dependent personality disorder...that I am taking pain meds more for a peaceful mind than for pain...my history of addictive behaviors lead me to drug addiction...the way I am today will never change...that the end of time will come before I have overcome these obstacles.
And then my kitty Ollie arrives-- she is licking my nose, my face, my eyelids...so sweet so comforting...can't be "down" at the same time as loving my cat. Well and there is the ending to this post☺