How is it that I can be in this tyoe of pain plus emotional stress and still function.. It's no wonder my heart rate is above 130 at resting rate. I'm just kind of on over load from the appointment. Just thinking about all she said she s wants to put me on a low grade chemo treatment. Which I'm still on the fence about.
But as I'm walking around the house doing my bedtime routine.. Which is funny because I most likely won't sleep.lol ..but I'm haveing stabing painss in my class and back my hips are buckling elbow on the good arm is locking up. Mostly because the cuff the used was evil and sweezed all my love out. And I'm just thinking of all I deal with and trying to see forcing myself to go back work since money is needed. I don't really know what to think right now. I just want to be healthy again. I want this weight off I want all the side eyes a d whispering to go away. I just want me back. And the thought of having to learn to love this new person who was just thrown on me.. They say she is me but I do t know her.. I've just gotten to a point in my old life where I could say I knew who I was and its all gone..