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Exhausted

May 27, 2015 9:50 PM

Hi everyone I am so tired, stiff and having sharp little jabbing pains in my lower back. I tired to lay down but had to help with the baby. She is sick with a upper repertory infection which is virl and they won't give any meds for it. Sorry for spelling. Her mother is getting where she doesn't want to take care of her. I tell her all the time to do things for the baby. She thinks that she is a bad baby because she cries. But she is a good baby she usually cries when she is hungry, wrt, or poopy diaper. I told her I wasn't getting up
at night anymore boy is it hard they let her scream for it seems like 30 min wakes everybody in the house up. I'm at my wits end. I was told this afternoon that my husband and me are going to have to take her to UTMB for her check up because she has to do something else she has to do. I couldn't believe her nothing would have kept me from taking my baby to the Dr especially for such a serious problem, we don't know if they are going to want to operate on her or not and she is just 1 month old. I don't know what to think is she already tired of her? She's not a puppy or kitten but year's how she is acting. Sorry for the rant y'all

May 27, 2015 11:07 PM

Well I guess that I will call it a night. I hope everyone here has a good night's sleep without very much pain or none at all. God Bless and keep you in his care tonight.Talk to y'all tomorrow.

May 28, 2015 12:35 AM

Try and stay positive and just keep them and that sweet baby in ur prayers as i will do the same for for you ..! Have a blessed night

May 28, 2015 8:51 AM

Weezie I'm sorry your daughter is putting you through this. She seems to be as irresponsible now as she was of getting pregnant. She doesn't want an imperfect baby for one. And her idea of perfection is warped. Her daughter is not a robotic baby doll to be played with when it fancies her.

This may sound harsh but I call it tough love. If she doesnt want the responsibility, tell your daughter to sign over permanent custody/guardianship to you and your husband, or to give her up permanently and y'all adopt her. Don't rush into it but if she keeps this up y'all should set her down for a strong talk.

I have a friend who is raising her 3 grandchildren, and she has legal custody through the courts. Sadly she had to hire a lawyer and take her daughter before a judge to declare her an unfit mother. Her daughter was to busy partying. This is a frequently occurring situation all over nowadays. It's very sad and disheartening. It's no wonder kids are growing up the way they are.
My son in laws first wife disappeared out of her two sons lives for a year. Now she's moved back with two daughters, and she might see her sons a total of three days of a month, if that. Her youngest son has behavior disorders and when she can't deal with it she brings them home early.

I'll keep you in my prayers, and your daughter too. God can intercede where we can not. Try and get some rest so your back will relax. Hugs! 🙏🌼

May 30, 2015 2:58 AM

Thank y'all Flappsy and Butterflies of hope 73. I know that God can fix this in his on time. I talked to her the other day and she says. they are thinking of getting them an apartment, it scares me to death to think of what will happen to that sweet baby.

May 30, 2015 5:47 AM

Weezie, You put that baby in God's care. I have a saying that "God cant drive if I hold on to the wheel. 😘 Our daughter moved out as a way of hurting us because we wanted her to be aresponsible parent. We set some ground rules of coming home and getting her daughter to bed & on a schedule. This was at the 18 month mark! Up until then my husband and I, & our youngest daughter, we all doing everything for my granddaughter; cook, bathe, dress, entertain & play with, teach, etc. Her mom would either set back and watch or mostly abandon ship with excuses of "something she had to do." But I caught on and realized, not only were we raising her child, she was rarely home so they weren't bonding!

She got mad, using the "I'm an adult and i should be able to do as i please" argument. I told her if she was an adult she should take responsibility for her daughter. The next week she moved out in anger and kept our granddaughter from us for two months; no calls, no visits. It nearly broke her dad! And it was hard on me & our other daughter to. But I've had to go through to much in my lifetime, so the "tough love" on our part, to stand our ground & not back paddle just so she come around... No! I told my husband if we let her have her way then every time she got mad with us she'd use her daughter as a pawn to manipulate us, and i told her the same. She died again about 9 months later, withholding her daughter but again we stood firm. Seven years later she says moving out and having to take responsibility for her child is what changed her. Now she still says we kicked her out, but in reality she choose to move out because she didn't like our house rules. Lol, she does admit quite often that she sees me in herself, as how she mothering her child and three stepchildren. I aske her if that was a bad thing and she said no because she married a man like her dad, one who leaves the parenting to her so he can be the fun parent. 😉

As hard as it will be on you and your husband, moving out may be what it takes for her to mature and bond with your granddaughter. I've been through it twice. As a matter of fact this daughter moved out four times when she'd get angry, but we let her come home. That was the only rule that changed for our youngest... If you move out it's permanent! Lol She left the best at 25. She told us later that while we thought she wasnt breaking any rules, she just l learned from hera responsibleto handle & hide situations better! Mind you, she gave us a fair share of gray hairs too, she tried to manipulate. Our main rule was "Our house, your home. You want freedom to roam & do as you please then pay rent... We aren't a hotel, nor a Burger King to have it your way!" 😦

May God give you a restful and blessed weekend!🙏🌼

May 30, 2015 5:54 AM

She died again = she did it again
She left the best at 25 = she left the nest...
She just I learned from Hera responsibleto handle = she just said I learned from her irresponsibility to...

Sorry got the typos... I only corrected the blatant ones.🙏🌼

May 30, 2015 7:32 AM

Thanks Flappsy I hope that she will realize what a beautiful gift she has been give and stand up and take care of her like she should .I know I have to put her into God's hands and td rust that she is being taken care of right.

May 30, 2015 7:47 AM

No better hands than Gods! But sometimes He let's us sink to the bottom so we start looking for Him Its at our most broken time He is seen & recognized by many...even me in my past. . Just know that they are His daughter & granddaughter too. And for every bit of love and protection you want to give, He wants to & can give so much more. I'm carrying your family in my prayers & heart! I know its hard sitting back to let Him take the reins...I think that's just the woman/mothers in us. Hugs & prayers sweet sister & friend! 🙏🌼

May 30, 2015 1:11 PM

Weezie obviously others know more of the back details than I do so I may be way off. But it sounds like your daughter is young and while she may have had her issues prior to your granddaughters birth too have you considered the possibility there might be some postpartum issues going on that are beyond her control or ability to even recognize? Between being young and inexperienced, having a newborn with major health issues and perhaps an unstable relationship as well there may be factors at work here that are pushing it all over the edge for her. I mean this situation sounds like it would be hard enough on anyone and while many of us find a way to deal and work through these hard times or postpartum symptoms many don't too and that isn't because they or the people around them are weak it just is. So I can't imagine how anyone gets through a time with all those things factoring in without some outside professional help. I mean it might be beyond all of you without some guidance and you certainly shouldn't be expected by anyone including yourself to take it all on. Maybe asking the doctor what they think when you take the baby in will give you some guidance or help with that idea. Again I may be way off and straight tough love is what's needed here but if something else could help make it less tough on all of you... You are so obviously full of love and only wanting what's best for both your daughter and your granddaughter, in other words a great mom, far less concerned about what's best for you. I so admire your strength and perseverance. Hang in there and know that you are doing the very best you can and then some because it's all from a place of love and you have support.

May 30, 2015 2:23 PM

Weezie,

This is way out there but this is meant to comfort. I am just trying to imagine how you would feel. If I were in your situation, I can imagine myself thinking, how can someone that I love and raised to love treat their child this way. Is this any reflection on me? Sometimes we tend to look inwards and feel responsible. I know that hasn't been suggested. I am just imagining you need this empathy. As a parent, I am very affectionate. I have always shown love to my son and daughter. I held them. I hugged them and kissed them. My daughter was just different than what I had to offer. From the day she came out of her mother, she did not want to be held. I had to coax her to lay next to me. She hates to be hugged and she despises kisses. It is no joke on her part, She cringes and turns stiff when this happens. I am hurt when I see her allow someone to hug her when she wont allow me. But she does it to not hurt their feelings. On the other hand she is the most wonderful young lady. I am so proud of her. But she is not someone I would count on to make me feel loved even though I know in there some where she deeply loves me. The point I am making, to some extent, the kind of people are children turn out to be do not reflect on our personalities or character. So much more defines that then just us.

On top of that a scripture in 2 Tim 3:1-3, it told us about how the personalities of the people would be in our days. It said that there would start to be a decline in natural affection. Haven't you seen that today, everywhere. People not being as kind to their family members that previously in many many previous years to us there was a marked display of natural affection in families. I am not saying there were not problems. But there was more affection.

Also, in what I have viewed over the years, when parents had Adult children who had kids who were not properly taking good care of their young one or ones, they did not appreciate all the help they were getting from their mother and father, nor could they do without it. That being the key point. But they all have the same common card that they can hang over you. They know you would probably do anything for that kid because you love them so much. So they threaten to take away or distance, see less. All this to let you know it will hurt you or cause hardship on the child so you will shut up and back off. This is the perfect time to call their bluff. Because their is usually know one else to do all the crap they need done. They will still need you so much because if they move out, they will have so many more expenses and less money to pay for things to care for that child that they will need you more.

This may seem judgemental. I am not suggesting to be. This is the case of a parent who lacks natural affection for parent and child. For a case of one of our children who didn't take to heart the love that we wanted to instill in them. We can give, we just can't control how they feel it.

But Lymie was also raising some very good points. These days so many parents are just not mature enough to be parents. It use to be we got things in order before we had children. Made sure we had a good job, insurance, house, car, ect. People would search stability first. That was the way people use to do it way back in the past. But people today and I myself made and make it so hard on themselves, They swamp themselves with worry about money from day to day. couple issues, a sick child, despression, post partum at that. All these could be cause for compassion.

The root point of my post was feel good about yourself as a parent and grandparent. The fact that you surround this child with affection and love shows what you provided your own child with. Trust in God that if you don't allow yourself to be pushed around by allowing them to use the child over you, everything will be alright. And since you are a loving person, like Lymie said, maybe we need magnifying glasses to look extra special for clues of any added stressors that could be contributing to what is going on.

I really hope my post is not way out there and to wierd. I get an idea in my head about what I imagine what someone needs to hear so I say it. If it is so wrong. I am so sorry. Know that it was meant to build up and not to tear down. Sometimes the tongue can be a sword when we didn't mean it to be.

May 30, 2015 11:09 PM

Omg weezie, Lymie could be right about the post partum depression. I don't know why I didn't think of it seeing as I went through it. Of course that was nearly 28 years ago, and I struggle with my memory from one moment to the next. My youngest was about 8 months old when her sister got head lice, followed by chicken pox. Both had both and the hubby got the chicken pox too (worse than the girls). I then caught a cold and gave it to the baby. All included we were fighting sicknesses nearly three months. I cracked under the pressure and had a complete breakdown, even afraid to leave my house. They hospitalized me with major depression due to post partum. depression. Family members said they'd seen a change in me for months, but no one said anything to anyone else, least of all me or my hubby. Pay attention to your daughter's moods, to her sleeping habits, to her interaction with the baby. Talk to the pediatrician and ask what to watch for.

Sadly, Profiler is also right on how families aren't the same. And it is possible your daughter is feeling overwhelmed and is trying to distance herself rather than deal with the reality or responsibility. I think that's what my daughter was doing the first two years now that i think about it in this light. She had her heart set on getting back together with her baby's dad but it didn't work. Your daughter may be dealing with something similar. But if Lymie is right she may not be able to help it, a sub conscious act of self preservation from feeling depressed over her daughters health (& maybe more) but not realizing it. She may even be blaming herself. But if she's anything like you she will at some point down the road turn into a wonderful mom, you are.

I'm still praying for you all! Goodnight & sweet dreams! May you have lees pain and more rest this night!🙏🌼

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