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Family Trouble

Jun 01, 2015 10:58 AM

I'm so tired right now!
I finally got mostly over the cold, but now I'm feeling stressed by my stepmom, who's losing touch with reality, and seeming more and more like my biological mom every day.
It's eery, they both fantasize about having a perfect designer-looking house, they both expect my sis and I to follow their religion blindly, they quote the same books, they both make my heart beat like I'm being chased.

My stepmom says she loves us, but she avoids us, preferring to listen to people talk about how helpful it is to have frequent emotional outbursts, and telling my sis and I that she wants to run away with another family.
She used to be more open minded, and laugh and joke and be fun but now I just feel stressed.

My whole family is realizing how hard it is to have her around, and we're all trying to give her one more chance.
At my last coping clinic visit, I realized how stressed I've been feeling under the surface.

She's convinced that if I just did what she said, then all my pain would go away. It's sad, and scary that things will likely blow up soon. I think she'll go live with the other family, who believe in the same religion and belief system as her. My dad will probably have to do a bunch of odd jobs again. He's done construction, instrument repair, fencing, real estate, taxi driving, and more.

My family's planning an intervention, but we all want her to be happy. We are going to give an option, family and individual/behavior therapy, or move out. It's scary as hell for me, but this stress is not helping me get better. I keep doing things that I know will cause physical pain just so I don't have to deal with my stepmom.

Just yesterday, my sis and I decided to just sit and talk instead of doing the things we love, so she wouldn't freak out about a mess. Now my stepmom is sick, I'm exhausted, and my dad and sis are semi asleep. I want to know where the switch happened for my stepmom, but she can't see the way she's hurting us.

My sis recently cut off all communication with our biological mom because she's too stressful, but now it feels like she's still living with us. My mom and stepmom absolutely hate each other, maybe it's because they're looking in a mirror?

Right now, my whole body is shaking and I'm terrified. This just plain sucks!

I don't know what to do.

Jun 01, 2015 11:17 AM

Ferretbandit, I am so sorry for your dilemma. It seems so strange that all of a sudden, your stepmother is just like your biological mother. The intervention seems like it is a good idea and I pray that she goes along with it and that she gets the help she needs. If she was nice before and used to laugh and joke there may be a neurological problem going on in her brain. She may need to have medical tests as well as a psychological workup. I feel for you with the stress load you are carrying. It is not healthy for you to be under so much pressure. You need to continue with YOUR therapy to help you cope. You have enough with your chronic pain issues causing stress and depression without taking on this burden. Perhaps you can think back and see a time when there were odd things going on with your stepmom and maybe that will bring you to what was happening at that time and then it could help to figure out what may be wrong. It shouldn't be all up to you to figure this out either... Speak to your sister and father and see if the three of you can think of anything that my have seemed odd at the time but passed so you didn't think anything of it at the time and then it got worse or more frequent. I am praying for a good outcome from this intervention. Try to do some breathing exercises and relaxation techniques to help reduce your stress. I know you're in pain but if you are feeling stressed and need space from your stepmother, go outside and take a short walk. Call a friend and have them come and pick you up and go to their house for a little while. You mentioned that your sister does not speak to your biological Mom but how is your relationship with her? Can you speak to her at all? Perhaps there is some insight you can gain in speaking to her. I agree with your assessment of your Mom and Stepmom not liking one another because they see what they don't like about themselves in each other. It is something that is common. I don't know if any of this is helpful, I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and that I am sending you healing wishes and prayers. It will somehow work out. Hang in there.

Jun 01, 2015 2:39 PM

Ferretbandit, I'm so sorry for the stress you are under. And it hurts my heart to hear your mom and stepmom are trying to force their beliefs on you and your sister. Believe me when I say I understand having "religion" shoved down your throat! We were taught only one denomination was heaven bound, but I grew up to believe differently. When I'm asked about my religion or denomination I simply state that I am a Christian. I love people, all people, and I don't preach my beliefs expecting anyone else to follow. I answer questions when asked and yes I do pray for everyone on this app about the issues they mention. That's because I care. God loves me, you, AlwayZ, every one. He doesn't want anyone forced to love Him back, because that will only cause resentment feelings. He wants everyone to find Him and want a relationship with Him on their own. To me, God is my #1, my confidant, I talk to & hear from Him. I never feel alone because He's always with me. And I found my relationship with God way after I left home.

And just in case anyone is telling you that you wouldn't be sick if you were... (Going to church, had confessed your sins, etc etc), don't believe it. Christians get sick too! And it's not because we are being punished. God says even we will suffer illnesses. Please don't be offended or think I'm preaching at you! I'm just wanting you to know, not everyone is like your mom & stepmom, or others like them. The way to know if what you're being told is truth is to read it yourself. If someone quotes a Bible verse at you, read it, but read before and after to. Many times people choose specific words, leaving other things out. People like to point out what others do wrong but not read or listen to verses that point out their own wrong attitudes. I'm not perfect by any means, not even close. And I was raised from both sides of the tracks, poor and well off. I choose to live in the low-middle between. I focus on necessities and help others when I can.

I truly hope the planned intervention will help. It may be that your stepmom isn't able to handle the stress she's feeling and is wanting to "run away, escape." AlwayZ is right about thinking back and make notes of any little change in her behavior, who was present, what was going on, etc. Working together should help provide a clearer picture. But be prepared for her to buck at any intervention. I am praying for you, your dad, stepmom & mom, and your sister. Hugs via e-mode... πŸ™πŸŒΌπŸ’•

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