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Fear

Nov 22, 2015 9:26 AM

Morning guys,
Just needed to pop on here for a few minutes. I'm learning that it's okay to be afraid of the unknown, but it is better if you can talk about it before it gets to this stage. I posted several weeks ago about having a "lump" that I caught back at the end of June. Have noticed that it is starting to become more uncomfortable and also changing in size, so I know that I need to go back to the surgeon ASAP. My only problem with going is that my body almost automatically associates surgeon=pain. It's just an automatic response. The only options that she gave me the last time is to either do an ultrasound guided needle biopsy or an open surgical biopsy, but won't know anything until tomorrow morning.
I just needed to speak it out loud today, just so that I can kind of stop worrying about it today. Going to try to just relax today and try not to let the fear come back in. Thanks for listening.

Nov 22, 2015 9:31 AM

You got this. Just remember fear is always a lie ..well unless your in a horror movie and then we'll fesr is oh so real. Lol.. However during day time. Fear is a lie. โœ‹ take my hand lets go together. Just don't leave your phone.. Lol or tablet..lol

Nov 22, 2015 9:36 AM

We hear you hon. We are here for you. Please let us know if you start feeling fearful ๐Ÿ˜จ.We will walk through it with you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Nov 22, 2015 9:47 AM

Cearea, I'm at the fearful stage now, but there is nothing I can do about it. I think I would just prefer to go ahead and get the damn thing out and not have to worry about it anymore. But other people on my care team are of different opinions. Like my nurse just sent me an email asking if I had seen the breast surgeon yet. Yes, I did but she sent me for a breast biopsy, but when I got there, I felt really kind of put off by the radiologist. He basically said I shouldn't be feeling it. I felt like I was not being listened to so I'm going back to my primary surgeon on tuesday(or hoping too).

Nov 22, 2015 9:48 AM

We are thinking of you. Hope everything turns out ok. โ™กโ™กโ™กโ™กโ™กโ™ก

Nov 22, 2015 9:59 AM

He needs to understand you are not the average patient. I think your surgeon should have stepped up to the plate there. I want what you want and so should your Drs. I have never heard of that many Drs basically ignoring a lump in a woman's breast. If it were me in your position, I'd be yelling and screaming until I didn't have a voice left to get that out of me, I but that is me. I don't take bs from Drs. I worked with and around them for way to many years and as my kids would say, I "mom' so Irish is up, and look out '. I'm Irish with a temper and the red hair to match. So, I will send you some of my fightin Irish spirit so when you going, tell them you want the damn thing out now!! Hope that helps you to push back the fear.

Nov 22, 2015 10:11 AM

Don't be scared or fearful, and get mad... sometimes it's the only way through it. I Keep the faith and we'll be right there next to you, in front of you and behind you, watching your 6!

Nov 22, 2015 10:11 AM

Hang in there, Amanda. I know that you're scared and you have a right to be. Every time I go to the doctor I associate it with pain. That is very normal. I'm glad you got that off your chest and that you're going to try to relax. Sending you love, gentle {{{Hugs}}} and prayers.๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐ŸŒป๐Ÿ˜Š

Nov 22, 2015 11:35 AM

Alwayz, can you send me some laughs on Tuesday if I've managed to get an appointment? Even if it's just to break my tension. I'm starting to feel it dissipate a little bit, because the more I think about it, the more I know that I'm in the best hands possible. As in, I will not go to any other surgeon at this point. Just not happening.

Nov 22, 2015 12:16 PM

Amanda, your in my prayer's and will always be. Sending you soft gentle hugs and love ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•

Nov 22, 2015 12:26 PM

Going to a doctor, and especially the possibility of surgery is terrifying, at least for me. I hope you get answers at your appointment!

Nov 22, 2015 2:20 PM

Okay guys, going down for the night. Having some sort of weird reaction to what, I have no idea. Have Benadryl on board. If it gets any worse, I'm calling 911. Caught it early.

Nov 22, 2015 2:36 PM

Amanda, you're in my prayers, may you get the peace you need to go through this.

Nov 22, 2015 3:20 PM

Sometimes when I find myself in fearful situations. I am usually anxious because I cannot control the situation. I hate when I can't steer the wheel or don't know the outcome. That is when I remind myself that I never did have control. When I get anxious, it's like my body is surprised it's not in control but once I remind it that all I have control over is my responses to outside forces, it gives me some peace. I really don't know why it does that. It doesn't make sense. Maybe it lets my mind off the hook that I am suppose to do something that I can't. I am sure this doesn't help everyone but it gives me some peace.

I hope you get the answers you need and the relief that you need right away. I would think the stress is the worse part right now.

Nov 22, 2015 3:50 PM

Profiler, that's what gets to me is knowing that I have no control over the situation. I just have to look towards my faith and the one who is steering the wheel, cause it's sure not me at this point. At this point, all I can do is just lay it down, let it go and just be held.
@Mopar, yes Just be held! That's all I can do right now.

Nov 22, 2015 3:59 PM

Profiler, why you told me this I found it comforting. I've changed the way I think a lot. Thanks my friend.๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐ŸŒป๐Ÿ˜Š

Nov 22, 2015 4:24 PM

Alwayz, isn't what profiler just said, exactly what you told me earlier this afternoon?

Nov 22, 2015 4:26 PM

It sure is!!! I found it to be very profound and that it helped me tremendously. Hopefully, after you've had time to absorb the concept, you'll find that you'll be able to get through pretty much everything. (Especially with a little help from your friends!!)๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐ŸŒป๐Ÿ˜Š

Nov 22, 2015 6:52 PM

Alwayz, I think it might be time to just check out of my body for a bit. Too much going on and hardly any spoons left for this week. Catch up with you guys tomorrow.

Nov 22, 2015 7:09 PM

Sending you some extra spoons to help get you through and I totally understand. I'm here for you, so always remember that. Sleep well tonight and I'll check in on you through the night. The nausea is bad, I have acid coming up into my Esophogus and is burning the shit out of me and I just want to throw up. I'm so tired from being sick but because of the other shit, I'll probably be awake a lot. Feel free to text me no matter what the hour. I'm here, my friend, I'll make you giggle and then you'll be able to sleep.๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐ŸŒป

Nov 23, 2015 8:41 AM

Got an appointment for 9 am tomorrow morning with my surgeon. Praise The Lord!!!!!!!

Nov 23, 2015 10:38 AM

Awesome. I'll be with you in in virtual ..you got this

Nov 23, 2015 10:40 AM

Will be holding your hand โœ‹!

Nov 23, 2015 10:41 AM

You know I'll be by your side and holding your other hand... I'll need a free one for the napkin!!๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜œ

Nov 23, 2015 10:42 AM

Me too. I'll carry the box of kleenex

Nov 23, 2015 10:45 AM

Did you see the administration post that they blocked that guy and are taking his posts away?๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

Nov 23, 2015 2:18 PM

Ok. I'll have them on standby Thank goodness they finally got on it. That was the reason I didn't sleep that night. I was just to tense.

Nov 23, 2015 4:40 PM

Cearea, I didn't sleep last night either much, so you are not the only one.

Nov 23, 2015 4:43 PM

I am slept last night, not very well, but the night that guy was on, I was knotted up like a narly ๐ŸŒฒ. Anxious and just jittery.

Nov 23, 2015 5:26 PM

Well, now you don't have to worry, he's been blocked by administration and will not be here to upset you any more

Nov 23, 2015 5:30 PM

I'm glad they can do that and keep us safe from the weirdos who just want to cause havoc.

Nov 23, 2015 5:35 PM

@Cearea, yes I took the whole day off tomorrow, since I don't know what she is planning to do surgically with it. It could be nothing or it could be an aspiration in the office. But since I don't know, I'm not going to stress about it and get myself all worked up.

Nov 24, 2015 6:12 AM

Just singing let it go, let it go, let it gooooooooo this morning.

Nov 24, 2015 12:19 PM

If I hear that song once more, I'm gonna throw up!! LMAO!!๐Ÿ˜

Nov 28, 2015 7:30 PM

Praying for you Amanda! ๐Ÿ™๐ŸŒผ

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