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Feeling angry and frustrated

Oct 31, 2015 3:06 PM

It's been a busy few days funeral family fibromayalgia fatigue rain and cold. Today was OK to start washed my hair and now in done. Achey and angry. Supper tired headache ..more rain is coming in and all I hear is why r u sleeping what's wrong with u get up go to bed get out of here.. Ughhhhhhhhhjhhh... Just really don't want to deal. I have a big doctor appointment next week actually I have two big ones gonna be starting new hormone therapy for my tumors in a different city and my family don't want to take nor gonwith me. Really... I suppose I've out lived my sick time. Suppose they tired of me now. Don't know how to process. My plans to meet and see my boyfriend fell through. I've not seen him since my surgery on the 6th .
Just tired of it all. I miss my life.

Oct 31, 2015 10:12 PM

I'm so sorry the day has turned so stressful for you. And I'm sorry your family doesn't understand. Do you have a friend who could go with you? Would your boyfriend go? My hubby, as good as he's always been, wasn't believing everything I had wasn't going to go away. I asked him to go with me and told him he could ask anything he wanted. He asked the doc "when's she going to be able to get over all this medicine and be OK, back to normal?" My doc scolded him and educated him that I would always need meds and likely worsen. He's been a different person since. Even if your family won't go, have you thought of recording the exam, letting the doc know you want to play it for your family so they can understand.? They really don't deserve it but if it helps them understand them out would be worth it. You are in my thoughts and prayers! Hugs.. 🙏🌼

Nov 01, 2015 2:45 AM

Thank you flappys. First I'm surprised and thankful u remember me enough to know bout my boyfriend. That means a lot to me. Yes he would go he lives in that area however I would still need to get there. And I was thinking the same way towards the recording. I actually feel if they wanted to know what my health is they would be there. As it stands now my GOD sister is taking me if she does not forget .

Nov 01, 2015 4:04 AM

It's 4 in the morning and I'm so angry. Just thinking. Abouty life and how I feel my family is acting towards me. I hate feeling so helpless and alone. Just dont even want to see this day.

Nov 01, 2015 4:46 AM

Newfibrogirl, I am so sorry about your family. Living this life is hard enough without having to deal work people abandoning us because they think we're just doing it for the attention or whatever it is that they think to make it okay that they're deserting is in our time of need.

I think the recording is a great idea.

And I really hope that your god sister can take you. Maybe send her a couple texts to try and remind her. Try and make it innocuous? I know what is like to deal with people who forget (family members with dementia, brain tumor, cancer, and just plain old inattentive ADD (that's most of my mom's side of the family the side that actually takes me seriously and doesn't treat me like I'm bug f'ing nuts.)).

It's 4 in the morning here and I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. The bf has disappeared. I wasn't going to text him after our last text exchange (which was innocuous but there was some subtext there... Whatevs. Monday come Monday.... Is that a song? Is obviously really really in the morning because I'm so all over the place because the next thing that popped into my brain was that song, "you're so vain" by Carly Simon. I should totally hander that on repeat in the living room if he decides to come home. Bwahahaa... texting him.. (bc that's who i am) but I couldn't help it because I started to worry that he flipped his car in a ditch or something. Not that he'd be able to text me back if his car is flipped. It's not funny but this thought piped in my mind off him texting me while hanging upside down in his car, unharmed of course)....

Okay this insomniac, all over the place, probably making little sense, is signing off for the next few minutes. Lol.

Thinking of you, fibrogirl. When do your new therapies begin? Are you going to have to stay inpatient?

Nov 01, 2015 8:07 AM

Kirty 26.. Thanks for your kind attention and no worries I understand all to well the 4 am train of thought. Lol. I was following u all the way because I do the something when I'm really in it..
As fory therapy.. This is the part that really worried me biut my family not going. I have no idea what the therapy is gonna intell .it could be pills or a shot or some cream. But since my tumors r external I would doubt it would be a cream. I have no idea what course she will take not to mention I've been wheezing for a week now and I'm not asmatic but do have a history of pneumonia. So this trip could go many ways. My fear is I'm gonna be stuck hours away in a hospital alone. Ugh

Nov 01, 2015 2:33 PM

Newfibrogirl, There's always a slight possibility that your family doesn't want to see the pain you're going through, or hear what a doctor says, simply because they are afraid of the truth and feeling helpless to stop it. Is there one family member, or friend, who is somewhat supportive that you could get to listen to what you are feeling, what you feel about being alone in the hospital?

If you did go alone, you may actually find yourself able to hocus and function on the program, without worrying or getting upset about the rest of the family. It may do you emotional good to not be around their negativity. And you would not be totally alone, because all of us will be here for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers, and my heart! (((Hugs))))! 🙏🌼

Nov 01, 2015 4:26 PM

I know that 4 am train to looneyville! I'm on it every night. U made perfect sense to me and I even got a bit of a chuckle out of it. I call it looneyville cause that's where I feel it's taking me, not anyone else.

Nov 01, 2015 4:36 PM

Cearea, glad you got a kick out of it. I aim to make people smile! :)

Newfinrogirl (NFG - hope you don't mind you're so cool you've got an acronym :) . Just gave it to you Hehehe) I'm sorry that none of your family is going with you. I have more to say again but brain is mesh asked mush from not sleeping all night until nearly 8 this morning. But I'm happy happy now. Not going ti mention why @moment. But soon! Soon my darlings. Big hugs!

Nov 01, 2015 8:55 PM

Ah, kitty, I'm glad you are happy, whatever the reason!

Nov 01, 2015 9:15 PM

Flappys.. I have thought of this before . in fact my mom said that was the reason she did not go in with me for my last post op appointments. It's hard to believe or accept as a real reason. Because for me when I'm in pain is when I need them the most. As for the one supportive member these r the only ones I have and now it looks like its gonna just gonna be me. I feel if I'm gonna be alone I might as well leave move out and get my own place again. I'm just really feeling let down. Mom actually said I'm gonna have to start going alone. At least in the early stages my boyfriend was with me but I let my mom convince me to move home .
U r also right I do have a lot of things I want to say to the Dr that mom would find offensive. But yet its all true. If she had any idea of the things I have said here she would be on level 22 of pissef off scale.

@kitty.. Thanks ..its very cool I have a special name..I think it's cool

Nov 01, 2015 9:23 PM

Wow, Newfibrogirl, I am so sorry that your family is being so cruel. May I ask why your mom would say that to you? I just don't understand what her problem could be. My mom and I don't always get along, she gets frustrated, but she would go to all my appointments if she could.

Is there public transportation, or taxi's or something that you could utilize? I don't know how much that would cost, so I apologize if those are out of the question for you.

Nov 01, 2015 9:25 PM

Also, what could you possibly say to your doctor that your mom would find offensive?? You don't have to answer if you don't want to ((hugs)).

Nov 01, 2015 9:26 PM

Amieleblanc..I wish I knew why she is acting like this. I can only say stress. Most of the others here know in addition to my fibro possible RA Lupus and have abdominal tumors my dad also has two types of cancer. So my whole family is really under the gun. So I try to understand however it's hard at times when I look around and its just me.

Nov 01, 2015 9:30 PM

Oh Hun, serious ((hugs)). That's all terrible. It just boggles my mind...she's your mom for gods sake, she's supposed to take care of you, no matter your age. I wish I could help you. Ill keep sending you hugs and know you are in my thoughts.

Nov 01, 2015 9:47 PM

Thank you all so very much..😢

Nov 01, 2015 9:49 PM

Newfibrogirl, you have had so much going on. I feel so bad for you and you have been strong. It took strength to go to that funeral when you did not feel good enough to.

I was wondering if your family knows what you need and what you are really going through and the symptoms that go with it. Most of the times we find that our families care very much but they don't want to believe we are sick and they want to believe everything is o.k. So they think if they can get you up in they morning and get you into everyday life, then you are o.k. Sometimes we have to sit them down and turn off the tv and tell them I am not o.k. This is what is wrong. This is what is happening to me and I feel really bad. I don't get out of bed because I feel like I can't get out of bed. Tell them then what you need from them and what hurts you. It might help. Because then they can imagine what you are going through and that is the basis of empathy. To have empathy for someone, you need imagination. It doesn;t mean they wont continue to hurt you because their life keeps on going on like normal and everything is o.k and you don't conform to that. So you will be the odd man out or woman. So they may say something if you don't keep up or your sleeping to much still. But still knowledge is power. Maybe you have done this already and it hasn't helped. I just thought I would offer the suggestion.

Nov 01, 2015 9:55 PM

Yes so awesome. I'll have to look at these. And see where I can use them
Think I'll stop. I've taken my ambian and nor my screen is all out of sorts so I'll go for now..

Nov 02, 2015 2:55 PM

New girl with fibromyalgia it's been 3years i have battling this terrible illness and it has changed everything about me can't look forward to anything because all ways in pain!!

Nov 02, 2015 7:25 PM

Sounds like your pretty wore out. When I find myself as you are, I take time to asses my condition. There are different variables I look at. I write down of importance the things that are bothering me. One by one I divise a solutions. Of what I read, theres rest, mourning, emotions, feelings, cognition, relations

Nov 03, 2015 6:06 AM

Thank you TonyD, i do have lots of stress and I do know what causes it dealing with it is the problem.

Nov 03, 2015 7:22 AM

Your welcome, I hope you are feeling encouraged. There exists many ways I deal with stress, simple ways do help at times. Heres what I do. Taking a daily walk, clears your mind. Exercising, reading a book you find interesting, talking with a trusted friend helps. Talking with a couselor. And if you are a person of faith, praying helps. The importance of stress relief is to have a plan of action. A person experiencing stress will usually just wait till it runs its course which possibly means more trouble. Physical mental, spiritual. Good luck.

Nov 03, 2015 7:53 AM

Newfibrogirl, I am so sorry that your day has spun into a downward route. It is very painful when the people we love don't understand and make such insensitive comments to us. You have NOT outlived your sick time. You need to explain to them that not only did you not expect to be sick, you certainly don't want to be sick and their attitude is not accomplishing anything but making you feel worse. Every now and again I have to remind a family member what it's like. I'll pick the most horrific pain they have suffered and tell them to remember it and then tell them to imagine that pain 24/7/365 for years on end with no relief. It sinks in like you hit them in the face with a brick!! They soften, apologize and then things improve for a while but it's short lived. You will find that you will have to do this from time to time because it's easy for them to forget because they are not the ones feeling your pain. I wish I was there, I would come and take you to your appointments and sit by your side so you could feel support and be able to settle your mind a bit. I'm sending you my prayers and gentle {{{Hugs}}} to pull you through. Hang in there, it will get better (it always does).💕🙏🏻🌻

Nov 03, 2015 3:20 PM

Yes..alwayz.. I actually did that with my mom as far as just laying it on the line for her
And basically told her I am done with considering there feeling first . I have to take care of me and I can not do this alone . I need them.. And to my surprise and hers for the first time ever i told my mom that she needs to just be quite and listen. For now it seems to have worked. And as for the trip. It's gonna go off the same with everyone staying here but I can tell that it is starting to weigh on them. Both my mom and sister are more quite then normal. But I'm OK with it. With them feeling g bad. Because it'd only a fraction of what I feel. Thank you for the kind thoughts I'm sure we all would come to each others aid if it was possible. However I'm very thankful for what I have now. It's amazing how much simply posting here can make me feel better. Seeing a d knowing that I'm not in a parallel pain universe all alone. This group gives me comfort not to mention a huge amount of information.
Thank you to all who have posted to any and all ofy post. It means the world to me.

Nov 03, 2015 3:25 PM

Wow:im glad your helping yourself. All through your posting I felt Gratefullness. Youve come a long ways with more to be revealed. Keep up the good work and many blessings to you and family.

Nov 03, 2015 3:35 PM

Hope it gets better for you fibro gal. I think I remember you from before. I was off here for a bit myself

Nov 03, 2015 3:42 PM

Just saw my pain mgmt. Doc. Hes great and a Godrastical. Before my life.consisted of laying around and watching t.v. all day. Now I can take up fishing and camping, my dream. Life is good and im immensley grateful. No side effects from Norco. My attitude has drastically changed. Lots of benefits, feel 20 years younger. Thank you God

Nov 03, 2015 3:44 PM

What's norco Toni?

Nov 03, 2015 7:38 PM

What's Godrastical mean? I'd that a typo or what? My fog brain isn't helping tonight! Lol

Nov 03, 2015 7:42 PM

Jess, Norco is hydrocodone I think. On the same thing at night for breakthrough.

Nov 03, 2015 8:58 PM

Flappsy, I think that the word was supposed to be Godsend (God forbid that the "auto-correct" actually got a word correctly..LOL!! 😳😉 Since you have sometimes had to re-post a comment with the words that were wrong and what they should be. I know it happens to many of us (myself included). Normally, I fix them but if I'm having a "foggy" moment, then I don't even notice even when I read the message back to myself. I think that there are many folks here t

Nov 03, 2015 9:04 PM

Lol AlwayZ, thank you! The fibro fog has been as thick as our weather related fog today... Can't see through it to figure anything out! 😵

Nov 05, 2015 6:15 AM

Yes TonyD your right i did talk to a trusted friend, and also prayed and prayed some more, I feel like my self again people were praying for me as well woke up with sore under my arms and my only reason why is because of all the people praying to lift me up and it worked.

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