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Feeling emotional and need some hugs

Jul 03, 2016 8:59 PM

So today was a day of recovery and hopefully I'll get some time tomorrow. Life has been none stop with physical therapy family obligations and emotional stresses and medical decisions to be made. Today I had a ad wave of saddness on the thought of never being able to have a child. Even if I am able to beat these tumors and be healed from that I'd way past child bearing years. So I'm.jusy trying to wrap my mind around all thst has happened to me and family and all thst is to come. My heart is conflicted.

Jul 03, 2016 9:36 PM

Newibrogirl, I feel your pain. I'm sad to say, the pain has just begun. Many different waves of that pain hits at many different stages of life. I found out when I was 22 I would never be able to have children and I am now 47. I've often wondered how different my life would be. Many things people have told me have been true but many false. I was told I would probably never be happily married unless he was much older. However, I have had a very happy 13 yr marriage and he is 7 years younger!. Remember there are alternatives like adoption, surrogacy or even foster care. I never did any of that but I do have some nieces and nephews I just adore. Time does help but if you want to have children and cannot, there is always that sense of pain. I just want to add that you will run across many people that think since you have have not carried a child you have no idea how to care for a child. My reply....My mothering and nuturing skills started as a little girl, long before my body could not bear children. I learned how to love and be loved from my own parents. Last, I am not stupid. I know right from wrong and I do not lack common sense. I have knowledge on child care.
I cannot sign off without saying that sometimes people don't realize that my dog is my child. When I talk about her and send pictures, acknowledge them like I do your children's pictures. Although I'm pretty sure Molly understands me when I talk to her, I have not lost my mind, yet anyway! She is my baby.
JudyLynn🌸 (aka luvmylabmolly)

Jul 03, 2016 9:42 PM

Thank you for that. I've recently had to endure a lot of attacks on my childbearing ability. And I did not acknowledge or address this issue I just Internalize it. So I feel that is one reason why I'm here. And I've been playing with the idea of adoption. Not now of course. Ha..as for puppy children..oh yes.. dogs are so totally our children. I don't have a dog right now but I have had one and really want another one. I'm hopeful I'll be able to find the perfect pet for me soon. And maybe thst will help. Thanks you for mindful thoughts. They are appreciated.

Jul 03, 2016 10:30 PM

New, I'm 45 and never had any children. Yes there are days when it is very difficult to think about and I wonder what my life would be like if I had them, but I do have three awesome nephews and to wonderful step-nieces. They have given me ten great nieces and nephews to spoil, so most of the time I'm okay with not having my own. But some days I get really down and discouraged about it. My three cats are my children now.

Jul 06, 2016 11:24 AM

Newfibrogirl, I cannot say I understand because I have 2 grown children, my baby Bear, a granddaughter & stepgrandchildren. But my granddaughter will be my only natural grandchild. Her mother had difficulties and can't have more. And my youngest daughter will never be able to have children. But she has given me a grandpup! And yes, he & my Bear are treated just like my babies were. I ache for my daughter who can't conceive because I've seen the pain & emptiness in her face when her friends are celebrating their new babies. I miscarried my first pregnancy, and that pain was devastating. I cannot imagine how any of you feel. But I know how I hurt for my daughter. Hugs & prayers that God will help you through this! 🙂💕🙏🌼

Jul 07, 2016 6:23 AM

New, I know that I'm a bit late to this discussion but was trying to formulate my thoughts. I'm 35 and I also can't have children. Not because of anything that has anything to do with my chronic illness, but because I decided that when I was 21, I wanted to get my tubes tied and nobody could persuade me any differently. Now, when I look back on it, I ache to see others having children and I really long for one of my own. It frustrates me to no end if people ask me if I'm going to have kids anytime soon. If only I could. But to help, I have 2 nephews and a niece that I spoil rotten when I can and then send them back to Mom and Dad. But it does feel so good that now that they are old enough to talk, they can actually say Amanda, well that is the older 2. There was something that happened to me recently that touched my heart. My 2 year old niece actually took the cell phone from her mom, and in a loud, clear voice said, "Hello Ammy, Love you!" When I heard her say that, I dropped the phone and burst into tears. So I do understand your pain and frustration. Hugs!!!!

Jul 07, 2016 9:25 AM

Ladies, it's not like I forgot, but yet am always so blown away at how much love is here. Ive had to stifle my emotions toward this subject at home. It does hurt and I've had a few conversations with some elders that reminds me of the multiple ways to be a mother. But I came across a list I made in highschool where I " mapped out" my life..ha..yeah..i was so off on that list . I spent most of my younger years so focused on my career that children was the farthest thing from my mind. I always said I had time. But now I have neither of them. That breaks my heart into invisible pieces. Much like this disease that people say I don't have. I've been told my life is perfectly normal. Boy is that so not the case. Loveing like this has caused me to do but any and every choice I've made in my 37 yrs of life. And to have to absorb statements like " you live a normal life" well.. I'll leave it there.. I want to thank those of you who have lifted me up and have never pulled me down simply because you had a bad day. We all have bad days. But I'm thankful for those who can look past there own similar pain and uplift. Thank you guys

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