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Feeling like a burden?

Apr 11, 2016 2:13 AM

Sorry, but this is both a rant and a plea for advice.

I always feel like a burden asking people to slow down for me, or knowing that they're worrying about me, but at the same time I know that these things are important and necessary given how sick I've become recently. I guess I just don't know how much to let other people take on. I hate always making my roommate take the elevator because I can't take the stairs and always cancelling plans with friends...which have quickly diminished to about 4 at this point.

I know my swing dance team is talking about me (with concern, not scorn) behind my back, because they all give each other knowing looks when I can't dance, and they seem to have worked out some implicit agreement that I will always have a ride home and be dropped off first if there are multiple passengers.

Needless to say, I have so much unnecessary guilt that I don't know how to handle. I'm embarrassed to rely so much on others and I beat myself up when I can't do things that I used to be able to. I know this attitude really isn't helping my condition (which has yet to be diagnosed), so I suppose I'm just hoping for some kind of advice from someone older and wiser than myself (I'm 20 in two weeks)

Apr 11, 2016 2:22 AM

Arvid, I can understand why you feel the way you do. Nobody wants to feel like they are a burden. Listen, if you think about it, you probably do a lot more for yourself than you think you do. It only seems like it's the other way around because it bothers you so to depend on someone else for help. Keep in mind that you didn't ask to be sick and you sure didn't expect to be sick at the age of 20. Please don't beat yourself up over it. If your roommate didn't want to take the elevator then she wouldn't. Your swing dance crew, you yourself stated, speak of you with concern and not scorn. You are the only one who is outing this stress onto yourself. I know it sounds harsh but I've been there many times and sometimes I'll still find myself there again. Continue to remind yourself of the things that you CAN do for yourself and focus less on things you may need a hand with. Remember that no man is an island unto themselves and nobody can do everything without assistance. I hope that this was helpful. Please try to get some rest. Sending love, gentle {{{Hugs}}} and prayers that you let go of that guilt and allow yourself to ask for help when you need it without feeling bad.💕🙏🏻🌻

Apr 11, 2016 8:55 PM

Arvid, it takes time to learn to accept and deal with our limitations. Like AlwayZ said, don't beat yourself up for things you are limited at. She has given you good advice on how to cope. Hugs & prayers you will be easier on yourself! 🙂💕🙏🌼

Apr 11, 2016 9:13 PM

Hi Arvid,
I think we all feel like burdens at some stage of our conditions. For me, the feeling of being a burden, creeps up on me when my pain does the same. I think sometimes you have to accept that your body will not comply with your ideals and that can mean you need to rest. I am trying everyday to learn to work within my limitations. It is not easy to accept what is but I know that I can at least control my thoughts. I am absolutely positive that those who love you, friends and family alike, do not see you as a burden because they love you. I know how hard this is to accept but when you do, you will realise that your health is the most important and those who stick around are those who enjoy your company whether you are sick or not. Be kind to yourself and rest when you need it. I hope you get a diagnosis soon. 😊

Apr 12, 2016 12:03 AM

Thanks all for your replies! And I hope everyone sleeps tonight! Virtual hugs ❣

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