So im I'm feeling better in some way or maybe I'm just numb to it all and it's just not mattering anymore. Pain is still high and endurance. What endurance? I still feel as if I'm not heard or I'm not able to express myself freely. But I've been more able to just smile it off. Would love to be able to stay up longer or willing to stay up longer. Once the sun goes down I'm ready to just be sleep. I've been talking to a friend lately who is new to the new me. We have known each other for over 8 years. She is really good at listening and encouraging me. Although today she said the phrase we all hate . For me to just think positive and not allow the negative in. Lol...i had to take a moment and find my response. I know she ment well and I feel I'll be able to educate her through this.