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Feeling really low

Nov 10, 2018 2:58 PM

September 25, my stepmom fell and broke her hip, needing a partial replacement. She has progressive Alzheimer's, so the anesthesia messed her up. After surgery anesthesia and pain meds she only responded with 1-6 words, and couldn't tell us she's in pain because she doesn't understand what we say half the time. Two weeks postop (10/14) she was found beside her wheelchair, and dislocated the hip. She had severe facial contusions and a possible concussion, but they had to sedate her lightly to put the ball back in the socket. Cooked her brain even more, where she recognized our faces but not our names; can't say where she is either. The first rehab wouldn't take her back because she was bedridden, so we sent her to a LTC & rehab. Six weeks postop (11/5) she dislocated the hip again, meaning another week in the hospital, more sedation to reduce the dislocation, and juggling schedules to sit with her (must be supervised), but I hired night sitters each time. The last 2 days she was at the hospital I had to hire day sitters because I can barely walk now. She's back at the LTC Rehab, on flat bed rest for 3 weeks minimum or more, wearing a bilateral leg wedge along with a bucks traction to keep her from moving the leg.

I have been having severe pain in my left hip socket on & off for 1-2 years, but it flared up with stepmom's latest hospitalization. It painfully pops & clicks, and feels like it's moving out of place. I finally saw my orthopedist Friday and he says he thinks I have Avascular Necrosis of the hip joint, so he's getting an MRI the day before Thanksgiving, and I find out the results the 30th. I'm in terrible pain, unlike anything ever before, even with all my prior surgeries & fibromyalgia combined. He alluded to multiple meds I am or have taken being a possible cause, including gabapentin & my asthma steroids. Oh yay! With my Fibromyalgia Sjogrens OA and hypothroidism it's going to be difficult for me to heal he said, but I may need a total hip replacement. I've been reading up on AVN and treatment and recovery, and it's also a very debilitating recovery. I'm worried I might not heal from it. I'm worried how my husband will handle the household. Worry worry worry. And I haven't even grieved losing my Dad in May because of all this. My psychiatrist told me Wednesday to take care of myself or I will end up in the hospital. I don't know, maybe it would be a vacation.

So I hadn't seen my stepmom since Wednesday evening as I've been resting myself. But my hubby and I went today. She was barely chewing her food (being spoon fed by staff), and it was like it was taking all her energy to eat. She would stop between bites and sigh then breathe deep then turn toward the spoon for more food. After eating she fell asleep and her breathing was very rapid and shallow. We stayed a little longer but it was very depressing because she can't carry on a conversation, and no longer responds when we talk about things to her.

I can feel depression taking hold of me and it worries me. I don't want to have Thanksgiving or Christmas. I don't want to be with people. I just lose myself in reading and watching TV. We were suppose to go see our daughter in TX in October, when my stepmom dislocated the first time. Now she and her boyfriend plan to come here with their dogs and his daughter Christmas (a few days). I want to feel excited but really just dread it. I feel like we need to decorate the house and I'm just not up to it. I haven't felt this low in over 20 years. And it's very hard for me because I've always been an upbeat positive person most of my life. I am becoming a stranger to myself, and I don't like it. 😢

Nov 10, 2018 3:36 PM

I'm so sorry FlappysLady81. I always like hearing from you (reading your comments). You are always so encouraging to everyone and I missed hearing from you the time you were gone. I'm sure your family will understand about how little or more you decorate. You've had a lot on your plate. You need to take care of YOU! You deserve it. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I plan to decorate a little.

Nov 10, 2018 6:30 PM

Oh FlappysLady81, I’m so very sorry to hear your news. At this point there is nothing you can do for your step mom except be there when you are able to. You must focus on yourself. You are no good to anyone else if you are in constant pain and can’t even take care of yourself. Tell your Daughter the truth about your condition ( physical/psychological) and suggest she come another time until you are able to deal with your taking care of your new condition. No need to take it all on yourself. Have you considered going for some counseling?! You’ve got an awful lot of stressors in your life right now. If anything you can talk and maybe have A cry or two. Helps sometimes. I’ve read many of your entry’s over the years and believe me when I say, you are not being selfish if your putting your health first. Your a very caring and compassionate person with a lot to offer the world. Please get help I would hate to see you withdraw into that lonely world of deep depression. I know dear because when I lost my twin sister many years ago there were many things going on in my life and I crumbled from the weight of the world into that oblivion. I don’t want to see that happen to you.😘

Nov 10, 2018 9:02 PM

Flappys, I can understand the pain of you are going through, you and everyone here where my rock when I found out my Aunt has Cancer and they couldn’t do anything about it,I was constantly pushing myself way to far because I felt I really didn’t have a choice, Don’t forget your family is thier to help you and take that burden off you and let you take care of YOU! We will be here for you in anyway possible like you were for me back then. You have my prayers and love 💕 anytime you want to talk we’re here! 😘

Nov 11, 2018 5:43 PM

I'm so sorry *hugs* I know it's so hard at the minute but I always believe there has to be light once the dark passes. You have been such a pillar to a lot of people on the site and I will be thinking of you, sending prayers and love 🙏

Make sure you have 'selfish' moments (I know you're not used to that!) where you do something for you. Take time out and think about you and your health. If you ever need to talk, vent or laugh we will all be here for you.

God bless 🌹

Take care

Love Hayley x

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