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Feeling very depressed and have lots of anxiety...

Jun 21, 2017 1:04 AM

I have been super upset today just staying home drives me insane but that's all my body can do... I always have pain and im still recovering from last week which was a busy one... I feel bad because my hubby works all day every day and comes home and has to help me and take care of me... And I'm moody and I want to get out of the house and he just wants time to himself which he deserves so im trying to be a good wife and let him have his night to himself but its so hard I cant hold still all my normal at home activities arent making me happy which is the depression talking. I tried to sleep it off but eneded up having a bad panic attack that even a blanket touching me freaked me out.
I bet you guys all understand not being able to help out or do what you want or needs to be done because of your chronic pain. I don't even know if what the doctors are doing is helping or making it worse.
I feel like I'm their medication tester and if it fails which it always dose it some how my fault like your stressing or you need to make your depression and anxiety better.. Which makes no sensse because 4 years ago i never had depression i hardly even got sad... I was independent and always on the go. I feel like my life got ripped out from under me and everything kept going except i keep getting worse. We all get the you look fine or im sure it will get better. Or my favorite... Dont you just get use to the pain... Umm no... Thats not a thing you dont get use to severe pain.. Or all the medication side effects or the non medication treatments that take all your energy. My mom basically wants nothing to do with me thats another story and she can't take my headaches she blames my husband if I get worse even if its not anything to do with him.
Sorry guys i just need people to talk to I'm having one of those days where you feel hopless and useless and defeated by the pain. I still dont even have a name for my headaches. They are not migraines although sometimes I wish only for the fact to remember what no pain felt like... Why do people think if your not in the er or the hospital that your fine. A lot of my friends who i usually avoided because they dont understand always tell me at least it wont kill you its not cancer...
Well at least cancer you know the pain will end. I could never say any of these things to friends or family because they think if i say these things I'm depressed and suicidal which I'm not. is it just how you think when your in pain... Or is it just me?
Anyways if you read this your a trooper for reading this long rant. But any helpful postive advice or just knowing I'm not alone is helpful right now.

Jun 21, 2017 6:47 AM

You're not alone lauralei. We all understand. Vent here all you want.

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