It seems I have burned a few bridges with people because of my pain. My flare ups have become more intense and more frequent and I turn to friends, family, and fb to vent. Not for pity but for prayers. For sympathy and empathy. So everyone knows what I'm going through and not to expect greatness from me on those days because getting out of bed and muddling through the day is hard enough. I've been unfriended from fb by some, others ask if I'm ever okay (sarcastically).
Unfortunately that is my life now. I can't help it. I take my meds regularly and I work and try to be active but it is what it is. I'm doing my part to not be miserable believe me. But I'm in pain all the time. On good days I'm a 3-4 but the fibromyalgia has affected not only my muscles externally but also internally, making it hard to breathe during flare ups (8-10 on a pain scale) because my chest tightens up. I have irritable bowl syndrome (IBS) on top of endometriosis and polycistic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) so my "baby making factory is broken" and my gut/uterus/ovaries usually hurt. Did I mention I'm on meds for that too? Of course I am!
Apparently fibromyalgia can do a number on allergies too. I don't know the connection but I can attest to it. I've never struggled with allergies. Now I have to go through a whole allergy med regimen in order to not have an asthma attack when I go to clients' houses. I'm on Rx flonase, singulair, arnuity, and I have a rescue inhaler and I still need to take OTC allergy meds like Claritin D during high allergen days. I have chronic sinus infections that feel like my head is going to explode and my face and jaw have been hit by a sledgehammer. I get sick easier and stay sick longer. Lucky me!
I'm exhausted because I usually can't sleep for the pain and then when I do fall asleep I wake up throughout the night because I feel paralyzed and can't move. It feels like my spine has solidified in my sleep. it hurts to change positions or my arm is numb or the whole half of my body is numb from my belly button down. I'm forgetful, sometimes words just escape me and I tell Bub things like, "put your dirty laundry in the...the...the...the fridge." When they say you experience fibro-fog it's a real thing! I used to think it was all BS but it's not unfortunately.
It sucks. Literally. It literally sucks the life out of you. I don't know if fibromyalgia is my only issue. I'm waiting to get an MRI done to see if there's something going on with my back or if it's just muscular because of the fibro. Rheumatology says no RA, no Lupus. Only osteoarthritis of the spine and fibromyalgia. I don't know.
I don't even know what my point is in writing this. I guess it's because I can't sleep (as usual) and I want to be understood. I try not to be a burden or a complainer in real life and I think I do a pretty good job of getting through it with a smile on my face but my fb and my people are where I let my walls down and take off the mask and i get frustrated when they just don't get it.