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Feb 25, 2018 8:29 AM

can someone help me with this topic? I have fibro an its been progressively getting worse over the course of 3 yrs. my husband at first denied anything wrong with me an claimed i was just looking for attention. he didnt offer massages ( when i was in pain ). then times he would say I love you an rub my hurtin feet but jus as fast he would stop. i would ask for rubs an he would say ( you know angel rubbing you hurts my hands ). i have staggered around the house like i have MS from my feet hurting.
( like cleaning the house ). an whatnot. he dont acknowledge it. he has blammed me for debt due to nuerology appoints
( before i was diagnosed ) . the nuerologist thought i had neuropathy. anyway.. he says things like how frustrating it is for him an how can one day i be ok an the next im not. he has saide dont know what to think about me. last nite when i was having terrible pain in my legs an my feet sweeled an it put me down...he went all day without askin me whats goin on with me.
( i tryed to talk to him bout it, but got the vibe that he didnt want to hear it ). I honostly feel his energy is not of wanting to hear bout it or deal with it. now when i ask for rubs on my feet he barely trys. an most certainly never offers! I need support from him. an to save money running out for massages, i look for him to help me. i was attending PT an he again balmmed me for debt. alrhough it was 25.00 a visit w/ insurance. 50.00 for nuerology an a few bigger co pays on MRI’s. im to my wits end. he says i was not like this when we met 3 yrs ago. an he said everytime he turns around im in pain an down. I aint sure if i suppose to b supporting him an am i bien selfish?? how can he claim so much frustration when the activities i once enjoyed are of a major decision if i wanna go 4 wheeling or fishing or hunting an suffer the concequences for 2 days after. an the fact that i am a heavy equipment operator for 17 yrs an now im stuck at home contiplating ( disability ). my whole life is upside down an HES FRUSTRATED!! he has never ever said
( angel i bet this is very frustrating for you ). i know he loves me but to me he not very supportive in this time.😒

Feb 25, 2018 10:06 AM

You are not being selfish. It's 100% normal to go through a range of emotions when you or a loved one are diagnosed with a life-long condition. Both of you are going through an extremely rough time right now. Have you thought of going to counselling together? It would help both of you to communicate better, and help both of you to understand each other's frustrations, wants and needs better. He may not understand Fibromyalgia very well, and even if he does understand Fibromyalgia, it's hard for "normal" people (even family) to understand how hard it truly is to live with chronic pain.

Feb 25, 2018 10:43 AM

I was like your husband until I broke my back. I'm so stubborn that it was likely the only thing that could make me understand my wife's pain. thank God for his sense of humor and not letting me go on without better understanding unseen pain. Now my wife and I hobble around together.

Feb 25, 2018 10:52 AM

thank yall for yalls replies!
as far as counceling goes thats also a thing that he makes a big deal about cause it to requires him to spend money. also he has let me know that its not him that needs any councel. he said “quote”.. (the counselor and I would only work together to figure out yur problem angel).😧😧. so yuh counseling is not a option. an i aint gonna have him perswading a counselor that him an that person need to tag team me. my husband is very self boasting an does not feel he need anyone in his business an certainly not anyone to say he need give me support.

Feb 25, 2018 12:53 PM

If I may, I’d like to share something that brought me and my husband through some rough patches when my fibro was debilitating. Sincere gratitude. Start taking note of the things your husband does for you, and then offer a sincere compliment about it.

For example:

“These doctor bills are putting us in debt”
You reply with, “I know, it’s awful. I can’t imagine what I’d ever do without your understanding and support. You’re amazing.”

“You’re not the same person you were three years ago.”
“I know. Neither are you. You are so much more compassionate and understanding. It really touches me.”

Any time he does something for you, give him a huge smile and say thank you.

Consider this response to the request for a good massage: “I know it hurts your hands, it’s just that when it’s you rubbing me I get so turned on.”

It sounds like you’re both understandably caught up in how this has changed your life that you might be missing some opportunities to grow together. Give it a try.

Feb 25, 2018 1:24 PM

thank yu for tha advice! i have tryed these things to no prevail. he wants more sex an i aint feelin it cause i ache. i tell him if he could jus rub me it would stimulate me an help me to relax. he comments that he is not my personal massage therapits. an says that when he has aches an pains he dont ask me for rubs. yuh like i said.. im at my wits end!!

Feb 25, 2018 1:26 PM

an as far as tha dr bills goes. he feels i complain with pain to gain attention. he has told me this. an so spending money at tha dr aggravates him to no end. cause he thinks literally thinks im faking!!!! 😩😩😩😩

Feb 25, 2018 1:56 PM

That's a tough situation. Do you pray? It's the only thing I know to do when I can't get someone to understand a different situation. Sometimes it takes a very long time. Before my back break I was very frustrated by my wife's back pain, very similar to yours. I felt like she was pulling us down and I prayed for a long time for her to recover. God's sense of humor came when I broke my back. Go figure... Now I love her more than ever.

Feb 25, 2018 2:44 PM

Sorry hun sounds to me like he is the problem here not you . Your battling pain every single day plus battling the extra pain from his added stress that makes every pain just that much worse im super sorry hun but from what im reading he is the problem here not you sweetheart ❤ stay strong sweets 💪💪

Feb 25, 2018 2:46 PM

yeti.. what would of happend if not for gods humor?

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