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Freaked out by going to the docs

Oct 21, 2015 1:56 AM

Okay, so in thinking aloud at 2:45 am because of my pain. I think I can officially say that at this point, after going through hell this year, that any touch(good or bad) is freaking me out. I was inappropriately touched by my PCP numerous years ago(yes, has been dealt with). But now, it just sort of leaves me with this dread EVERY time I go to the doctors office. I have been getting counseling for it, but now I feel brave enough to say it out loud here. I get the feelings of terror more so when I go to the gyn(not so much now), my PCP, the surgeon and the orthos office of all places. Does anyone have any suggestions? I can't be put on anti-anxiety meds(intolerant of most), currently on Zoloft and Inderal for tremors/anxiety.

Oct 21, 2015 2:49 AM

Amanda, there's this thing called fasterEFT and it had helped me through some serious anxiety. I know how i felt when i first saw it, I thought these people are crazy. But I have used the parts of it that calm me down. Basically what it is is using acupressure points to relax the body.

I am very sorry that you're going through this. I have anxiety because of other reasons and I get really freaked out b4 going to the doctor office. This helps.

Also if you'd like to look into it, there is this bach essences that helps with anxiety called "rescue" *something. I can't remember exactly what is called but it comes in a yellow labeled package. They have it in gum (which I'm allergic to a lot of stuff and i was able to use to gym and it really helped).
But i like the faster eft it worked wonders for me. I need to start keeping up with it and doing it on a daily basis.

Thinking of you. Please let me know how it goes. Do you have my email? I have yours somewhere but I can't find it right off hand. I screen shot it so it should be somewhere. I'll email you in the next couple days. I'll try for tomorrow.

Big hugs

Oct 21, 2015 5:22 AM

Hi Amanda,

I have no words of wisdom. But I am sickened at the idea that a thing would do this to you while in a vulnerable situation, seeing a doctor. A place we are suppose to feel safe.

I am not going to go on about that. What I want to tell you is how proud of you I am. I have had my accident. I had surgeries with these weights on my legs keeping me from going anywhere. Traction.. I had it for three years. I developed panic attacks and eventually didn't leave the house. And look at you. You had this horrible thing happen to you and you go to the gym and to a few doctors. You are a superhero. You are strong. Your gonna get through the rest of this. Just remember how far you have come already. Asking for help is a sign of power too. Take care. Your a good example to me. I need to do better.

Oct 21, 2015 5:35 AM

Profiler, first of all, I just wanted to say thank you. You have no idea how calm that has made me this morning, just by hearing those sage words of wisdom. I literally have been up most of the night, freaking out over things I have no control over at this point. Thank you for helping me screw my head back on tightly this morning.
It also amazes me that when I think about it, I really am stronger then I think I am. Giving up trust and control to someone has never been easy, but especially given that trust to a doc has been even doubly hard this year.
Kitty, no not yet. Right now, just trying to get through 1 day at a time without thinking about what next week holds in store. Will touch base with you later on

Oct 21, 2015 8:49 PM

I hope things went well for you today Amanda! Profiler is a very special and wise friend to us all! 🙏🌼

Oct 21, 2015 11:26 PM

Flappys, yes everything went pretty good this morning. She said she wanted to give my body a rest from doing more shots at this point, primarily because of everything else on my plate right now, so will possibly look at more intervention in mid to late November, but not before that, which is perfect for me. Trying to get comfortable right now. Thinking I am not going anywhere today, primarily because I ache and I'm tired. Good night

Oct 22, 2015 6:31 AM

(((Hugs))) & prayers you slept well and today will be a better day! 🙏🌼

Oct 26, 2015 7:03 PM

Try taking a benadryl

Oct 26, 2015 7:29 PM

Sorry you're going through that I do too. Pure terror. I'm an abuse survivor docs included in that abuse. Therapy takes time which sucks. Have you tried ativan? I take that sometimes before I go. I also let the docs know I'm terrified. Some are good about it, some don't give a flying fig and some are just clueless. I wish you all the best. There aren't easy answers unfortunately.

Oct 26, 2015 7:32 PM

I take zanax. It works great.

Oct 26, 2015 7:40 PM

Gibber, no. Ativan makes me a crying mushy mess. Same thing for Xanax. Have just learned to deal with it and muddle through the best I can. And yes, therapy does take time but it seems like the ptsd symptoms start coming out when there is just too much for me to process. I've actually gotten much better about going but it still freaks me out.

Oct 26, 2015 7:43 PM

I am so sorry this has happened to you!!! I'm glad that he got dealt with though!!!
I have had a trauma in my life before as well. Somewhat similar. But one thing that helped me so much (I know people have probably said these things before) but honestly having a "happy place" or just something to think about while your at the doctor. Like your cat, dog, someone you care about. It helps ground my anxiety and my flashbacks a lot. I wish you luck!!!

Oct 26, 2015 7:43 PM

Also!! You can request female doctors which might help

Oct 26, 2015 7:45 PM

Jenna, with me, sometimes I can only disassociate myself with the situation which is one of my coping methods. It doesn't always work but it gets me through most anxiety producing procedures.

Oct 26, 2015 7:46 PM

That helps me sometimes too. But make sure you don't fully disassociate yourself because that can affect you pretty badly.

Oct 26, 2015 7:49 PM

I've never fully disassociated myself. I've noticed I'm aware enough to answer questions but not much else for that period of time and I only find myself doing it primarily at the surgeons office and the gyn, and nowhere else.

Oct 27, 2015 4:05 AM

Good. You definitely don't want to be doing that during everyday life.
I wish I could do more for you because I know what's it like to feel like this. But all I can do is hope for you. If you ever wanna talk I'm here!

Oct 27, 2015 4:35 AM

I was on Zoloft didn't like how it made me feel
I take zanax 0.5mgs three times a day. If one doesn't work I can take two at one time. I drive one hour to see my doctor. I take a zanax and a Vicodin 10 mgs before I leave to the doctor. Zoloft is a anxiety drug. Say to yourself these doctors are no better then I am
Make a list of questions before you to the doctor. Make sure he answers all your questions before he leaves the office. I would come right out and ask him if he believes in fibromyalia
If he says no get up and walk out of his office. He is not the doctor for you.

Oct 27, 2015 9:20 AM

Amanda, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You've been through things that nobody should ever have to go through. Know that we are always here for you. If anyone gives you a hard time, let me know and I'll come beat them up!! Nobody messes with my peeps!! 💕🙏🏻🌻

Oct 27, 2015 3:44 PM

Alwayz, I'm actually feeling better about the whole thing right now. Not being awake this morning really did help and helped me to stay really calm. Would I wish this on anyone else, No, but it's just the hand I was dealt.

Oct 27, 2015 4:34 PM

Amanda, I've only been here a short spell, but I have to say that you have a fantastic attitude and outlook. It seems that you've made it through your surgery and are on your way to mending. I'm so very happy for you. Blessings ✌️💜

Oct 29, 2015 11:20 AM

Sorry Jenna, just saw your comment from the 26th. As crazy as this might seem, I actually prefer the guys as I've been with the same gyn since 95 so that's just what I'm comfortable with. I must actually say they are in my opinion, more gentler then the females, but then again that's just me.

Oct 30, 2015 7:25 PM

Hey, hun, Amanda, I'm glad to see you made it through the surgery please be sure not to overdo it. You just had a major organ removed and your body has to readjust everything inside and make accommodations for the "new digs", if you will.

I apologize for not emailing you sooner. Things have been all over the place but I'm back and trying to be present for all my friends here.

Oh so I wanted to mention also that it sounds like you were having pain from that organ before it was removed . And often the pain cycle takes a little bit to settle down. Not to mention when you remove a diseased organ, the body has to adjust to a new way of living. Give yourself time to heal. Everyone heals differently, especially if you've got fibro or other illnesses that impact hope our bodies process pain etc etc etc.

How long since your surgery, Amanda?

Oct 30, 2015 7:32 PM

Kitty, they didn't remove anything. The goal was to go in and see if there was any visible evidence of endometriosis, which there wasn't but he did say before hand that just because there was no evidence of it, doesn't mean it's not there. Kitty, 72 hours post-op as of right now. The pain cycle seems to have slowed down for now, but the muscle spasms in the upper tummy are killer today. Haven't done much of anything besides lay in bed for the past 3 days. I needed the extra rest and sleep apparently.

Oct 30, 2015 7:45 PM

Did he do a hydrodistention and cystoscopy as well to explore the pain? I had wanted to email your about this and ask you about this. So you got a laproscopy and hystoscopy?

Adenomyosis won't show up on that testing but if you have adenomyosis, you can look it up and see if it matches your symptoms.

I'm glad that you don't have endo but it sucks hoping to find answers and only being left with more questions.

Did your doctor give you a biopsy while he did the hystoscopy?

Oct 30, 2015 7:47 PM

And did you get the gas that they expand your belly with? Whew waiting for that swelling to go down too too long.

Oct 30, 2015 7:49 PM

Well that and the bloody discomfort. I kept hoping that maybe they could put me under again to relieve the pain. It took me 6 weeks to recover from that. But I had a really long list of tests done at the same time and a slow healing time.

Oct 30, 2015 8:41 PM

Kitty, I have no idea what he did once I was under. I will find out on the 11th. He only spoke to my mom and that was it. From my impression, I just got a laparoscopy, not a hydrodistention &cystoscopy. I don't even know if a hysteroscopy was done or a biopsy. And yes, getting the damn swelly belly to go down takes forever. I look like I'm about 3-4 months pregnant. Wearing regular jeans, almost impossible right now. It's either shorts, sweatpants or very loose waisted yoga pants. That's it.

Nov 02, 2015 8:14 AM

This is where a service dog comes in handy. If you already have a dog that is attached to you, see about getting him her certified as an emotional support dog. That's what you need. They act as a barrier between you and the Dr. A therapist can certify that you need one. It sounds like you would benefit greatly from one. I'm sorry you were hurt by someone who should have been caring for you. I'm glad it was dealt with. You are way stronger than you give yourself credit for. Think back and see how far you have come. Everyone on this site is stronger than they think they are, considering we are all still fighting like hell to gain back some of what we lost. Please look into the dog. Mine goes everywhere with me.

Nov 02, 2015 8:34 AM

Have you tried rethinking? I don't really know what to call it but I was raped and I started hating and being afraid of all men. I would freak if even accidentally bumped in the store. I had to teach myself or to teach my brain to think differently. I had to stop and realize it was 1 man who did that to me not all men. It was a struggle and a lot of self talk but it worked. I don't think there is a quick fix. I am sorry you had to go through that and I hope you find a way to start the recovery process.

Nov 02, 2015 8:51 AM

Sham, the only real issue that I'm having with it right now is really forcing myself to go to the gyns office for my post-op appointment. Don't get me wrong, I've got a great one, but some days going in that office sends me into melt down central. I hate to go in there on good days, let alone on bad ones. I have found that having a friend or family member go in the exam room with me helps significantly, but does not take away the fear. Actually, really the only time I have not been afraid is when they knocked me out for surgery and I had no idea what he was going to do.

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