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Guilt!!!

Feb 29, 2016 9:34 AM

I have fibro.....and it has been really excruciatingly painful for about the last 2 months.....and I seem to be spiraling ever downwards......but the big issue I am having is about feeling guilty. I feel guilty for being in so much pain that I can't seem to get anything done. I feel guilty to even talk about the pain..... and just overwhelmed with guilt whenever I finally break down and speak of it. I feel guilt if I take the time for any self care. I feel guilt when I ask for help from the doctor for the pain. I just can't seem to get over this. So with the guilt comes stress of course. Just can't seem to get a handle on this. Does anyone out there have guilt issues about their pain??

Feb 29, 2016 9:55 AM

I did. I felt really depressed. I couldn't go to work and felt I was letting everyone down, couldn't manage things at home, so was letting my husband, friends and family down. I just realised I should look after myself first, or I was no help to anybody.

Feb 29, 2016 10:03 AM

thanks scrossy for the reply. I am really trying to work on it....just get overwhelmed with it somedays. I'm a bit ashamed to say that I let it get in the way of getting help sometimes.....well. ...actually quite often.

Feb 29, 2016 10:07 AM

Oh no. I had my family helping me, at least they got to see me at my worst, and was a bit more understanding of what I had to deal with every day. Lost my job and felt even lower, but I could take my time doing the daily chores, so I felt I had achieved something, and I could keep myself moving so I didn't seize up. But if you need help, ask for it, also makes you realise who your friends are...

Feb 29, 2016 10:43 AM

I have the guilt. I never really thought of it like that but I definitely feel bad and I am fearful all time. Fearful that I'm not doing enough to contribute to the family. Feeling as if my pain is causing issues with my family and causing them stress. I go through my days mentally training myself to be happy don't show pain be happy laugh no matter what. And of course it blows up. So I definitely know how u feel.

Feb 29, 2016 10:50 AM

I am the same with the smiling and trying not to show the pain i am in. I have a teenage daughter.....and I feel so horrid and guilty that she has to watch me struggle just to walk somedays. Plus....she is a teen.....you know....convinced she hates me anyways lol. But she has had to watch me since she was little.....and somedays I think to myself " no wonder she hates me".

Feb 29, 2016 10:51 AM

Now I have to get her to tie my shoe laces. I just feel it is so unfair to her.

Feb 29, 2016 10:53 AM

Well I'm.sure she does not hate u. But I know the feeling. I wish we could all know the purpose of us going through this. So we could just get through it. And why does financial difficulties have to a part of it. If we had adequate income the pain would. somewhat more bearable.

Feb 29, 2016 10:59 AM

I've had to start doing pitiful jobs at home, you would think in this day and age there would be more opportunities to work from home. Never been on the state before, boggles my head

Feb 29, 2016 11:10 AM

Our teens do love us, even when they "hate" us. Take heart. She may be growing in empathy in ways her peers cannot.
Teens are hormonal, confused and judgement impaired, they can't help it. Their bodies are betraying then by changing without warning and without their permission -- kind of like ours, only ours really are on the attack -- maybe that could be a talking point?

Feb 29, 2016 11:10 AM

Oh..pleas don't get me started.it's awful. Trying to find ways to make money for the family is a hugh stresser . and disability claims are a headache.

Feb 29, 2016 11:20 AM

Newfibrogirl. ....she truly does fight off any empathy she may have been gifted with but truly I can't blame her. One thing I do know for sure is she is scared she is going to develop fibro. She is downright scared...and when she is scared it makes her angry. Unfortunately. ...with the pain and fatigue ....I can admit that I don't have a such patience as I should have at times.

Feb 29, 2016 12:23 PM

Me too..my patience has definitely gotten short. And for me I feel.my mom gets afraid because she feels she gave me fibromyalgia. For me its hereditary since two of my uncles have fibromayalgia. So my mom gets frustrated she fought it for a long time and refuses to even hear anything the Dr has to say. And when the Dr said I may have Lupus is when mom really lost it.

Feb 29, 2016 2:14 PM

I totally struggle with guilt. I feel like a burden so I always do more than I should and am able at times. I even started a business because I can't work outside our home. Now with that I have to drag Hubby to the market with me because I can't do it all on my own. I have no family help at all ( estranged and out of province). I hardly know anyone where we live. We live outside of the nearest city so it's even harder to get around. I can't afford a cleaning person and after a year and a half of trying to get through to my doc that something is really wrong he's just started to believe me because my finger turned blue in front of him. So I don't think he'd get how much I need help. It sucks. It's lonely and only sees the pain I live with. Side note: Does anyone else have Raynaud's? If so, are willing to chat?

Feb 29, 2016 2:33 PM

Scossy! I can help! I sell Pure Romance!💗 check out my website www.pureromance.com/lauriemiller -- my contact info is there & you or any other woman over 18 that would like the opportunity to work from home, can contact me!... Super easy & Super fun too! I don't know if this is allowed & I am not wanting to break any rules!

Feb 29, 2016 2:44 PM

As for guilt, like newfibrogirl, I never really looked at it as guilt either. I have changed the way I looked at it over time. First it was shock! Then denial! Then my world was going to end with no hope whatsoever! Then it had morphed into everyone has to help me so I can suffer alone! Needless to say, it took many many months in an emotional dark abyss, for me to pull out of my world coming to an end. Recently, I married a man that doesn't believe my pain is as bad as it is- until I took him with me to one of my pain management appts. Anyway, for months I did as much as I could & then some. The past 2 months I can barely do anything. I feel like a bump on a log some days, but most days I don't. We do the best we can with what's in front of us. 💗

Feb 29, 2016 3:01 PM

I don't think our caregivers understand this part lo g with all the rest. I've been asked why do u feelnunr a bother and for me if I start talking about it I start crying and I'd I cry it brings on more physical and mental pain. There really is a need for more outward understanding

Feb 29, 2016 5:10 PM

I have major guilt. Unfortunately it is one of the signs of depression or so they tell me. We can't plan anything because I never know how I will feel. I can't work, can't clean house and pretty much feel like I can't participate in life. When we do go out we are limited by me. It completely sucks. I have a 10 year old and I feel like I am ruining his life because when I am to sick he can't even play outside with his friends. Because I can't work my husband puts in a lot of hours. We have lost everything and we're homeless for a time. I recommend a counselor because the guilt can make you break down if you are not careful. I know i have snapped numerous times.

Feb 29, 2016 6:55 PM

Jinxy, I think all of us have gone through feelings of guilt, especially at the beginning. I've had chronic issues over 25 years, but lived a fairly normal, healthy functioning life until 2007-2008. My health started downhill then but steamrolled after surgery in 2010. I no longer work, can't help asking parents, can barely take care of my own needs, and I still feel guilty. I'm in counseling due to that, depression, and anxiety. It's not taking away the guilt. It's helping see things differently and find new ways to cope. Hugs, love, & prayers you can find ways to cope too! 🙂💕🙏🌼

Feb 29, 2016 10:13 PM

Guilt: is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realizes (accurately or not) that he/she has compromised his/her own personal standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation. It is closely related to the concept of remorse. How guilty are we really? Or do we Feel guilty because that's what we think we should feel.? Are you or anyone dealing with chronic pain have such a low sense of self worth ? Does having a low self worth because of our life style changes due to chronic pain feeds the GUILT? We are bound only but how rigid we think being a human being is "suppose" to live, how orderly we have to keep our homes, how much money we contribute to our families...guilt feeds on our delusions and fears... We have chronic pain. Somehow , we feel "guilty" for having disease processes that interfere with our ability to be like all the other normal people. That's rigid/ delusional thinking.... Don't do GUILT. Do something different, for example, quit kicking your own ass for being sick and in chronic pain.we have not violated any standards of moral conduct by becoming a chronic pain sufferers. Let's give ourselves a break if not now do it every once in a while at least...that's a start. I believe everyone else who bears witness to the emotional change in us will stop kicking us as well. Much love to all Catchmypain warriors. Terri

Feb 29, 2016 11:24 PM

Wise words Terri. I would add one thing for me . . . not to feel guilty for feeling guilty. All the best to you.
Smiles

Mar 01, 2016 12:52 AM

From a man's perspective, a dealt with a lot of guilt because of being the sole provider of my house, trying to be an example of teaching my children how to work, there were times that I was not able to pay my bills until my disabilty insurance came through. I am sure it is not much different for mothers. Mothers even have more of a role in their children's lives. But I was the primary in my children's lives with giving them emotional support. Before my accident, I use to make dinner fore them four times a week. I would read or sing them to sleep. I would play with them every evening or snuggle with them. After my accident, I felt so guilty that I wasn't able to do most of those things. My leg stayed broke for at least four years. The bedroom was on the second floor and I had devices on me. So all the interaction I had on me kept me from getting real close to them. I was so high on pain killers that all I did for a couple years was say I am sorry. I had a doctor that was severely overdosing me on painkillers. He had me on 3 100 mg of Fentynal patches at a time and 60 mg of oxycodone every 6 hours. I didn't know that was bad. I had my kids tieing my shoes, helping with cleaning my wounds and changing dressings when they got older. They were pushing me around in a wheelchair all the time. It was really hard because my mom used to have me do that because she faked that she had cancer and heart problems and I said to myself I would never have my children do those things for me. And then, I went back on my word because I needed it. But the guilt was so severe. The only thing that got me through was asking myself, how would I want my wife or children to feel if I had to help them. So I used reverse psychology on myself. So there is my long story. Sorry.

Mar 01, 2016 1:07 AM

You are an inspiration. Keep on talking here. It does help.

Mar 01, 2016 2:43 AM

Oh profiler ...thank you for sharing. I will keep the reverse psychology in mind. I have to get my kid to tie my shoes and pick up things off the floor for me....cause right now I just can't do it. And it just seems wrong that my kid should have to take care of me at all. At least not at this age. I am having problems with my teen. She can say the most incredibly cruel things. I'm a single mom on disability...depression and anxiety issues along with the fibro of course .. .the prescriptions I take aren't covered....so there is not a lot of money to be thrown around. But the kid will say stuff like" if you were a normal mom...." or " you don't do anything....oh wait...that's right .....you can't" or " why don't you go check yourself into tje psyche ward" wit all the nastiness she can muster. Needless to say we are in counseling together. I get that she is angry....and I get that it all scares her. It's not fair to her.....but .....we all know that life is not always fair. But I must say she doesn't do my stress levels any good to say the least. Wow...I think I just kind of vented!!! Lol.😏

Mar 01, 2016 6:03 PM

Thank you all for sharing. I've felt a massive amount of guilt over the past four year and it's gotten worse since I've been off work over the last 5 months. I'm actually in tears reading your posts. I'm not alone with my inability to do things I think I should. I'm not alone in feeling incredible guilt. Again, thank you for this post and for the responses.

Mar 01, 2016 6:22 PM

That's for sure.dlwc ur not alone here. We all know how u feel in some way or another.

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