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Guilt over comprehension and delivery

Aug 19, 2016 4:22 PM

So we all know about the fog and how difficult it is to deal with. Most times we have enough hard times with understanding our own world. So how do we enter into trying to give understanding. I live with my parents and my dad was in bad health but he slowly coming back. I'm so happy for thst. But now he has been having issues with simple task like answering his phone.this issues has been over a year. And I've went over the process of how to answer your phone. More times then i know. Before the issue was his flip phone slipped out his hand.so we got him a smart phone and program it to voice activated. But he never uses his phone so it switch back to default.
So now my health is slipping and my frustration about my own issues are over taking me and my mom.makes.me.feel guilty for not being patient enough to go through the process daily with dad about how to answer the phone. And yes. It's annoying and time consuming. And I just csnt do it.
I've asked mom if he is truly not understand how to do this or is something else happening.
Any advice or tips

Aug 19, 2016 8:19 PM

Newfibrogirl, how old did you say your dad was? I think I remember you saying he went through cancer treatments. I'm not saying your dad's has dementia or Alzheimer's, but if he's having memory issues with basic daily functions, maybe you should mention it to his doctor. What you are describing sounds exactly like my dad's memory issues started.

My dad had to go through radiation seed implants to his liver cancer in 2004 (74 yo), followed by 2 major total knee replacements in 2005 & 2006. The first one didn't take and set off his A-fib so badly that they nearly opened his chest to shock his heart. Instead they tried an unproven medication injection that carries high & unknown risks. He started showing cognitive issues afterwards. Then in 2007 they did a second radiation seed implants, followed by total shoulder replacement in 2012 (82 yo). Now he suffered cognitive dysruption syndrome (Google it) and started with serious personality changes. By 2014 he had Alzheimer's diagnosed. Following treatment at Mayo in 2014 his mental function and reasoning ability started declining more rapidly. In the last 2 years he can no longer use any technology device without assistance. And we are constantly having to reshow him. He messed up his medications. Recently he put deisel fuel in a electronic cart for farm use and nearly blew the motor up; drove 100 mp down the highway; you're apart the tractor motor thinking he knew how to fix it; beat at a valve with his cane thinking he had a hammer. And the real kicker was he accidentally shot a hole in the bedroom floor, missing my stepmom by only 6 feet! He won't let us take the guns from the house but he also hasn't gone near them himself. He still has enough sense to sometimes comprehend but not always. Sometimes we can go over it again and again, but it just doesn't penetrate. He's 86 now and other than Alzheimer's, A-FIB, joints & spine pain, he's healthy. His mom lived to 95 with Alzheimer's.

It's very hard watching a loved one change mentally before our eyes. And there's nothing anyone can do but be patient and reinforce things. I wrote simple instructions for the phone, his tablet, and the TV. But we gave up on the bank account and computer. We wait for him to ask for help too. It takes a lot for my dad, who was once a corporate manager over 100s of employees, to ask anyone for help. Your dad's situation may be very different from my dad, but the spinner the doctors know what's going on the sooner you may know what & hope to deal with. Sadly it's true, the saying that we all revert to child like behaviors if we live long enough. Even God says so in the Bible. It's like raising another child. Hugs love & prayers for strength, wisdom to know how, and patience to help him! πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΈπŸ˜˜

Aug 19, 2016 8:27 PM

Flappys..my dad is 82 and yes the strong he gets now that he is remission the more mischief he get into . We've had to take and hide all keys to the car and we dint really leave him alone for long. My dad has gone through a lot. So it's scary to think. something else could be wrong but ur right the sooner we know the sooner we can desl with it. I
I'm scared because I also think the smart thing f is happening with my mom only here symptoms manifest as anger and aggregation and control . But one thing at a time. One thing at a time..

Aug 19, 2016 9:27 PM

I totally understand. It's happening to our stepmom too. Big ((((hugs)))!

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