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Had my feelings hurt unintentionally yesterday

Aug 15, 2016 5:31 AM

One would think that people would just learn to accept that I am working on getting better. Wait, let me back up on that.
Was sitting at church yesterday, trying to get my thoughts together.
An older member of the congregation asked me, "Amanda, are you finally feeling better? And you better not tell me no." At first, I didn't answer that question. I tried to put it in the nicest words possible. It just really pissed me off.
I looked at her and said, "Unfortunately no, I'm not feeling better. My condition will require neurosurgery before it gets better." I think she felt badly about saying that, because she didn't say another word to me for the rest of the service or after. I really had a hard time with saying that out loud, but sometimes I don't think people think before they speak. Also, I try to educate people about my condition, but some just really don't want to know or don't have time to listen.
Well, must get ready for appointment this morning. Hopeful to be released from pelvic floor PT this morning. Yes, I have already been released by PT, I just have to do the follow up with my gyn at 10 am. TTYL

Aug 15, 2016 5:44 AM

I'm sorry you were hurt. People often don't realise how insensitive they are being... Hopefully that's all the case is here ๐Ÿ’œ

Aug 15, 2016 5:50 AM

Hi, I'm new here and have newly diagnosed issues, but I know others that are in pain also and have no expectations of getting rid of it. what would be appropriate things to say? I don't want to inadvertently hurt someone.

Aug 15, 2016 5:56 AM

๐ŸŒทSuch a shame sweetie... โš˜
but unless someone actually lives with ur condition...๐Ÿค” they have no idea how๐Ÿ˜ฏ hurtful their words can really be.

Just ...๐Ÿ˜‰Pick urself up... dust urself off (shoulder-flicks each side) ๐Ÿค—and just know... she dint mean it... she just doesnt know the severity of her words! ๐Ÿค— It happens to me all the time!

๐Ÿค—Apparently im not allowed to be jovial... because im in pain! โœŒUtter bullshit! ๐Ÿค—

Aug 15, 2016 6:03 AM

Hi Funp...๐Ÿค— so nice to meet uโš˜
Welcome to the community ๐Ÿค—

๐Ÿค” Asking questionsโš˜ and showing interest and empathy... not asuming u know how they feel.. just asking if their day is good is nice ๐ŸŒทand being attentive to their answers ๐Ÿค—

Does that help ๐Ÿ˜š

Aug 15, 2016 6:26 AM

lulabel, Yes thank you.

Aug 15, 2016 10:38 AM

Hey, Amanda I was wondering where you have been. Glad to see you posting,but sorry to see that you someone at church didn't think before they spoke. My husband does that , not intentionally but he does because he just wants me to feel better, and I think in his mind that if he says that stuff that it will happen and I will get better. Prayer's for you Amanda, Praying everything with your surgery goes well, love to you my friend and prayer's and a Hugh hug to get you through your day๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŒž. Remember" Just be Held" God is in this though at times we may not see it, or why he is putting us through the things he is.

Aug 15, 2016 2:38 PM

Mopar, it would be nice if we could even get to the referral for the neurosurgeon. My neurologist just keeps jerking me around with it already. I've already asked him twice about it and then he back tracks with it. They can't do anything more for me medically with the pseudotumor from what he has explained to me. I keep telling him I'm ready, but he refuses to listen.

Aug 15, 2016 3:03 PM

I know how this feels. (๏พ‰ะ”`) people are only aware of what they see. Keep that in mind when u see your friends and fam. What helps me put things into perspective is reminding myself that God doesn't want us to be happy, he wants us to be strong. When u feel someone is quickly judging, remember that they do not walk your path, they are walking on theirs. Why explain your path to others when they are not going that way? Keep your head up, and do what works, and stop what doesn't. โœŠ๐Ÿ’Ž

Aug 15, 2016 6:10 PM

Amanda, I think you answered her in the best possible way and that is all you can do. It is easier to cope with people like that when you remember that they really don't realise how obnoxious they are being.

It is like when people walk up to me and tell me to smile. They are looking for confirmation that everything is ok and honestly think that if I would just smile I would feel better. Of course, I am not a performing monkey, so I do not smile on demand, but I also try not to take their comments to heart.

Their lack of understanding is their issue, not mine. Nor yours either. โ˜บ

Aug 16, 2016 4:14 PM

Amanda, your answer was more than polite. I know how you feel. Just last week a family member said, "Well I'm positive this surgery is going to take care of everything going on, and you'll finally be on the road to recovery for good." Um, this neck surgery has nothing to do with many (the majority) of my other problems. Because I know how this person thinks I simply responded, "well not likely but it's a start." I know they meant well, but some people simply can't help what comes out of their mouth! ๐Ÿค” Lol. Hugs love & prayers the rest of your week goes well! ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ™๐ŸŒธ

Aug 16, 2016 4:15 PM

I meant to say, they meant well in trying to be positive & supportive

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