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Have you heard, I am crazy! 😱

Feb 10, 2015 5:05 PM

I have continued to be in terrible pain with these muscles. The nodules or growths or whatever they are just kep getting worse. I thought I just broke out due to pain in those areas. The nodules were like the like those circular tummies that are ruff on top. Then when I flexed my muscle, something like the size of half of a toothpick but as wide as two of them would rise out of that. They now have turned to mush but the have left these holes in my muscles.

A few days later, another few hundred growths developed on me. These were really wierd. They like colonized in cluster groups all over on the right side. They to were part of the muscle and would turn very firm. It caused a ton of pain but I could not keep my muscles active. When I flexed. I would take nearly half a minute to get them to to start rising. So the idea that they this was chronic regional pain star syndrome is gone unless it was just a brief epiisode. A few weeks, I under stand is very short term. I am not better yet. My pain was an 8 but it has reduced about 30%.

The problem I have found when dealing with these doctors. The nodules are deep. I will tell the doctor that and my wife. But when I tell them where it is, they can never feel them because they leave ,there hand straight and swipe across my arm like they are comforting me. I finially got my primary doctor yesterday. She was on vacation. I explained everything to her. I will say the last time I left the office they may have seen that I had some tears running down my eyes.

So my doctor gets back and I was in a lot of stressed. I was desperate for an answer on this. I wanted relief and to figure out what was going on with me. I was desperate for answers and she could hear that in my letter. So after my wife and the doctors not feeling the nodules, she sent me an email telling me that I have been under a lot of stress. She recommend this new psychiatrist Who was suppose to be really good. Then she offered to have a shared meeting with me with him. That has made me very sad. It is so hard to put up with kind of pain. You go into them with three lidocaine patches on one arm and you dare not try to move. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tommorow anyway. I told her all this pain had been hard to deal with. So I was going to him to see if he can change my anti-depressant to another one tha t miss suppose to be good for dealing with pain. I think the only reason a person a person would act distressful if there was really not a medical problem would be for attention. I told her they should use reasoning skills and realize I don't need attention. Besides the diagnosis of agoraphobia which sort of goes against that type of behavior, And also that I have plenty of attention because when this pain subsides, I will be able to look forward to feeling the pain that has always been their and that is chronic too. So I get a lot of attention that I really want.

So maybe I am interpreting this wrong. Maybe I am being overly sensitive. I just hoped my word was good enough. I figured that despite being in progressively more pain over the years, I have never asked for an increase in pain medication. I have worked at being objective for the most part. I know our emotion does effect our health from time to time. But this feels like a suggestion that my emotions ar creating an illness. I hate tht because I always figured if I do not have anything else going good in my body. I at least have my mind. It fails me time to time from illness but when I come to, it is in tact. Well, that is enough whining for me tonight. Now I will try to.let it go. I just had to tell someone. I hope you all are feeling as well as you can and keeping awa from the flu.

Feb 10, 2015 5:23 PM

I have not dealt with anything close to what you have recently. Though through my short journey into this so far I get the felling from some doctors that I am crazy as well. Especially when they look at me and say you shouldn't be in pain or we can't find anything wrong with you.

Hope things start going better for you and they get you some answers.

Feb 10, 2015 7:14 PM

Profiler, Have you looked at the LifeScience website? They have some really good info on the lymph system. Is it possible you may be having a lymph system issue?

Feb 10, 2015 7:15 PM

BTW...doctors generally send patients to psych docs so they feel like they're helping, when they're really at a total loss of what is happening. Praying for you!

Feb 11, 2015 3:08 AM

New Update! I thought those nodules were going to stop at my back. It looked like the collar bone was stopping them from going further. It didn't hold them back. It was able to move past there and up my neck and riight at the beginning of my head. My family just said. I am sure you will be fine. It was my wife. She said it like it was the common cold. I just said yea your right, everyone is comfortable with things growing and traveling throught their bodies. Especially when it causes you enormous pain and have no idea what it is and don't know the outcome.

So I am getting to the point where I am not handling the unknown very well. Thank goodness I have an appointment with my own psychiatrist later today. I am not handling things well. That is not me. I like being in control of things. So when I can't control what is going on with my body. I like the ability. To keep myself calm and to develop a plan. I usually do this minus emotion. Right now, I feel clouded with emotion, the primary being fear. I wish my wife would want to find the answers as much as much as I do. But I feel she is working against me. She dreads the idea of taking me to another doctor. She can't feel the nodules. The problem is that I will pick something up something light and they will turn garden. And when it comes time that I want her to feel it. That I finially got one I think she can feel. By the time I get to her, it has turned soft and squishy but still very painful. So I think she is doubtful. But out of all our years, I have never given her a reason to doubt my words. If I said something was wrong, there was always evidence of it being so. It always turned out something was wrong. I have never given her a reason to doubt it.

Plus, you would think that when she comes over and very lightly puts hER few fingers on my arm to comfort me, and I jump up high like the pain is pushing me through roof, and the fact that I either lie down or sit in a chair without trying to move an inch.

I don't think I have a lot more ln me as far as mental resources. I am drained and very tired. In the past four days, I have been only able to get 5 hours sleep. It is like I am aware all the time but I am hallucinating my family's voices when they are not around for a conversation. I imagine them talking and asking me questions. I will start answering the supposedly asked question in a light voice, then at some point every time, I will make sure that they are in fact in the room with me. I never hallucinate visually. But I don't think I can handle this much longer. I am not that strong at present. Bye guys!

Feb 11, 2015 8:18 AM

Hey hey profiler! Do you like your psychiatrist? My experience working in the mental health field is that psychiatrists usually just talk with you a bit and prescribe medications where a counselor or therapists are more of a support, empathetic, and will help you with some ways to manage and cope with the pain that is not mediation related. I am a therapist and I have a therapist when I need her!

Feb 11, 2015 10:54 AM

Profiler, not one of us is crazy, not even you. We are just physically, emotionally, and psychologically challenged because we're in constant battles and barely get time to reboot & rejuvenate! Anyone who's never experienced what we go through will never understand. Praying for you to find answers and regain some balance & strength. 🙋

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