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Having a total episode

Mar 30, 2017 6:15 PM

Listen it's no secret I'm coo coo lol.. Seriously this pain in my tummy, I got use to not having It then it happens I'm completely crippled scrambling to find my tummy pills.. All while wanting to die I SAID WANTING, pain so raw rapid like contractions I actually adapted lamas breathing months ago just to help worth the pain and my metal stability cuz them there's my knee other unfixable pain in my tickling ass no one can do anything about... Cuz I hve a cyst behind my knee collecting fluid also this in turn makes my keft foot to knee swell at random only thing I can do take a diuretic flush my system for couple days omg every5 min peeing but it sure works. I'm suppose wear a knee brace I felt AWESOME WHEN THE TWIG BEHIND COUNTER LOOKED AT ME SAID I GUESS THEY JUST DON'T MAKE EM IN UR SIZE 😧😧😧😧WTF 😧😭😭!!! LOOK MISS EYE BLING TALKING BOUT MY SIZE DU TO MEDICATION AMD THE INABILITY TO EXERCISE CUZ I BEEN CHANGING MY DIET AND IM GETTING IN WITH A NUTRITIONIST AS WELL BUT FUCK I LOST 6 LBS 6 I CRIED IM WELLING UP NOW.... I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS BIG EVER.. I ALWAYS BEEN EXTREMLY SENSATIVE ABOUT MY WEIGHT CUZALL MY LIFE I BEEN SICK I HEARD ONCE WE GET UR THYROID REULATED THE WEIGHT MELT OFF OK UM STILL ARGUING AND FIGTING AND CRYING AND BIG AND ITS 15. YEARS LATER STILLLLLLL FIGHTING... WEW... I REALLY TRY TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF, IF U WERE IN A ROOM WITH ME UD HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE I FEEL THIS WAY " MASKS BABY ". I'M BEGINNING MY BATTLE AND I ALREADY FEEL LIKE IM LOOSING I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE OK... I SHOT IN MY HOUSE BEHIND MY FOUR LOCKED AN MY SCREEN DOOR LOCKED CUZ I'M THAT SCARED AND WORRIED I DON'T LIVE IN ABAD NEIGHBORHOOD, IDK PTSD WHAT MY THER RAPIST SAYS I UNDERSTAND HIS AIM I SAY THAT... IM SLOWLY FALLING APART BUT UNLIKE HUMPTY DUMPTY I DON'T HAVE KINGS N HORSES TO PUT ME BACK TOGETHER, SO GOOD LUCK BITCH HERES SOME SCOTCHTAPE AND A COSMO GOOD LUCK!!!!!! the edge.... Wtf

Mar 30, 2017 10:37 PM

((((((( gentle hugs )))))) breathe sweetie. I understand things aren't looking so good right now and that sometimes we get hit with so many things at once that we crash and crash hard. That's when I have to remind myself to breathe and to find the blessings in my life - no matter how small they may seem.

Mar 31, 2017 8:23 AM

Thanks mimikay, I don't breath, I need learn to do that more my anxiety kucks n that's it lol.. Sigh

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